I am currently too sick to die. I picked up a cold in Minnesota, which slammed down on me hard enough and fast enough that I thought it might be strep (it's not strep). I currently have a bone-rattling cough, so much snot in my head that I think my brain may be liquefying, and a general sense of full-body malaise.
This is where you come in.
Please, please, do not prod at me for the next few days unless you have something that absolutely will not wait. Let me rest and recover, because this is slaughtering me, and I have a book release next week, which means I need to rest more than I can say.
Seanan dear, let’s be clear, when you speak of plagues and zombies We’ve been taking it as given that you’d be immune! Seanan dear, listen here, “Living dead” is not an option; We insist that you get better really soon!
Understand, we don’t object at all to having you infect The whole rest of the convention with an apocalyptic strain That you’ve devised for turning random non-adherents to your fandom Into rabid Seanan-groupies, all else emptied from their brains.
But we were sure you’d take more care when spreading germs into the air To overwhelm the standard pathogens like mono, staph, and strep; We took for granted you’d refine a plague of elegant design And that “inject oneself with antidote” would be your starting step.
Seanan, dear, let’s be clear....
We approve of your ambition, in true mad-scientist tradition, And we’ll support your every scheme to unleash creepy-crawly dread, But world conquest’s only cool if you are still around to rule-- You can’t command your zombie legions if you’ve turned yourself undead.
And though you’re well supplied with courage, we feel we really must discourage The very thought, howe’er alluring, of testing serums on yourself; We know you dream of purple speckles, but think of Narbon, Phibes, and Jekyll-- This is why Honeydew has Beaker; you simply need a guinea elf!
Seanan, dear, let’s be clear....
But enough of remonstration; let us show our dedication, For we hate to see you suffer (even when it makes us laugh); So just point us at the source of your malaise, and with remorse- Less glee we’ll beat it down until it’s merely subatomic chaff.
In the meantime, at this juncture, chicken soup or acupuncture, Or biotics pro- and anti-, merely ask and we’ll arrange, We consider it essential that you’re back at full potential, ‘Cause without you life is normal, and we much prefer the strange!
Seanan, dear, let’s be clear.... (x2)
Notes: Permission cheerfully granted for non-commercial performance (including but not limited to singing it to actual Seanans); if someone makes a recording of any such, I'd enjoy hearing the results.
Mention of Dr. Helen Narbon (see hyperlink above) does not imply endorsement by any persons, real or imaginary, associated with Narbonic Labs.
sick
Time for a repost of this, I think....
March 31 2016, 06:33:50 UTC 1 year ago
words: © 2008 John C. Bunnell
music: © 2006 Seanan McGuire (“Oh, Michelle”)
Seanan dear, let’s be clear, when you speak of plagues and zombies
We’ve been taking it as given that you’d be immune!
Seanan dear, listen here, “Living dead” is not an option;
We insist that you get better really soon!
Understand, we don’t object at all to having you infect
The whole rest of the convention with an apocalyptic strain
That you’ve devised for turning random non-adherents to your fandom
Into rabid Seanan-groupies, all else emptied from their brains.
But we were sure you’d take more care when spreading germs into the air
To overwhelm the standard pathogens like mono, staph, and strep;
We took for granted you’d refine a plague of elegant design
And that “inject oneself with antidote” would be your starting step.
Seanan, dear, let’s be clear....
We approve of your ambition, in true mad-scientist tradition,
And we’ll support your every scheme to unleash creepy-crawly dread,
But world conquest’s only cool if you are still around to rule--
You can’t command your zombie legions if you’ve turned yourself undead.
And though you’re well supplied with courage, we feel we really must discourage
The very thought, howe’er alluring, of testing serums on yourself;
We know you dream of purple speckles, but think of Narbon, Phibes, and Jekyll--
This is why Honeydew has Beaker; you simply need a guinea elf!
Seanan, dear, let’s be clear....
But enough of remonstration; let us show our dedication,
For we hate to see you suffer (even when it makes us laugh);
So just point us at the source of your malaise, and with remorse-
Less glee we’ll beat it down until it’s merely subatomic chaff.
In the meantime, at this juncture, chicken soup or acupuncture,
Or biotics pro- and anti-, merely ask and we’ll arrange,
We consider it essential that you’re back at full potential,
‘Cause without you life is normal, and we much prefer the strange!
Seanan, dear, let’s be clear.... (x2)
Notes:
Permission cheerfully granted for non-commercial performance (including but not limited to singing it to actual Seanans); if someone makes a recording of any such, I'd enjoy hearing the results.
Mention of Dr. Helen Narbon (see hyperlink above) does not imply endorsement by any persons, real or imaginary, associated with Narbonic Labs.
March 31 2016, 15:43:51 UTC 1 year ago