Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: surprised
  • Music: The theme from JAWS.

Attack of the unstoppable TOILET SHARK.

Over the past week, my house has developed two new bathroom-based rules. First off, even if you just dropped a tissue into the water, you need to flush. I don't care if it wastes water. If you're that worried about wasting water, throw your tissues in the trash, not the toilet. Second off, close the lid. Not the seat; the lid. Why?

Because Alice, like so many Maine Coons, likes to play with water. And the toilet? Is full of water. Once your nasty tissue has been in my toilet, I don't particularly want the cat to fish it out and bring it to me, thanks.

Last night, when I got home from work, I performed the standard checks—are both cats present? Are both cats breathing? Have they managed to break anything large and/or visible? After confirming yes, yes, and no, I went about my business. At some point during the "business" part of the program, Alice wandered off to do kitten things. This didn't concern me much; kittens are mysterious creatures, and spend a lot of time off doing kitten things, which usually end with a loud crash and a startled-looking puffball racing back into the bedroom. No big deal.

After I'd finished unpacking my bags, scanning some art cards, and eating dinner, I proceeded to the bathroom. The toilet lid was down. Repeat: the toilet lid was down, indicating safety. I began to sit.

The toilet said, inquisitively, "Mrph?"

Having seen approximately eight hundred hours-worth of horror cinema in my lifetime, I was once more fully dressed in less than five seconds. Furthermore, I was standing in the bathtub, that being the furthest I could reasonably get from the toilet without having the presence of mind to flee the bathroom entirely. I looked into the toilet bowl. Alice, balled calmly in the bottom of it, looked back. Meet my kitten, the TOILET SHARK.

I got her to leave the toilet by putting a few inches of water in the tub and encouraging her to play with that instead. She happily submerged several of her feather toys and went off to coax Lilly into the bath. Lilly, being, I don't know, an actual cat, was having none of it. (Alice got her comeuppance later, when her aquatic adventures required her to have a good brushing. Somehow, I doubt this is going to make her learn.) At least I know why she's damp all the damn time...

You know, the horror movies of the 1980s taught me to check toilets before I sat down, because they might contain monsters. It took me years to break this habit, thinking it was a foolish fear. Shows what I know. In conclusion, when you come over to my place...

...look down before you pee. You might be sorry if you don't.
Tags: alice, cats, horror movies, oh the humanity
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vulpine137

April 14 2009, 16:14:28 UTC 8 years ago

*laughs out loud*

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:15:56 UTC 8 years ago

Seriously. CATHULHU IS COMING FOR YOUR ASS!

Literally.

vulpine137

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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vulpine137

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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vulpine137

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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mtgat

April 14 2009, 16:16:05 UTC 8 years ago

Toilet shark ftw!

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:17:10 UTC 8 years ago

I'm going to need to toddler-lock my toilet.

bercilakslady

April 14 2009, 16:20:31 UTC 8 years ago

How in hell did she get in there?

That's the funniest thing I've read all day, but I'm sorry that you had to deal with the Toilet Shark/Kitten.

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:21:29 UTC 8 years ago

She's tall enough to have the leverage to squirm her way under the damn lid.

bercilakslady

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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vixyish

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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argonel

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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bercilakslady

8 years ago

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evilstorm

8 years ago

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wint3rhart

8 years ago

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evilstorm

8 years ago

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mariadkins

8 years ago

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textileowl

April 14 2009, 16:21:23 UTC 8 years ago

*laughs*

So much better than trying to fall asleep and hearing Allie "tinkling" with the water because she likes to dip her paw in to get a drink of water.

Toilet Shark!

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:22:49 UTC 8 years ago

Alice's big brother, Alligator, does that. When she starts, I'm moving the water bowl out of my bedroom.

textileowl

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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textileowl

8 years ago

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ceosanna

8 years ago

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vixyish

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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wyld_dandelyon

8 years ago

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jenk

8 years ago

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kyra_neko_rei

8 years ago

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mathochist

8 years ago

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mathochist

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:25:04 UTC 8 years ago

I figured she couldn't drown herself in the bathtub if she didn't successfully drown herself in the toilet.

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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ladyqkat

April 14 2009, 16:24:52 UTC 8 years ago

Methinks you should have named her Resmiranda.

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:25:30 UTC 8 years ago

Way too long to shout at two in the morning when she's biting my toes.

ladyqkat

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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ladyqkat

8 years ago

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baka_kit

8 years ago

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trialia

8 years ago

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baka_kit

8 years ago

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kendaer

April 14 2009, 16:24:54 UTC 8 years ago

*disturbs his office mates by bursting out laughing*

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:26:10 UTC 8 years ago

I called my breeder. We think Alice's father may have been possessed by an otter, as two of her brothers are showing similar tendencies.

kendaer

8 years ago

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jenk

8 years ago

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kendaer

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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kendaer

8 years ago

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archangelbeth

April 14 2009, 16:25:26 UTC 8 years ago

I... *gasp* need... *ahh hoo hoohoo!* an icon... *hee hee heeeeeeehehehe* for hysterical laugher!

*beth falls over, wheezing and weeping with hysterical laughter*

"Mrph?"

*beth falls over again, howling*

Dogs in elk! Kitten in toilet! Aiiieeeheeheheheheeeeeeee.

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:26:29 UTC 8 years ago

Yet somehow "happy as a kitten in toilet" lacks the right ring.

carmiel

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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archangelbeth

8 years ago

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kyrielle

8 years ago

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d_aulnoy

April 14 2009, 16:27:00 UTC 8 years ago

You know, if she *hadn't* mrrped, or if you *didn't* have the habit of checking the toilet for monsters, this could have gone so much worse ....

