Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: depressed
  • Music: Hannah reading Sailor Moon fairy tales.

Dealing with some shit: a plea.

I am dealing with some shit right now. Some of you probably already know about the shit; others may be hearing that shit has happened for the first time. I will talk about the shit more, here, soon. It's just that LJ is an innately long-form medium, which means I've been putting off bringing the shit here until I can think about it reasonably. Know that I am coping, I am not alone, and I will explain myself better before much longer. But that is not what this post is about.

Because I have been very busy recently, and because I am known to be dealing with shit, I'm getting more and more "do not reply to this" messages, and "no answer needed" emails. And this is...this is not good. This is incredibly stressful and upsetting and has started sending me into panic spirals when I go to answer my email.

Look: no one can say "reply amnesty" except for me. If I say it, I am telling my brain "okay, you can rest." If you say it, to me, what you're telling my brain is a lovely combination of "I do not want you" and "I do not think you can handle your own responsibilities." This is because my brain is a jerk sometimes, and does not want me to be happy. This is an outgrowth of my OCD. I generally handle it pretty well, but right now, I'm getting a lot of "please do not reply" messages from people expressing sympathy or solidarity, and it's doing horrible things to my mental health.

I am not a fast correspondent. I do not answer everything instantly. I am not capable of keeping up with everything, all the time. But I do my best. I try to endure. Please don't tell me to stop talking to you.

My heart can't take it.
Tags: depression, from mars, shameless plea
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  • 96 comments

jessicameigs

July 31 2014, 20:52:51 UTC 2 years ago

*hugs*

I don't know what particular shit you're dealing with, but I most certainly understand where you're at, because I'm currently in that same position myself. Last Tuesday (the 22nd), my dad was involved in a very bad car accident, and a week ago today, he passed away from complications in the hospital. I haven't been able to even think about writing or even been able to get up the motivation to even try to force myself to write, much less do anything beyond "plan the funeral" and "help my mom deal with the aftermath." Responding to emails? Out of the question, except in short, sometimes almost manic, bursts.

I haven't emailed you or anything (I have no reason to--all it would be is a gushy, fangirly "OMG I LOVE YOUR BOOKS SO EFFIN' MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA" email), but I just wanted to send some e-hugs, because while I have no idea what you're going through, I completely understand and sympathize with the emotions behind it.

morningapproach

July 31 2014, 22:02:01 UTC 2 years ago

*hugs* I am sorry you are going through this. I am sending you and your family positive, loving thoughts!