Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: sad
  • Music: Glee, "Juke Box Hero."

On empathy.

To the woman who made nasty comments about my "turning radius" when I had to move my electric scooter in front of Big Thunder Mountain; to the person who let their children sit on the ground with their hands pressed against my wheels, and scowled when I said this wasn't safe; to the people who stood on curb cuts and glared when asked, politely, if they would let me pass; to the man who snickered and murmured about lazy bitches when I drove by at Typhoon Lagoon; to everyone who sighed and rolled their eyes when a bus had to be lowered to load me on:

I do not wish you my experience. I do not wish you injury or handicap, however temporary. I do not wish you pain. I do not wish you the soul-bruising frustration of being limited by a body that refuses to listen to your commands, or the salt in the wound that is knowing you did nothing to deserve this: that you didn't injure yourself running a marathon or rock-climbing, but instead fell prey to something that can strike anyone, at any time, for any reason. I do not wish you years spent sedentary, watching your friends rush by able-bodied and healthy, and struggling not to resent them for it.

Instead, I wish you empathy.

I wish for a future where you can look at someone using an assistance device, whether it be a cane, a wheelchair, or a motorized scooter, and think "isn't it wonderful how we live in a world where this person can have the same experiences I do."

I wish for a time where you can see someone using a motorized scooter to enjoy something as large as Disney World and think "isn't that person kind, to spare their friends and family the effort of pushing a manual wheelchair around this huge place, just so that they don't have to experience the nerve-racking stress of navigating something so large and potentially dangerous through a crowd."

I wish for a society where you can listen to simple, necessary requests and hear, not an inconvenience, but a leveling out of a certain small imbalance in the world.

I wish for a place where you can see a wheelchair user sitting to watch a parade and not think "great, let's stand in front of them, that's open space," but instead "isn't it lovely how we can all get a good view."

I am not asking for special privileges. I am not asking to go to the head of the line just because my left foot doesn't work sometimes.

All I am asking is to be allowed, unjudged and unresented, to join the line at all.

Thank you.
Tags: cranky blonde is cranky, depression, disney girl, medical fu
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katyhh

May 17 2015, 15:15:59 UTC 2 years ago

Again???? What on Earth is wrong with people. Sighs and offers hugs.

vixyish

May 17 2015, 16:55:27 UTC 2 years ago

Less "again" and more "always".

At Disneyland Paris last year, which i gather you're thinking of, it was the cast members, which was an extra level of sad.

We just got back from Walt Disney World. The cast members at the US Disney Parks are generally lovely about it. But Disney can't control the attitudes of the guests, alas, and there are always those who buy into the " they're just lazy " lie.

kengr

2 years ago

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jenrose1

2 years ago

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katyhh

2 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

2 years ago

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fangirl715

May 17 2015, 15:21:26 UTC 2 years ago

*hugs* I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

seanan_mcguire

June 6 2015, 19:16:16 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

cgbookcat1

May 17 2015, 15:47:49 UTC 2 years ago

Sending hugs! I am sorry that people are jerks.

seanan_mcguire

June 6 2015, 19:16:26 UTC 2 years ago

Me, too.

bunsen_h

May 17 2015, 16:07:58 UTC 2 years ago Edited:  May 18 2015, 00:11:02 UTC

That's the way I try to react. It is, to my regret, often not my first reaction to such people.

*careful hugs*

ETA: I want such people to have empathy. If the only way they could acquire that empathy was to briefly experience what someone else was suffering... I think I'd be okay with that. *sigh* Today has not been one of my better days.

seanan_mcguire

June 6 2015, 19:20:17 UTC 2 years ago

It's often not my first reaction, either, but it's the one I strive for.

marziek

May 17 2015, 16:09:34 UTC 2 years ago

Sending you abundant hugs. People who don't have health problems simply have no clue. I, too, wish they could get a clue.

seanan_mcguire

June 6 2015, 19:20:26 UTC 2 years ago

Me, too.

livejournal

May 17 2015, 16:30:51 UTC 2 years ago

Hello! Your entry got to top-25 of the most popular entries in LiveJournal!
Learn more about LiveJournal Ratings in FAQ.

thnidu

May 17 2015, 17:01:22 UTC 2 years ago

Yucchhh. (((HUGS)))

seanan_mcguire

June 6 2015, 19:20:35 UTC 2 years ago

<3

anne_d

May 17 2015, 17:31:23 UTC 2 years ago

What is wrong with people? Hugs for you.

