May 21st, 2009


National Memo Day.

Today (May 21st) is National Memo Day—the day when we celebrate the memos of the world, both written, unwritten, and really rather needing to be written. In honor of this most honored of days, I present some truly vital memos.


To the fall television schedule:

Because you have given me a third season of Chuck and a second season of Fringe, I will let you live. But don't think I'm going to forget that you took Cupid and The Eleventh Hour away from me. I was only just starting to forgive you for Freakylinks, and now you pull this? Uncool, television, uncool. I've got my eye on you. Play nice or prepare to taste my wrath.


To Wild Republic:

While I appreciate the ongoing diversity and awesomeness of your Cuddlekins plush collection, I am afraid I have to point out that there are still dinosaurs available in England that I can't get here in North America, and that this is still not okay with me. I need more herbivores! My collection of meat-eaters is starting to look at me funny. Really, since I probably account for a large percentage of your annual sales, shouldn't you be placating me more?


To Emily Stone:

Best of luck in your new endeavors. Hack/Slash won't be the same without you.


To Lilly and Alice:

I love you. You know that I love you. I love you more than I love almost anything. And if you decide to have another wrestling match on my face at two o'clock in the morning, I'm going to replace you with taxidermy. Soft, fluffy, interesting to look at, does not try to claw me open in the night.


To Jane, my alcoholic and emotionally unstable muse:

I do not need to know what happens in the ninth Toby book. Please go drink a pint of absinthe, hook up with a hottie from an under-occupied pantheon, and leave me alone for a little while. I refuse to be responsible for the consequences if you don't.


Anybody got any memos?