I'll see you tomorrow.: seanan

I'll see you tomorrow.

(Note: The following post discusses depression and suicide, quite frankly. If you want to skip it, I will understand. Also, I am calling a preemptive comment amnesty, because I don't know that I can get through whatever comments may be left. Thank you.)

***

Today is National Suicide Prevention Day. Today is the day where we turn to ourselves and to others, and say "I'll see you tomorrow," because we're trying to promise to stay, and we're trying to ask them to do the same. Because we're still here. Because some people aren't. Because depression lies. Because the path gets narrow.

I'm still here. I'm still here because Disneyland exists, and I can go there, even if it's not as often as I'd like. I'm still here because my cats don't understand why I ever leave the house at all, even when it's to buy them food and treats, and they would never stop waiting for me to come home. I'm still here because there are so many dogs I have yet to meet.

I'm still here because I still ache for some of the people who have gone, and I don't want to do that to anyone who loves me. I'm still here because some days I'm too much of a coward to pick up the razor, and other days I'm brave enough not to pick up the razor, and as long as it stays out of my hand, I'm okay. I'm still here because I know that depression lies, and when it gets too loud, I can ask other people to talk me through the silence.

I'm still here because the Counting Crows are on tour again, because there are movies I still need to see and books I still need to read and favorite songs I still need to hear for the very first time. I'm still here because the thought of strangers going through my things distresses me (and is the reason that sometimes very bad depressive patches will come with a lot of acquisitions). I'm still here because I haven't had the chance to write the X-Men yet, and when I do, I am going to change the world. I'm still here because I want to be, because I need to be, and because the fight is still worth fighting.

I'm still here because the world contains tomatoes. Because Lush has started making a blackcurrant frosting-scented shower gel. Because I really like television. Because the stories I tell matter to people, sometimes more than I could ever have dreamed. Because I want to see a lot of Broadway shows. Because I've never been to Japan, or New Zealand, or Wyoming. Because there are so many corn fields for me to run through, laughing, in the autumn sun. Because the Great Pumpkin loves me.

I'm still here.

Your reasons for still being here may not be the same as mine. They probably aren't. Everyone's reasons are different. But I hope you'll stay. I hope you'll find your reasons.

I'll see you tomorrow.

juglore

September 10 2015, 22:25:19 UTC 1 year ago

New comment

Because chocolate chip cookies.
Because SuperSonic Cheeseburgers plain with ketchup.
Because Rootbeer floats.
Because juggling.

I'll see you tomorrow.

coyotegoth

September 10 2015, 22:46:23 UTC 1 year ago

I have nothing to say that will remotely match the profundity of these words- but, thank you. I'll see you tomorrow- and watch a Romero movie tonight, and think of you, and be glad that you're still here. That both of us are.

ladymondegreen

September 10 2015, 23:24:52 UTC 1 year ago

I can't put visible love in a comment, but I know you can see it anyway. May we all have many tomorrows.

tuto

September 11 2015, 00:04:21 UTC 1 year ago

Nos vemos mañana

taylweaver

September 11 2015, 00:04:27 UTC 1 year ago

As someone who doesn't actually know you beyond reading your LJ and your books, I still want to say I'm really glad you continue to stick around.

I'll see you tomorrow

madtom_o_bedlam

September 11 2015, 00:08:33 UTC 1 year ago

I am going to repost this because it says most of the things that I would say if I had the words...I use different tricks to make it til tomorrow...I look forward to different things, but I'm not as eloquent as you are. If it pisses you off that I'm stealing your words or if you want me to attribute them to you let me know. I can't breathe right now, I hope I didn't do it wrong.

skamtastic

September 11 2015, 00:29:22 UTC 1 year ago

I'll see you tomorrow=)

September 11 2015, 00:30:24 UTC 1 year ago

Just the thing i needed to read today.

marziek

September 11 2015, 01:21:27 UTC 1 year ago

Just hugs. Plain and simple.

kyrielle

September 11 2015, 02:10:41 UTC 1 year ago

Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow.

acelightning

September 11 2015, 02:28:33 UTC 1 year ago

I'll see you tomorrow, although I have yet to meet you in person. And I hope I'll see you at my 100th birthday party in 2047 (and yes, that's a perfectly serious invitation).

witchwestphalia

September 11 2015, 02:32:50 UTC 1 year ago

Thank you for giving words to feelings I've had but so much more eloquently than I ever could.

I found this thru LJ's front page BTW.

I'll be around tomorrow and I'm glad you will be too.

