Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: depressed
  • Music: Hannah reading Sailor Moon fairy tales.

Dealing with some shit: a plea.

I am dealing with some shit right now. Some of you probably already know about the shit; others may be hearing that shit has happened for the first time. I will talk about the shit more, here, soon. It's just that LJ is an innately long-form medium, which means I've been putting off bringing the shit here until I can think about it reasonably. Know that I am coping, I am not alone, and I will explain myself better before much longer. But that is not what this post is about.

Because I have been very busy recently, and because I am known to be dealing with shit, I'm getting more and more "do not reply to this" messages, and "no answer needed" emails. And this is...this is not good. This is incredibly stressful and upsetting and has started sending me into panic spirals when I go to answer my email.

Look: no one can say "reply amnesty" except for me. If I say it, I am telling my brain "okay, you can rest." If you say it, to me, what you're telling my brain is a lovely combination of "I do not want you" and "I do not think you can handle your own responsibilities." This is because my brain is a jerk sometimes, and does not want me to be happy. This is an outgrowth of my OCD. I generally handle it pretty well, but right now, I'm getting a lot of "please do not reply" messages from people expressing sympathy or solidarity, and it's doing horrible things to my mental health.

I am not a fast correspondent. I do not answer everything instantly. I am not capable of keeping up with everything, all the time. But I do my best. I try to endure. Please don't tell me to stop talking to you.

My heart can't take it.
Tags: depression, from mars, shameless plea
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  • 96 comments

mckavian

August 1 2014, 13:25:26 UTC 2 years ago

Even though I am mostly a lurker, I'd love to chat with you.

mckavian@gmail.com

I will always reply, I will not 'do not reply' or 'no answer needed' you.

I have been diagnosed depressed for 36 years.
I am a 1/2 assed writer.
I am a 1/4 assed poet (though I have been published)

If that give you enough to start to chat, please do - I know that talking to a total stranger can be cathartic.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:07:22 UTC 2 years ago

Honestly, I find talking to anyone who isn't already a close friend and hence on the "safe to be weird" list exhausting right now. But thank you for the offer.

The offer is still open

mckavian

November 13 2014, 17:32:52 UTC 2 years ago

You never know - I may be a long lost friend you just met.

I am the weird one of my friends - 'weird' is status quo for some of us, don'tchaknow.

I have found that talking to a random, unbiased stranger/sounding board can be immensely helpful.

Personally, I hope I never hear from you. That your problems get resolved. That your heart stays whole. Your calm stays placid. But, as we are all still human, and it is never this tranquil, the offer is now and will stay open.