Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: depressed
  • Music: Hannah reading Sailor Moon fairy tales.

Dealing with some shit: a plea.

I am dealing with some shit right now. Some of you probably already know about the shit; others may be hearing that shit has happened for the first time. I will talk about the shit more, here, soon. It's just that LJ is an innately long-form medium, which means I've been putting off bringing the shit here until I can think about it reasonably. Know that I am coping, I am not alone, and I will explain myself better before much longer. But that is not what this post is about.

Because I have been very busy recently, and because I am known to be dealing with shit, I'm getting more and more "do not reply to this" messages, and "no answer needed" emails. And this is...this is not good. This is incredibly stressful and upsetting and has started sending me into panic spirals when I go to answer my email.

Look: no one can say "reply amnesty" except for me. If I say it, I am telling my brain "okay, you can rest." If you say it, to me, what you're telling my brain is a lovely combination of "I do not want you" and "I do not think you can handle your own responsibilities." This is because my brain is a jerk sometimes, and does not want me to be happy. This is an outgrowth of my OCD. I generally handle it pretty well, but right now, I'm getting a lot of "please do not reply" messages from people expressing sympathy or solidarity, and it's doing horrible things to my mental health.

I am not a fast correspondent. I do not answer everything instantly. I am not capable of keeping up with everything, all the time. But I do my best. I try to endure. Please don't tell me to stop talking to you.

My heart can't take it.
Tags: depression, from mars, shameless plea
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  • 96 comments

tapati

July 31 2014, 21:41:08 UTC 2 years ago

It's sad when people's coping strategies and issues collide because many of us also don't want to ever be a burden to anyone and expecting a reply might seem like that to some of your correspondents. Now that they know you'd rather reply when you can they can hopefully process that as "I'm not a burden to Seanan after all."

Hoping for better days for you and much comfort and solace during these hard times.

gement

August 1 2014, 16:44:27 UTC 2 years ago

I do worry about being a burden, but I make a point of channeling that into modes of commenting that I know don't require a response (such as second-level commenting), since seeing a previous iteration of this PSA.

Seanan, thanks as always for being clear about your needs and boundaries so we can focus on being helpful instead of helpy.