Virtual hugs if you want them. I find them helpful but don't want to impose.

wfw_sj

September 11 2015, 02:45:27 UTC 1 year ago

I want to see you again, and for you to see me. We can have some fun, too. What would you like to do?

adeliej.dreamwidth.org

September 11 2015, 02:46:24 UTC 1 year ago

Thank you.

indilwen

September 11 2015, 03:10:50 UTC 1 year ago

I love this. Thank you for being here.

I'll see you tomorrow.

bree_ramsey314

September 11 2015, 03:32:36 UTC 1 year ago

Thank you, Seanan, this was beautiful. I'm so glad you're still here for many reasons, not the least being it gives me one more reason to stay.

I'll see you tomorrow.

elialshadowpine

September 11 2015, 03:35:01 UTC 1 year ago

I'll see you tomorrow.

I'm still here for many reasons, chief of them being that there are people in my life who would be devastated, and I won't do that to them. I'm still here because there are Things I Need To Do, and I believe in reincarnation. If I check out, I'm going to be right back here to finish what I started, so to speak, and I can't guarantee that I won't start from an even greater disadvantage. I don't have any guarantee that I'll be able to complete what I believe I need to do, but damned if I'm not going to try. That's what got me through teen years when I was literally counting down days until I could get out, because abusive father. The belief in reincarnation started young for me (single digits), because the idea of Heaven, at least on an eternal basis, made no damn sense to me; I figured it would be much more logical that God would let people have a break in-between lives, and then when they were ready, back on the wheel again. Sorta like the Wiccan concept of the Summerlands. I'm pagan these days, but the resolve that I'm here for a Reason has never gone away. I know I've made differences, even if on an individual level, but everything ripples out. It's things like that I hold onto when I'm most depressed.

Well, and listening to the most depressing and suicidal music I can find, which for some bizarre reason cheers me up. I don't quite get that one, but whatever works.

georgiamagnolia

September 11 2015, 03:41:20 UTC 1 year ago

I adore you. And I was born and raised right here in Wyoming, come visit, I will show you the beauty that us Prairie Girls know. I will even pick you up from the evil that is DIA and drive you up here myself. *grin* With stops at Wendy's for burgers along the way.

And your stories and music are among my reasons. Thank you for sharing the world with me and still existing in it.

evaleastaristev

September 11 2015, 04:19:57 UTC 1 year ago

I'm still here because the Sunset is still beautiful. Because the scent of the first rain still makes me smile.

I'll see you tomorrow.

denisen1

September 11 2015, 04:21:12 UTC 1 year ago

As someone who's struggled with depression and OCD myself, and regretfully passed it on to my beautiful child (but hopefully not the other beautiful child), I will see you and her tomorrow. And the day after that. And the one after that. And ... and ... and ... Xoxo

sweetmusic_27

September 11 2015, 04:48:54 UTC 1 year ago

Sometimes, I think I'm only here because I can be distracted by cookies. Other times, I can see the fullness of life and how happy I am (once I look the depression and stuff firmly in the eye and tell it that it doesn't count). But when I can't manage the latter, thank fuck for the former.

I'll see you tomorrow. *solidarity fistbump*

bunny_m

September 11 2015, 04:59:22 UTC 1 year ago

Thank you for posting this, Seanan.

Know that you and your work are among the many reasons I keep on going.

Thank you.

sirfox

September 11 2015, 05:09:00 UTC 1 year ago

some good folks got me through some nasty places more than two decades ago. I've been happy to keep seeing tomorrows, hearing new stories, playing new games, making new friends.

Bath & Body works makes a blackcurrant vanilla body wash that i love. If I stumble into a Lush boutique, i shall try and remember to give theirs a sniff.

azurelunatic

September 11 2015, 07:07:28 UTC 1 year ago

I'll see you tomorrow.

Because I hadn't seen that new Star Trek movie with both Picard and Kirk, because there are so many books left to read, because of the kindness of friends, because of a series of phone calls that went "Hey, do you have some time to talk for a while right now?" that ended in someone having time to talk, because a particular song came on the radio while I was driving, because of the people on the internet who for some reason felt like I was taking care of them and helping them deal with life, because of people on the internet who think good things of me, because I'm a stubborn bastard who doesn't give up easily, because I refused to give my asshole ex-fiance the satisfaction, because my story is not done, because I am a wicked girl saving myself, because a song can still move me to tears while I belt it out in a room full of fifty other people all singing along and crying fiercely.

I'll see you tomorrow.

arashiss

September 11 2015, 08:55:58 UTC 1 year ago

I will see you tomorrow.

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