I've been meaning to tell you also how much I enjoyed your travel journal in tweets, and I'm glad you had such a good time (even if some people were lacking in empathy).

seanan_mcguire

June 6 2015, 19:20:50 UTC 2 years ago

I don't know, and I wish I could fix them.

gammelor

May 17 2015, 17:32:03 UTC 2 years ago

Sending you hugs and tender feelings and also wishing empathy for people. (Right now, I could use some hugs myself, so sharing some virtual ones with you feels so good.)

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 01:40:09 UTC 2 years ago

Hugs for you!

ladymondegreen

May 17 2015, 18:13:15 UTC 2 years ago

Amen. May the day come soon.

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 01:40:26 UTC 2 years ago

<3

ckd

May 17 2015, 18:21:22 UTC 2 years ago

You are kinder than I am. When I went to Disneyland as a kid with my grandmother (and parents and brother), she'd injured her ankle and therefore needed some accommodation (though not a scooter, they weren't available then). Even with age providing a more "acceptable" reason to some people, there were issues...in one case, it's a good thing I remembered "we don't hit people for what they say". Especially given where my fist height would have been on the guy.

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 14:58:03 UTC 2 years ago

I am both glad and sorry you remembered that.

martianmooncrab

May 17 2015, 19:06:07 UTC 2 years ago

They are eediots. And rude. You should have run them over, put one of those ramming thingies on the front and electrified it.

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 14:58:13 UTC 2 years ago

Hee.

Deleted comment

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 14:58:26 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

*hugs*

kyrielle

May 17 2015, 20:46:16 UTC 2 years ago

I am so, so sorry you had to deal with this. :(

I invite anyone who actually thinks that is "easy" or good if you are "lazy" to spend even an hour getting around by such a mechanism and having to stick with it. I'll even let them stand up and walk 1-2 steps when needed for transfers, but no more.

When I was late in my pregnancy with Ian, I was supposed to use the electric carts at stores. And may I just say it sucked? And I could walk into and out of the stores, I could stand up to reach upper shelves, all of that - I was just supposed to minimize walking. It. Sucked. (Although at least, being clearly heavily pregnant, I avoided assholes acting like I didn't need it. Privilege, again.)

I can only imagine that the more you need it and the longer it goes on (and especially somewhere that, you know, people are inclined to say "well if they're not up to it why don't they just stay home?" (because PEOPLE GET TO HAVE FUN DAMMIT)) it sucks worse.

I am so very sorry you had to - anyone ever has to - deal with those attitudes atop having to consider where you could and couldn't go, and how, and etc. :(

geekhyena

May 18 2015, 06:56:50 UTC 2 years ago

"I invite anyone who actually thinks that is "easy" or good if you are "lazy" to spend even an hour getting around by such a mechanism and having to stick with it. I'll even let them stand up and walk 1-2 steps when needed for transfers, but no more." AMEN. I have mobility issues to begin with but after I pulled tendons and was in a wheelchair for 3 months, I learned that ADA compliance is a joke.

And honestly, I think people with chronic pain/mobility issues probably need to get out more than the average person - when you've got that much to deal with, opportunities to relax and have fun help keep you able to deal with it. Being stuck at home and only leaving for necessary errands usually just leads to depression or makes it worse, and then you get trapped in the feedback loop from hell.

kyrielle

2 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

2 years ago

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geekhyena

May 17 2015, 21:04:40 UTC 2 years ago

I am so sorry you had to deal with this. Nothing brings out the assholes like a non-super-skinny person with mobility issues. My roomie and I and one of our best friends all have varying degrees of mobility issues, and the shit we get on a regular basis....I told roomie the next time she needs a mobility scooter I need to rig up a cowcatcher so she can bang into assholes (like what Dahlia did in Something Positive). The lack of empathy for anyone with a disability is astounding and even codified into law and just....it saddens and frustrates me immensely. I am so sorry you had to deal with this and I hope you have many, many asshole-free days in the future.