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:31:04 UTC 8 years ago

Yeah. I was like, wow, this was thirty seconds from becoming a not-at-all-funny emergency room trip.

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Re: Mrph?

seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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Re: Mrph?

d_aulnoy

8 years ago

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Re: Mrph?

vixyish

8 years ago

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Re: Mrph?

d_aulnoy

8 years ago

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wendyzski

April 14 2009, 16:28:59 UTC 8 years ago

I dunno - getting peed on might help to discourage this behavior.

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:31:26 UTC 8 years ago

Or encourage her to attack the offending "squirt gun."

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seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:32:07 UTC 8 years ago

They're clearly, as a breed, insane.

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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my_blue_phoenix

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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gorgeousgary

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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rhienelleth

April 14 2009, 16:31:19 UTC 8 years ago

LMAO! Oh, that is too funny! We have a bengal, and they loooooove water. when Julius was a wee kitten, we had to keep all the toilet lids down for fear he'd accidentally drown himself. Now that he's a respectable 16 pounds (cough), we still keep them down to avoid toilet water being splashed everywhere.

He will not drink from his water bowl, but insists on sitting in each of our bathtubs in the morning, in turn, crying until we run the water enough for for him to drink.

He did make the mistake once of actually jumping into the bathtub when the hubby was taking a bath. He immediately jumped back out again, apparently not having realized that there was enough water to actually submerge in, and has since confined himself to sniffing at the water curiously, but warily, at such times as when it is full.

apocalypticbob

April 14 2009, 16:51:25 UTC 8 years ago

Mom's cat does the sitting in the bathtub thing crying for a trickle of water like he has just crossed the Sahara. He is not at all convinced that the water I just put into his bowl isn't contaminated (kinda like the little girl in Signs, I swear) and only wants it straight from the tap.

Silly cats.

seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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mariadkins

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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kyburg

April 14 2009, 16:37:39 UTC 8 years ago

Tickle tickle?

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:56:29 UTC 8 years ago

Er, no.

apocalypticbob

April 14 2009, 16:48:59 UTC 8 years ago

Oh, I needed this today! Today has been a day of fail involving burning clothes dryer lint and I really needed a good hearty laugh-til-you-cry read today.

Thank you.

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:56:46 UTC 8 years ago

Very welcome!

solarbird

April 14 2009, 16:49:47 UTC 8 years ago

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:56:56 UTC 8 years ago

*snork*

arielstarshadow

April 14 2009, 16:50:37 UTC 8 years ago

To hell with closing the lid - close the DOOR!!

seanan_mcguire

April 14 2009, 16:57:21 UTC 8 years ago

I can't -- not only is one of the litter boxes in there, Lilly will dislocate her own shoulders trying to get in to get to me.

aeriedraconia

8 years ago

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textileowl

8 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

8 years ago

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mariadkins

8 years ago

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k_crow

April 14 2009, 16:58:16 UTC 8 years ago

Oh dear, gigglefits and working at the front desk are *not* a felicitous combination. =)

I'm glad that things worked out better than they could've. Good luck with learning the further quirks of Alice. Aren't pets a wonderful adventure? ;)

seanan_mcguire

April 15 2009, 14:18:22 UTC 8 years ago

They most certainly are.

Endorphins = good

carmiel

April 14 2009, 16:58:52 UTC 8 years ago

ROTFL, thank you for the good belly laugh.

Re: Endorphins = good

seanan_mcguire

April 15 2009, 14:18:30 UTC 8 years ago

You're welcome!

tereshkova2001

April 14 2009, 16:59:34 UTC 8 years ago

At least she comes by it honestly, since Alligator has the same affinity for water.

seanan_mcguire

April 15 2009, 14:18:54 UTC 8 years ago

Betsy says at least two of her littermates also have it. Clearly, Betsy is breeding otters.

kathleenfoucart

April 14 2009, 17:27:30 UTC 8 years ago

I almost fell of my couch laughing. I used to check for bees but I've never checked for kittens. I'll have to keep that in mind!

seanan_mcguire

April 15 2009, 14:19:17 UTC 8 years ago

Bees? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

...you can just come rock me to sleep tonight, thank you very much.

kathleenfoucart

8 years ago

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keristor

April 14 2009, 17:39:56 UTC 8 years ago

Thank you! I got home in semi-panic mode (for no reason I can identify; possibly low blood sugar), and this hs made me chuckle instead. Tell Alice that she is good for my morale...

seanan_mcguire

April 15 2009, 14:19:28 UTC 8 years ago

I did! She chirped.

genre_savvy

April 14 2009, 17:42:51 UTC 8 years ago

My sister's dog has been known to jump into a bathtub with someone and my co-worker's cat takes a shower with her every morning, but, but, TOILET SHARK.

*dies laughing*

Horror movies teach us priceless survival skills. ^_^

seanan_mcguire

April 15 2009, 14:19:47 UTC 8 years ago

Without them, how would we know to leave when the walls began to bleed?

baka_kit

April 14 2009, 17:45:18 UTC 8 years ago

You almost owed me a new keyboard! :D :D :D

seanan_mcguire

April 15 2009, 14:19:54 UTC 8 years ago

Good to know!

gwynnega

April 14 2009, 17:52:02 UTC 8 years ago

Hahahaha!

seanan_mcguire

April 15 2009, 14:20:10 UTC 8 years ago

Cats. They make life...interesting.

manycolored

April 14 2009, 18:04:47 UTC 8 years ago

And Justin wonders why I keep asking him to close the lid... I honestly don't care about the seat. Being a little bit of a germ nut, I always look before I sit anyway. But Moses... likes to go swimming. :\

seanan_mcguire

April 15 2009, 14:20:25 UTC 8 years ago

I knew I wasn't alone!
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