Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: sad
  • Music: Halestorm, "Freak Like Me."

So very tired of the uphill battle.

I spent much of the weekend looking in horror at the news, and at Twitter, and at everything else. A man murdered seven people and injured thirteen others before killing himself, explicitly because he couldn't get women to have sex with him. That's horrifying. That's upsetting and disgusting and wrong.

And then the people started saying "we'll never know why he did it," and I sort of lost my shit and had to go away for a few days.

He actually SAYS, IN SO MANY WORDS, that this is because he hates women. Because women will not give him the sex he so clearly deserves. Because "inferior men" are getting the women he should have. Because women have too much control (IE, the ability to say "no, I do not want to have sex with you"), and so the appropriate response is killing them to death.

But we'll never know why he did it.

A lot of people have said very good, sensible, logical things. Things that point out the power imbalance and the assumptions based on his apparent whiteness (he was half-Malaysian and half-Caucasian) and the fact that if someone shoots basically any other group of people on the planet, we're damn fast to accept that they did it because of hatred, but that when a man shoots a bunch of women, we'll look for any excuse but misogyny. I have not been able to say anything good, or sensible, or logical. Maybe I'll be able to in a week or two. But right now...

Right now, I look at the mounting number of incidents where "she wouldn't have the sex with me" has been used as an excuse for murder, and I'm just tired. That's all. I'm tired of the entitlement, and I'm tired of the assumptions, and I'm tired of the "not ALL men" response whenever someone says "misogyny kills."

I'm tired. No cookies today.
Tags: cranky blonde is cranky, depression, state of the blonde
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  • 96 comments

etcet

May 29 2014, 15:59:54 UTC 3 years ago Edited:  May 29 2014, 16:01:33 UTC

I'm sorry so many men suck. I'm trying to suck less, and make those I come into contact with suck less. We need all the support and allies we can get, and I think that, unfortunately, a high-profile tragedy like this is what has finally torn the blinders off of too many people who'd been assiduously holding them in place, because it was easier that way.

It's slow. It's not without missteps. But I'm starting to see signs of progress - people (of both genders) I would have to shake my head and walk away with a disgusted, "Really?" a year ago when we'd butt heads over feminist ideas/assertions of toxic masculine cultural conditions/etc were incensed over what happened last week.

I have to remain hopeful for the future (and that others do, too). The trajectory from the past is, I hope, going in the right direction, but I agree, that we're not yet out of these woods. *sigh*

seanan_mcguire

May 29 2014, 16:24:40 UTC 3 years ago

That's sort of where I am too: this is a tragedy and a terror, but he SAID IT IN SO MANY WORDS, and that's making it difficult for all but the most entrenched to pretend this isn't happening.

It's just that there are still so many of them, and I'm so tired.

I don't think you suck.

etcet

May 29 2014, 20:54:15 UTC 3 years ago

I try not to as much as possible, because people like you make me want to be better, because, even with the demands, and the frustrations, and ALL THE THINGS, you're sweet and smart and kind and just so damn GOOD that it's inspiring.

So, you know, I hope I meet you at con on a strong-Seanan day, because I have been known to be a bit enthusiastic when hugging, and would not want to damage the nifty. :-)