Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: thoughtful
  • Music: John Mellancamp, "Troubled Land."

Two years on my own; let's look at the time.

Today is January 15th, 2016. My last day of full-time employment for someone other than myself was January 15th, 2014. The last time I set an alarm for anything other than a trip to the airport or a convention was two years ago.

Two years. Where does the time go?

Two years ago today, I came home from work and crawled pretty much directly into bed. I wanted to be overjoyed. I wanted to be elated. I wanted to feel like I was free at last, finally free to write all the books I wanted to write and see all the places I wanted to see. Instead, I went straight to bed. I stayed there for about three weeks.

That sort of marathon of sleep usually indicates depression, at least for me. Not then. That was the sleep of being broken, of trying to fix myself. This last weekend Brooke said to me, sincerely, that my job--which had been a reasonable desk job, with reasonable people--had been killing me, and she wasn't wrong. I needed to either stop writing or stop working, and since there was no chance I was going to stop writing, I needed to stop working for someone other than myself. Or I was going to die.

(This is not hyperbole. I was sick constantly. I was stressed to the point of panic constantly, trying to figure out how to get enough money to let me quit so I could stop working all the time and actually get some sleep. I was miserable constantly. If my body hadn't broken and killed me, the thin line in my brain over which I usually manage not to step would have shifted, and I would have done something stupid.)

It's been two years of self-employment. I'm still learning. Budgets aren't easy, either of time or money. I'm still figuring things out. But I'm still moving, and I'm still not bored.

Saying "I quit" was the smartest thing I ever did.
Tags: state of the blonde
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    switch
    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    Help
  • 37 comments

Hardy Himmelhund

January 16 2016, 16:04:23 UTC 1 year ago

It's a pity that reality doesn't work like fiction. Considering your literary output you should be living a Richard Castle style life of luxury and adventure. But then again, if reality was like fiction, one day I'd probably feel terribly guilty for not reporting you to the authorities the day I read "The Tolling of Pavlov's Bells."

The first time I saw you mentioning your day job I honestly thought you were kidding. When it came up again and I realized that you were, in fact, writing all those novels in your off duty time, I was somewhat worried about you. So that's where Toby's tendency to run on nothing but caffeine and stubbornness came from. I hope you'll continue to make your writing career work, for it's obvious you're a writer through and through. As long as you'll keep writing, I'll keep buying.

Lots of healthy sleep and sweet dreams to you!