On empathy.: seanan

On empathy.

To the woman who made nasty comments about my "turning radius" when I had to move my electric scooter in front of Big Thunder Mountain; to the person who let their children sit on the ground with their hands pressed against my wheels, and scowled when I said this wasn't safe; to the people who stood on curb cuts and glared when asked, politely, if they would let me pass; to the man who snickered and murmured about lazy bitches when I drove by at Typhoon Lagoon; to everyone who sighed and rolled their eyes when a bus had to be lowered to load me on:

I do not wish you my experience. I do not wish you injury or handicap, however temporary. I do not wish you pain. I do not wish you the soul-bruising frustration of being limited by a body that refuses to listen to your commands, or the salt in the wound that is knowing you did nothing to deserve this: that you didn't injure yourself running a marathon or rock-climbing, but instead fell prey to something that can strike anyone, at any time, for any reason. I do not wish you years spent sedentary, watching your friends rush by able-bodied and healthy, and struggling not to resent them for it.

Instead, I wish you empathy.

I wish for a future where you can look at someone using an assistance device, whether it be a cane, a wheelchair, or a motorized scooter, and think "isn't it wonderful how we live in a world where this person can have the same experiences I do."

I wish for a time where you can see someone using a motorized scooter to enjoy something as large as Disney World and think "isn't that person kind, to spare their friends and family the effort of pushing a manual wheelchair around this huge place, just so that they don't have to experience the nerve-racking stress of navigating something so large and potentially dangerous through a crowd."

I wish for a society where you can listen to simple, necessary requests and hear, not an inconvenience, but a leveling out of a certain small imbalance in the world.

I wish for a place where you can see a wheelchair user sitting to watch a parade and not think "great, let's stand in front of them, that's open space," but instead "isn't it lovely how we can all get a good view."

I am not asking for special privileges. I am not asking to go to the head of the line just because my left foot doesn't work sometimes.

All I am asking is to be allowed, unjudged and unresented, to join the line at all.

Thank you.

tapati

May 18 2015, 04:40:59 UTC 2 years ago

New comment

Feeling so much solidarity. I've rented scooters before but we just finally purchased a transport chair (can't afford anything electric yet) and I'm bracing myself for the people who will block us, glare at us and otherwise resent that we're in their way. Sorry you weren't allowed to just enjoy things without the helping of ableism. xoxo

seanan_mcguire

June 25 2015, 16:28:19 UTC 2 years ago

Just remember that you're better than them in every way.

princess_kessie

May 18 2015, 04:48:01 UTC 2 years ago

*applauds* Amen. You truly are an amazing person to fight the natural feelings of resentment in the face of that kind of treatment, to then wish them empathy. I just want to hug you...

June 25 2015, 16:28:38 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

tsgeisel

May 18 2015, 05:31:43 UTC 2 years ago

Well written. Have you considered a career as a writer?

Personally, while I wish them empathy, I would also consider running over one of their feet if the situation gets especially bad. "Oopsie."

asg_qa_s7

May 18 2015, 16:39:30 UTC 2 years ago

*After* the steel wheel retrofit, of course. Pneumatic tires are too forgiving. Maximum Schadenfreude! ::evil laugh::

fallconsmate

2 years ago

hvideo

May 18 2015, 08:16:20 UTC 2 years ago

That sounds so frustrating. I'm know how much you enjoy Disney, and I'm sorry those folks were so active in diminishing that. A Wish for them to get a bit of Empathy, and in the meantime Gentle Hugs for you.

June 25 2015, 16:29:05 UTC 2 years ago

mysterysquid

May 18 2015, 11:08:40 UTC 2 years ago

Very sorry to hear this. :(

June 25 2015, 16:29:17 UTC 2 years ago

Yeah. :(

phoenix_singing

May 18 2015, 12:09:22 UTC 2 years ago

It's an absolute shame that so many people have never learned to play nicely with others, and I'm sorry you have to deal with their horribleness...and I'm really sorry it happened at Disneyland, of all places. :(

I, too, wish for these people and everyone who thinks like them to develop some empathy and realize that more people having the tools they need to experience happy fun things is a GOOD thing.

June 25 2015, 16:29:29 UTC 2 years ago

wiliqueen

May 18 2015, 15:27:11 UTC 2 years ago

Amen.

June 25 2015, 16:29:36 UTC 2 years ago

May 18 2015, 16:58:34 UTC 2 years ago

It's all been said. I hope you don't lose the Good Bits out of all this. At least you won't perpetuate the same crap yourself, and may be able to mitigate it for someone else in the future.

