Two years on my own; let's look at the time.: seanan

Two years on my own; let's look at the time.

Today is January 15th, 2016. My last day of full-time employment for someone other than myself was January 15th, 2014. The last time I set an alarm for anything other than a trip to the airport or a convention was two years ago.

Two years. Where does the time go?

Two years ago today, I came home from work and crawled pretty much directly into bed. I wanted to be overjoyed. I wanted to be elated. I wanted to feel like I was free at last, finally free to write all the books I wanted to write and see all the places I wanted to see. Instead, I went straight to bed. I stayed there for about three weeks.

That sort of marathon of sleep usually indicates depression, at least for me. Not then. That was the sleep of being broken, of trying to fix myself. This last weekend Brooke said to me, sincerely, that my job--which had been a reasonable desk job, with reasonable people--had been killing me, and she wasn't wrong. I needed to either stop writing or stop working, and since there was no chance I was going to stop writing, I needed to stop working for someone other than myself. Or I was going to die.

(This is not hyperbole. I was sick constantly. I was stressed to the point of panic constantly, trying to figure out how to get enough money to let me quit so I could stop working all the time and actually get some sleep. I was miserable constantly. If my body hadn't broken and killed me, the thin line in my brain over which I usually manage not to step would have shifted, and I would have done something stupid.)

It's been two years of self-employment. I'm still learning. Budgets aren't easy, either of time or money. I'm still figuring things out. But I'm still moving, and I'm still not bored.

Saying "I quit" was the smartest thing I ever did.

badgermirlacca

January 15 2016, 21:45:09 UTC 1 year ago

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I remember your post when you quit--it doesn't seem like it was two years ago! I said congratulations then, and will say it again now: go you!

seanan_mcguire

January 15 2016, 21:55:27 UTC 1 year ago

Thank you.

bree_ramsey314

January 15 2016, 21:53:45 UTC 1 year ago

Happy day!

You were born to be a writer and storyteller, Seanan, your talent and boundless imagination are gifts to us all. Thank you for sharing them.

January 15 2016, 21:55:36 UTC 1 year ago

autopope

January 15 2016, 21:55:44 UTC 1 year ago

Saying "I quit" was the smartest thing I ever did.

That sort of goes for me too, even though it didn't feel like it at the time (I didn't jump, I was pushed -- chose to resign and change jobs just as the dot-com 1.0 bubble burst; job I was going to evaporated: grabbed a fuckton of freelance writing work, maxed out my credit cards[*], and didn't look back.)

Seriously, we are our own most understanding bosses. After all, even though we know just how crazy it is inside our heads we don't consider it grounds for firing ourselves!

[*] Finally got them paid off five years later and now use them but pay off in full every month.

mizzy2k

January 15 2016, 22:06:14 UTC 1 year ago

I'm not eloquent, so: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

lazzchan

January 15 2016, 22:57:23 UTC 1 year ago Edited: January 15 2016, 22:58:07 UTC

I can't believe it's been two years! I remember your post when you said you just quit and were working on just your books and what happened after. Seanan, I'm so glad that you were able to focus just on writing, I'm sure it's done absolute wonders for you. You're an amazing person, with stunning wit, talent and personality.

I'm glad that your star is shining for you.

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vulpine137

January 15 2016, 23:21:58 UTC 1 year ago

Huzzah for leaving the job that's killing you. We like you alive, quirky
and full of machetes :)

adafrog

January 16 2016, 00:28:12 UTC 1 year ago

Wow, that was two years ago?
Congrats!

anne_d

January 16 2016, 00:36:24 UTC 1 year ago

I remember that post. Two years already? I'm so glad it's working out so magnificently for you. Congratulations!

hsifyppah

January 16 2016, 00:57:27 UTC 1 year ago

EIGHT THOUSAND HUGS ALSO MY EIGHT THOUSANDTH ENDORSEMENT OF YOUR EXTREMELY WISE DECISION TO QUIT THE DAY-JOB

dragonsally

January 16 2016, 01:15:57 UTC 1 year ago

Wow, doesn't feel like two years have gone by. I am doubly glad you made that decision - for the sake of your health, and for the fact that you can concentrate full time on your wonderful writing.

notalwaysweak

January 16 2016, 02:42:00 UTC 1 year ago

I am so glad you were able to make the change to your work situation to be so much better off now. *loves on*

Beth Woodward

January 16 2016, 03:47:30 UTC 1 year ago

I'm in a similar situation now. My first book is coming out in April. It has been, and continues to be, incredibly difficult for me to find the time to write consistently. When I'm pushing up against a deadline, I end up not getting enough sleep, drinking too many Frappucinos, and basically just doing things that aren't good for me. It definitely takes a toll on my well being, but I know I cannot quit working until I am making enough money from the writing to support myself. (And since I sent a good chunk of my childhood financially insecure after my dad died, giving up the security of a day job is going to be a hard decision for me to make one way or another.)

The fact that you wrote books and built your writing career while you were still working full time, and then were able to quit and make a living from writing, gives me hope that I will one day, too.

Pamela Adams

January 16 2016, 04:16:39 UTC 1 year ago

Happy Anniversary!

archangelbeth

January 16 2016, 04:54:35 UTC 1 year ago

I'm so glad for you. I mean, I know I'm an Internet Stranger and all, but it's so good to know that you're doing better and *waves hands*. I'm low on sleep. I cannot words. I am happy for you. O:>

_dante_sparda_

January 16 2016, 05:26:10 UTC 1 year ago

Happy freedom anniversary!

spyscribe

January 16 2016, 05:31:05 UTC 1 year ago

Congratulations on your anniversary. :)

juglore

January 16 2016, 07:04:26 UTC 1 year ago

Good for you.

tibicina

January 16 2016, 08:11:24 UTC 1 year ago

I remember how worried I was about how little sleep you were getting and how often you were really, really sick. I'm so glad things shifted such that you could quit.

azurelunatic

January 16 2016, 09:24:43 UTC 1 year ago

I am delighted that you are able to sleep and write and thrive.

imogen_blue

January 16 2016, 11:46:24 UTC 1 year ago

I'm really happy writing wasn't the thing you quit. We would have missed you. Plus, for those of us still in hell, you help keep us sane.

Hardy Himmelhund

January 16 2016, 16:04:23 UTC 1 year ago

It's a pity that reality doesn't work like fiction. Considering your literary output you should be living a Richard Castle style life of luxury and adventure. But then again, if reality was like fiction, one day I'd probably feel terribly guilty for not reporting you to the authorities the day I read "The Tolling of Pavlov's Bells."

The first time I saw you mentioning your day job I honestly thought you were kidding. When it came up again and I realized that you were, in fact, writing all those novels in your off duty time, I was somewhat worried about you. So that's where Toby's tendency to run on nothing but caffeine and stubbornness came from. I hope you'll continue to make your writing career work, for it's obvious you're a writer through and through. As long as you'll keep writing, I'll keep buying.

Lots of healthy sleep and sweet dreams to you!

beccastareyes

January 16 2016, 16:14:46 UTC 1 year ago

I've known people with jobs they just find exhausting without being rewarding and I'm always so happy when they can leave them.

I'm glad that even with budgeting not being easy that you are doing better physically and mentally.

dornbeast

January 16 2016, 17:49:08 UTC 1 year ago

Hooray for healthy blonde!

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Two years on my own; let's look at the time.

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