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 14:59:20 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

jslinder

May 17 2015, 21:31:54 UTC 2 years ago

I file this under bad apples spoiling for the entire bunch (and let me make it clear I do NOT condone such behavior nor the attitude behind it)

Unfortunately, for years there have been people abusing Disney's disability access program. That got a lot of press. And now many people feel, wrongly, that people in scooters are 'faking it' to get in line. I've personally observed such a few times. So I have to admit, when I see scooters, I do wonder at times ...for a moment.. and then I proceed as if they really need one. Which is the right response no matter what, because there is no visual definitive way to determine who needs assistance and who doesn't and either way people should be treated with respect unless they demonstrate otherwise.

This abuse has resulted in new policies, btw, that nobody likes (so I guess they are probably right)

And I give you credit for not trying to go to the front of the line.

It's sadly necessary that I file issues like this, as with ones like 'I paid for this vacation, so I better well be able to....' and others, as 'crap that has to be tolerated because many of my fellow humans do not know how to play with others'.

gement

May 18 2015, 21:50:20 UTC 2 years ago

If someone has the patience to slowly whir through the crowd, enduring dirty looks, verbal abuse, and delays, even if it did result in a "shorter" wait at a ride, I don't see that turning into a net gain on rides per day.

I also can't imagine someone who would find it worth the emotional effort more than once unless it was absolutely necessary.

I assert there's an order of operations issue here. Huge publicity for stories of someone cheating at Disney aren't the *cause* of suspicion and negative attitudes, but the *effect.*

Arachne Jericho

2 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

2 years ago

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kassrachel

May 17 2015, 22:05:32 UTC 2 years ago

I am so sorry that any of this even needs to be said. But you have said it wisely and kindly, and I hope that it reaches someone who needs it.

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 16:02:40 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

wfw_sj

May 17 2015, 22:27:42 UTC 2 years ago

You're a good lady, Seanan, and your empathy toward the small minded is evidence of that. So I wish you love, and I CAN'T WAIT to see you this coming weekend! YAY!

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 16:02:51 UTC 2 years ago

<3

celticdragonfly

May 17 2015, 22:54:44 UTC 2 years ago

Oh, thank you for writing this. I am struggling with feelings on this myself, as I have gradually been going from someone who used to love long daily walks with a book, and loved going contra dancing, to someone who hurts all over most days, can't walk fast or long, and is part-time using a cane and starting to use the scooters and carts. I struggle with knowing that people are looking at me and thinking "oh she's just fat and lazy", and that autoimmune diseases don't *show*, and fighting with the inside feelings that somehow if I just willed it properly I could make it all go away.

jenrose1

May 18 2015, 21:31:47 UTC 2 years ago

I wish there was a way to wear a sign without wearing a sign that says, "I am fat because I have a syndrome which makes exercise difficult at best and counterproductive at worst, combined with metabolic issues and I probably eat healthier than you do."

People mostly don't give me shit since I shaved my head. I assume they think I have cancer or something. Only one person has asked, and in the least obnoxious way possible. (checkout guy at a store I frequent asked if I was "going to be okay" in a pointed way, with much concern.) i don't bother correcting the assumption, though the truth is that crappy genetics, hypothyroid, autoimmune issues and three kids made my hair fall out.

thedragonweaver

2 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

2 years ago

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klwilliams

May 17 2015, 23:23:28 UTC 2 years ago

I'm so sorry you had that experience (at Disney World, of all places). I've mostly encountered extremely nice and helpful people when I've needed to use my walker, though some: the most obnoxious was the officious woman who told me to move my walker so she would have space for her suitcase, though this was the reserved-only-for-disabled-and-never-for-suitcases section of the train.

I hope Disney World rocked and you had a great time otherwise. Next time, I hope there isn't an otherwise.

