Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: depressed
  • Music: Hannah reading Sailor Moon fairy tales.

Dealing with some shit: a plea.

I am dealing with some shit right now. Some of you probably already know about the shit; others may be hearing that shit has happened for the first time. I will talk about the shit more, here, soon. It's just that LJ is an innately long-form medium, which means I've been putting off bringing the shit here until I can think about it reasonably. Know that I am coping, I am not alone, and I will explain myself better before much longer. But that is not what this post is about.

Because I have been very busy recently, and because I am known to be dealing with shit, I'm getting more and more "do not reply to this" messages, and "no answer needed" emails. And this is...this is not good. This is incredibly stressful and upsetting and has started sending me into panic spirals when I go to answer my email.

Look: no one can say "reply amnesty" except for me. If I say it, I am telling my brain "okay, you can rest." If you say it, to me, what you're telling my brain is a lovely combination of "I do not want you" and "I do not think you can handle your own responsibilities." This is because my brain is a jerk sometimes, and does not want me to be happy. This is an outgrowth of my OCD. I generally handle it pretty well, but right now, I'm getting a lot of "please do not reply" messages from people expressing sympathy or solidarity, and it's doing horrible things to my mental health.

I am not a fast correspondent. I do not answer everything instantly. I am not capable of keeping up with everything, all the time. But I do my best. I try to endure. Please don't tell me to stop talking to you.

My heart can't take it.
Tags: depression, from mars, shameless plea
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    switch
    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    Help
  • 96 comments

rhoda_rants

July 31 2014, 23:22:37 UTC 2 years ago

The jerkbrain is a very real, and very upsetting thing. Recognizing it for what it is helps. I dunno if it was Captain Awkward who originally came up with that term, but she brought it to my attention, and I am eternally grateful for that.

I also want to echo what tapati said about not wanting to be a burden--since you're a famous-ish author and we're mostly people who just read your stuff and enjoy it, and--by extension--you, it can feel a bit invasive/pushy on my end to expect . . . well anything in return. I say this as someone who has never emailed you or contacted you through anything but the LJ, but that's part of the reason why--I'd feel super overwhelmed in your position. Hell, I can barely keep up with my f'list as it is. It's also why (even though I doubt I've ever expressed this) I feel super appreciative when you do reply to me.

Deal with your shit however you need to; we aren't going anywhere. :)

*ALL THE JEDI HUGS*

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 16:56:57 UTC 2 years ago

If you say YOU MUST REPLY, I get shirty and annoyed. But just talking, and letting me reply when I have air, is never a problem. Honestly.