Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire

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Komodo Dragon Love.

My love for you is komodo dragon love. It is the kind of love that you can only give when you happen to be an endangered species of fourteen-foot-long predatory lizard whose spit is filled with toxic bacterial soup. That makes it very rare and kind of cool, but not if you happen to be afraid of lizards. Or toxic spit. But because my love for you is komodo dragon love, you are not on my list of things to bite. Be glad.

Komodo dragons are cooperative hunters. That means that when a komodo dragon sees a goat, he bites it with his many, many sharp teeth and fills the bite with toxic spit, and then goes back to doing whatever it was he happened to be doing before the goat came along. Komodo dragon things, like reading, or playing with Photoshop, or watching bad horror movies. Or maybe just basking in the sun and frightening small children by being fourteen feet long and capable of eating people, if you want to be literal about things. I'm good either way. And see, the goat? The goat is now full of spit, which is full of toxic bacterial soup. That doesn't work out too well from his point of view, because eventually he sort of falls over and dies, and does that decaying thing. The bacterial soup helps with the dying. Also with the decaying.

And then another komodo dragon comes along and finds the dead goat, and it's hey, free lunch. And that? That is how I feel about you. I totally spend my days biting goats, because I know that even if I don't eventually get to eat their decaying carcasses, someone that I love will get a meal out of it.

Only they aren't real goats. And nothing really dies. And if you actually eat my metaphorical goats, you're probably going to need to take some multivitamins or something, too, because man cannot live by metaphorical goat alone, and besides, you'd probably get scurvy if you tried. But the basic concept is there. I spend my days biting goats for you.

My love for you is komodo dragon love.

Crunch.
Tags: good things, silliness, so the marilyn, wild adventures
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  • 26 comments
I assume, then, that you've seen this?
I have. It fulfills me.