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 16:03:43 UTC 2 years ago

Me, too.

<3

jenrose1

May 18 2015, 00:49:09 UTC 2 years ago

I'm so, so sorry people have treated you that way.

I've been having to use scooters at the store a LOT lately (fecking ehlers danlos) and while I have to occasionally fight the stores to keep their carts in good repair and accessible (Trader Joe's had theirs in the back room for a long time until I persuaded them that it didn't make sense for someone with limited ability to have to walk to the back of the store to get a mobility aid. It took another eight YEARS and a complaint to corporate to get them to a) hang the key near the machine at the front of the store instead of the manager's desk and b) stop boxing the damn thing in with two buck chuck.) for the most part people have been very good about it. i haven't had someone question my right to park in handicapped except once (where she just asked if I had a hang tag and I pointed at it quizzically and she moved on) and there are trips where I'll ask 20 different strangers to hand me something off a high shelf and they pretty much all do without hesitation.

Still rattling cages (pretty much literally) at many stores which don't allow enough room for an electric or even non-electric cart to go between racks. In Target, I just push them out of the way with the cart anymore because I'm over it. The stores that make more room and make things more accessible get more of my business.

The level of having to interact with random strangers when using an electric cart is way, way over what I would normally want though.

geekhyena

May 18 2015, 01:45:35 UTC 2 years ago

That's one reason my roomie and I often errand together (she has EDS, too) - safety in numbers. The local stores suck in regards to mobility carts. Often they forget to charge them. I haven't ever seen any at Trader Joe's or Whole Foods, either. The worst is public transit, though, especially on days when she's using arm crutches - lots of glares or "you're too young to be disabled!" or people outright ignoring she exists. I have a messed up back and knees due to heredity and sports injuries and if I had a nickel for every time I've gotten a "use the stairs!" or "why can't you stand on the bus/train?" comment.... *heavy sigh* Why can't people just mind their own business?

jenrose1

2 years ago

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geekhyena

2 years ago

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geekhyena

2 years ago

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jenrose1

2 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

2 years ago

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rono_60103

May 18 2015, 01:51:27 UTC 2 years ago

I had to read this to my wife, who had to use a scooter the last time we were at Disneyland; and has used one now for the last three years at San Diego Comic-Con, and at least the last two at the San Diego County Fair. She understood completely. As do I only from having had to use a scooter both at the fair and at Comic-Con last summer.

I'll also note that, at least at Comic-Con, it was not uncommon for parents to drag children IN FRONT of the moving scooter. Not to mention the number of people there who seem to assume that a scooter can move sideways as easily (or more easily) than they can, or otherwise get out of their way; and the people who seem to resent the fact that being in a scooter, wheel chair, or (worst of all) needing a cane lets you wait in the sorter line - albeit one that only has a slightly higher chance of getting you into the panel if you didn't get there before the crack of dawn.

geekhyena

May 18 2015, 06:52:29 UTC 2 years ago

Wait, they drag kids in FRONT of the scooter? Do they want the kid to get injured? I mean, that's 'let your kid play in open traffic' levels of bad parenting right there. Wow. I am so sorry you had to experience that (and kinda worried for those kids)

jenrose1

2 years ago

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geekhyena

2 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

2 years ago

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crewgrrl

May 18 2015, 02:00:33 UTC 2 years ago

I am so sorry that these things are happening to you. I am also sorry that we missed you. I hope this Disney trip was more restorative than hurtful.

seanan_mcguire

June 7 2015, 16:05:44 UTC 2 years ago

It was!

anonymous_sibyl

May 18 2015, 02:28:50 UTC 2 years ago

I'm having one of these weekends myself. They suck. I'm sorry.

seanan_mcguire

June 25 2015, 16:27:49 UTC 2 years ago

They do.

notalwaysweak

May 18 2015, 04:24:19 UTC 2 years ago

It hurts my heart that you had this experience, but I'm so fucking proud of you for this post.

jammiesest

May 20 2015, 02:17:57 UTC 2 years ago

This is what I thought. Horrible experience, amazing Seanan.

seanan_mcguire

2 years ago

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