Hey, that goes for [insert comment # here] of us as well! Good post.

June 25 2015, 16:29:49 UTC 2 years ago

vettecat

May 18 2015, 18:07:17 UTC 2 years ago

Beautifully said. And you are a good person.

June 25 2015, 16:29:59 UTC 2 years ago

I try to be.

May 18 2015, 18:40:13 UTC 2 years ago

*hugs and hugs* i have my own motorized chair that i use for out-of-the-house. short trips i can manage without. but long trips, not so much. :/

i can lift each piece and assemble it myself. my small service dog and i can travel alone!

but i'm with you, branded as Fat, branded as Lazy, branded as Other. i am thankful that technology exists, that i can DO. i am thankful that my spouse and i could pay for this piece of equipment ourselves, because i am not handicapped enough for insurance to pay for it.

i am thankful to HAVE insurance.

June 25 2015, 16:30:14 UTC 2 years ago

Insurance saves lives.

dragonsally

May 18 2015, 22:34:03 UTC 2 years ago

Hells YES.

June 25 2015, 16:30:21 UTC 2 years ago

adafrog

May 18 2015, 23:19:45 UTC 2 years ago

{{{hugs}}}

June 25 2015, 16:30:28 UTC 2 years ago

Amusement park musing

livejournal

May 18 2015, 23:58:12 UTC 2 years ago

User

bunsen_h referenced to your post from Amusement park musing saying: [...] for a 4-minute ride. That, and some of the discussion in Seanan McGuire's recent post [...]

tollers

May 19 2015, 17:00:48 UTC 2 years ago

Love this and love you. Sending all the hugs and fluffy red dog love your way, and I'm so so sorry you had to deal with this s*** at "the happiest place on earth". :-(

June 25 2015, 16:30:45 UTC 2 years ago

PUPPY.

Arachne Jericho

May 20 2015, 08:13:08 UTC 2 years ago

I just don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry you always have to go through this, that people don't have empathy anywhere one goes, and I am just depressed about all this.

Being on the receiving end of such abuse these days just makes me gloomy about the concept of leaving home. Ever.

June 25 2015, 16:30:59 UTC 2 years ago

I get that.

biguglymandoll

May 20 2015, 23:44:33 UTC 2 years ago

I feel like there should be a "meanness exemption" for people who are as good-hearted as you. I know that's not what you mean, but I think it nonetheless! Something like "Hey, get outta the - oh, wait, sorry, didn't realize it was you. Please, go ahead." I wish the world around you could be nicer than it is. You bring it up just by being you! Also hope you feel better soon!

June 25 2015, 16:31:14 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you, darlin'.

elizalavelle

May 21 2015, 15:19:17 UTC 2 years ago

I've gone to Disney with someone who has a mostly invisible disability. We've been fortunate in that we've not seen a lot of snark from other park guests but we have had some. What I wish people would realize is that Disney isn't a zero sum game. Everyone's going to get a chance to get on a ride or see the parade etc. so who cares if the person in front of you in line is moving slowly, you're all going to get to have the same experience in the end. I love that Disney is working to make a safe space where everyone can have fun experiences. I wish the guests would catch up to that mindset.

I'm baffled as to why someone would feel the need to stand in front of you when you're in your scooter at a parade... it's not as if they couldn't see from behind you whereas clearly you're not going to be able to see over their heads...

June 25 2015, 16:31:47 UTC 2 years ago

Because my seeing the parade doesn't matter; they paid for this fun, and it belongs to them.

gothrockrulz

May 22 2015, 08:38:44 UTC 2 years ago

I'm so sorry you had to endure such thoughtless treatment. I hope anybody that was unkind like that to you or anybody else does get a good dose of empathy soon.

June 25 2015, 16:31:55 UTC 2 years ago

imogen_blue

May 23 2015, 04:44:15 UTC 2 years ago

I have M.S. & I've been through/seen others go through this.
People's comments are so mean and utterly stupid. Cruel & thoughtless.

I get grumpy often. I don't like people very much anymore. I'm quite happy to just stay alone at home with my books, tea, cat, dogs & fauna rescue possum. Humanity can go to hell. :)

You're a much nicer person than I am. I lost patience with normals a long time ago. I wish them lice, bad breath, warts & no chocolate. :)

June 25 2015, 16:32:19 UTC 2 years ago

No lice! Lice can spread.

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