Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: depressed
  • Music: Hannah reading Sailor Moon fairy tales.

Dealing with some shit: a plea.

I am dealing with some shit right now. Some of you probably already know about the shit; others may be hearing that shit has happened for the first time. I will talk about the shit more, here, soon. It's just that LJ is an innately long-form medium, which means I've been putting off bringing the shit here until I can think about it reasonably. Know that I am coping, I am not alone, and I will explain myself better before much longer. But that is not what this post is about.

Because I have been very busy recently, and because I am known to be dealing with shit, I'm getting more and more "do not reply to this" messages, and "no answer needed" emails. And this is...this is not good. This is incredibly stressful and upsetting and has started sending me into panic spirals when I go to answer my email.

Look: no one can say "reply amnesty" except for me. If I say it, I am telling my brain "okay, you can rest." If you say it, to me, what you're telling my brain is a lovely combination of "I do not want you" and "I do not think you can handle your own responsibilities." This is because my brain is a jerk sometimes, and does not want me to be happy. This is an outgrowth of my OCD. I generally handle it pretty well, but right now, I'm getting a lot of "please do not reply" messages from people expressing sympathy or solidarity, and it's doing horrible things to my mental health.

I am not a fast correspondent. I do not answer everything instantly. I am not capable of keeping up with everything, all the time. But I do my best. I try to endure. Please don't tell me to stop talking to you.

My heart can't take it.
Tags: depression, from mars, shameless plea
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wfw_sj

August 1 2014, 03:04:14 UTC 2 years ago

Love and hugs to you.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:01:11 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

lysystratae

August 1 2014, 03:17:04 UTC 2 years ago

I'm always please when you do happen to reply to something I've said, but busy author is busy, so I never expect a reply (bonus to that is replies are even more fun cuz they're unexpected, like a surprise cookie), but I've been reading your blogs long enough to know that I shouldn't try to dictate what you can or can't do.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:05:16 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you. <3

dharawal

August 1 2014, 03:30:24 UTC 2 years ago

I am always so inordinately pleased when you reply to a comment I have made on LJ or on twitter, it gives me a big boost, I just wish I could do or say something that would help you now.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:05:26 UTC 2 years ago

You did, honestly.

dharawal

2 years ago

  • New comment

jmward14

August 1 2014, 03:56:49 UTC 2 years ago

Hugs. Just hugs.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:05:36 UTC 2 years ago

Hugs are good.

lazzchan

August 1 2014, 04:02:12 UTC 2 years ago

I know you have a lot going on, as you've said-- but you helped me with your comments and your encouragements on a different platform. I know you have a lot of people probably saying this and I'm just a silly fan that adores everything you write and loves the causes you are passionate about and the people you care for-- but I'm a shoulder to lean on and an ear to pour things into if you need it. I'll never close my inbox or mail to you if you need to speak out. *hugs you and hands you dolls and pumpkins*

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:05:47 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

solarbird

August 1 2014, 04:43:50 UTC 2 years ago

I have not done this at all recently, but I think I may have done it in the past, not knowing how that worked. And if so, I apologise.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:05:56 UTC 2 years ago

It's okay.

evaleastaristev

August 1 2014, 05:52:28 UTC 2 years ago

I love hearing back from you, even if it's just a short note. And I totally understand what you're going through.

I love you, so you take care of yourself. I'll be here when you get back.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:06:06 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

Deleted comment

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:06:26 UTC 2 years ago

Your candy corn icon makes me happy. <3

gothrockrulz

August 1 2014, 07:37:51 UTC 2 years ago

I offer you digital hugs and digital tea, and wish you the best.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:06:36 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

kat_merle

August 1 2014, 12:21:56 UTC 2 years ago

Love you if you ever need anything you have my email.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:06:44 UTC 2 years ago

I do!

kassrachel

August 1 2014, 12:55:20 UTC 2 years ago

Holding you in my thoughts and in my prayers.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:06:53 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

mckavian

August 1 2014, 13:25:26 UTC 2 years ago

Even though I am mostly a lurker, I'd love to chat with you.

mckavian@gmail.com

I will always reply, I will not 'do not reply' or 'no answer needed' you.

I have been diagnosed depressed for 36 years.
I am a 1/2 assed writer.
I am a 1/4 assed poet (though I have been published)

If that give you enough to start to chat, please do - I know that talking to a total stranger can be cathartic.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:07:22 UTC 2 years ago

Honestly, I find talking to anyone who isn't already a close friend and hence on the "safe to be weird" list exhausting right now. But thank you for the offer.

The offer is still open

mckavian

2 years ago

  • New comment

ironed_orchid

August 1 2014, 15:06:55 UTC 2 years ago

I love you, and am so sorry to hear about Lilly.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:07:33 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

Pamela Adams

August 1 2014, 15:28:49 UTC 2 years ago

Hugs and kitty head bumps to you.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:07:42 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

tenaya_owlcat

August 1 2014, 20:33:18 UTC 2 years ago

Manymuch virtual hugs and support. *HUGS*

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:07:51 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

calico_reaction

August 1 2014, 22:36:46 UTC 2 years ago

Brains suck sometimes.

Sorry your brain does that to you. I know if/when I've ever done it, and I'm sure others feel the same, it's to not make you feel like you HAVE to respond if you just don't want to. However, from this point forward I'll say what I'm gonna say and trust you to answer in your own time, whenever you're able. Because I don't ever want you to stop talking to me. :)

*HUGS*

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:08:10 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

See you next year!

wickedladybear

August 2 2014, 00:31:21 UTC 2 years ago

Having only the tiniest idea what you may be going through, know you have all the hugs that you want, but you are not required to want them.

I always love when you reply, no matter what. I would completely understand comment amnesty, too. You decide what you need, and I'm all kinds of good with that.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:08:25 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you, darlin'.

dragonsally

August 2 2014, 08:18:15 UTC 2 years ago

Love and hugs to you.

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:08:35 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

17catherines

August 4 2014, 05:34:27 UTC 2 years ago

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope things improve soon.

Is this a good occasion on which to mention just how much I love your Price family series? They are one of my go-to reads when I need something to make me smile. And I just loved the shout-out to Australia in Alex's story.

You are awesome, and I hope your brain starts telling you that more often.

Much love,

Catherine

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:08:47 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

vettecat

August 6 2014, 03:25:11 UTC 2 years ago

So very sorry for all your stress. I hope sending snail mail was OK. (It was the closest we could get to sending a hug.)

seanan_mcguire

November 13 2014, 17:08:57 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.
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