quixoticYou Say: "How much do you get paid?"
We Hear: "Did you know that being a writer means it's not rude to ask you about money?"
You Say: "How big was your advance?"
We Hear: "My use of industry jargon means you'll tell me."
You Say: "So when are you going to quit your day job?"
We Hear: "Since you're obviously making pots of money JUST TELL ME ALREADY."
You Say: "Where do you get your ideas?"
We Hear: "I would like it if you would punch me in the face."
You Say: "I always wanted to be a writer."
We Hear: "How hard can it be?"
You Say: "Why do you waste your talent on that trash?"
We Hear: "It's been too long since the last time you punched me in the face."
You Say: "Why do you need an editor? Aren't you good at this yet?"
We Hear: "Punching isn't good enough. Get the cobras."
You Say: "How long are you going to just sit there?"
We Hear: "I've come to distract you! Thank me later."
You Say: "Is it really that hard to be published?"
We Hear: "I would like a double order of cobras, and maybe some scorpions."
You Say: "Did you publish this yourself?"
We Hear: "Make those scorpions radioactive, if you would be so kind."
You Say: "How much writing do you have to do?"
We Hear: "I know you're just screwing around and being anti-social."
You Say: "Will you read my story?"
We Hear: "Litigation is fun!"
Please submit any further suggestions for our phrasebook to the Bureau, and have a nice day!
June 8 2009, 15:39:33 UTC 8 years ago
We Hear: "How hard can it be?"
I've had it happen once, when I was just getting started (as in, really really getting started, these days I call that period the time I learned how to use a typewriter), that someone figured it would be exactly that: easy. So they tried it themselves.
And gave up after five pages.
That one also thought it would take only about an hour and a half to write a screenplay, because movies run for an hour and a half, so it can't take longer to write than it takes to play.
A (let's say, former) friend of mine has been talking about writing a book for about 10 years now. Just talked about it. The last time we met, my wife almost scratched that friend's eyes out when she (the friend) said, "I'm a good writer, you know."
I didn't say anything, I just thought, "Maybe one day, once you get a working knowledge of grammar and spelling and punctuation -- and then, maybe, actually *write* something.
June 8 2009, 16:00:20 UTC 8 years ago
June 8 2009, 16:02:39 UTC 8 years ago
Instead, I made that friend into a cartoon character for my Made of Fail webcomic.
http://www.webcomicsnation.com/jensaltm
Guess which one. :)