February 24th, 2009


Remember that Amazon link we've been waiting for?

So I'm still waking up, still shell-shocked from yesterday, when I get a message from a friend of mine going 'hey, guess what I found?' So I go and look at what he found.

And then, because I'm crying really easily today, I start to cry. Why?

Because of this. Click here to see the Rosemary and Rue page on Amazon.com. With the September 1st, 2009 release date and everything. Really posted, for really real and very true.

Holy cats.

Nyssa, 1991-2009.

Last night, when I got home, my eighteen-year-old cat was wheezing, having difficulty breathing, and obviously in pain. I got her calmed down, offered her food, which she declined, and put her on my pillow to sleep. She napped a little, woke up, cried a little, and seemed to settle. Then Lilly -- my five-year-old -- got onto the bed, and Nyssa attacked her viciously, going for her eyes. Lilly is the mellowest cat alive. She freaked out, and ran, crying, to hide under the desk.

Nyssa was still clearly in pain, and collapsed back on the pillow wheezing and panting. So I called my mother, and got Nyssa into the carrier while I waited for Mom to come and pick me up. We left for the vet at five o'clock. I got home around seven-thirty.

Nyssa was old. She was tired. The vet said her kidneys had completely stopped functioning; she weighed less than five pounds, and she didn't fight at all. Not once. She just let us hold her, and she purred, and she was limp and calm. Batya said recently that Nyssa had no bones left, that she was just paper mache and mice, and that was her last night.

I told her she was good. I stayed with her the whole time, and I told her she was good, and I told her it was okay, that she could go, that I wouldn't be mad. But I think I was lying. I'm not okay at all. She was supposed to live forever. That was the whole deal. I would love her, and take care of her, and put up with her, and she would live forever. I made that deal with Nyssa, and with Leela, and with Sarah Jane, and Ben, and Pepper, and Pirate, and Princess, and Mindy, and every cat I've ever lived with. And they never keep their side of the bargain, and I love them anyway, and I am not okay.

I want my kitty back. But more, I just want to know that she isn't hurting anymore. I guess that's how this can be okay. Because she isn't hurting anymore. And somewhere in my heart, she's still half a pound of fur, and I'm still arguing that they have to let me keep her, and today is a million years away. I always fall in love again.

Oh, Nyssa. Oh, I love you.


Questions for a Music FAQ.

So, in an effort to distract myself from being sad...

I'm setting up the FAQ Pages over on my website, since it's a good way to keep my hands busy. One of the pages is, naturally enough, going to be questions about music and filk. I have three CDs, I attend a lot of filk conventions, it seems like a good thing to do. Now, I know that I have many non-filk readers on this journal. So I put forth this query:

What questions do you have about filk?
What questions do you have about my music in general?

Please let me know what it would help you to know, so that I can put all the pieces together coherently!