So very tired of the uphill battle.: seanan

So very tired of the uphill battle.

I spent much of the weekend looking in horror at the news, and at Twitter, and at everything else. A man murdered seven people and injured thirteen others before killing himself, explicitly because he couldn't get women to have sex with him. That's horrifying. That's upsetting and disgusting and wrong.

And then the people started saying "we'll never know why he did it," and I sort of lost my shit and had to go away for a few days.

He actually SAYS, IN SO MANY WORDS, that this is because he hates women. Because women will not give him the sex he so clearly deserves. Because "inferior men" are getting the women he should have. Because women have too much control (IE, the ability to say "no, I do not want to have sex with you"), and so the appropriate response is killing them to death.

But we'll never know why he did it.

A lot of people have said very good, sensible, logical things. Things that point out the power imbalance and the assumptions based on his apparent whiteness (he was half-Malaysian and half-Caucasian) and the fact that if someone shoots basically any other group of people on the planet, we're damn fast to accept that they did it because of hatred, but that when a man shoots a bunch of women, we'll look for any excuse but misogyny. I have not been able to say anything good, or sensible, or logical. Maybe I'll be able to in a week or two. But right now...

Right now, I look at the mounting number of incidents where "she wouldn't have the sex with me" has been used as an excuse for murder, and I'm just tired. That's all. I'm tired of the entitlement, and I'm tired of the assumptions, and I'm tired of the "not ALL men" response whenever someone says "misogyny kills."

I'm tired. No cookies today.

seabhac_mhor

May 30 2014, 05:26:23 UTC 3 years ago

New comment

*hugs, cookies, and the booze of your choice*

I wish there was more I could offer, but I'm kind of buried in personal overwhelm at the moment. At least there's #YesAllWomen....

seanan_mcguire

June 25 2014, 00:21:27 UTC 3 years ago

Yes.

elialshadowpine

May 30 2014, 13:07:00 UTC 3 years ago

I don't even know what to say on this anymore. I'm just numb. I've been reblogging excellent posts on FB like Chuck Wending's.

*offers of homemade vanilla cordial, because holy shit, there isn't enough booze for this*

June 25 2014, 00:21:38 UTC 3 years ago

Oooooooooooooo more booze.

sirriamnis

May 30 2014, 15:07:33 UTC 3 years ago

I had to take a twitter break, and a most of the internet break, because of it. I couldn't even work up angry, I was just so damned depressed about it, and about all the asshole dudes rushing to "Not ALL Men!" at every available opportunity.

And yeah, he left a written document and videos detailing why he did it: He Hated Women. The next person who tells me, "Well, yes, but we'll never REALLY know," is going to get punched in the jimmie (and $5 says it's a dude, so appropriate). I just can't even.

June 25 2014, 00:21:55 UTC 3 years ago

I think there's a lot of inability to even going around.

mac_arthur_park

May 30 2014, 18:46:18 UTC 3 years ago

I'm right there with you. Between this and dealing with FedEx/Kinko's corporate over the predatory creep who sexually harassed me (I actually was asked what I was wearing!!!!), I'm just...done.

Been wearing my "Wicked Girl" shirt a lot. It has become a cross between a security blanket and body armor. Thank you.

June 25 2014, 00:22:12 UTC 3 years ago

You are so welcome.

mariadkins

May 30 2014, 18:59:45 UTC 3 years ago

just remember, http://emergencykitten.com is one of your best friends. :)

June 25 2014, 00:22:22 UTC 3 years ago

It really, really is.

notalwaysweak

May 31 2014, 12:19:55 UTC 3 years ago

I get it. I could really use a spider army right now. Instead, there are grasshoppers. The drinkable sort.

June 25 2014, 00:22:34 UTC 3 years ago

I like grasshoppers, period.

thedragonweaver

May 31 2014, 18:09:12 UTC 3 years ago

It's times like these that I am really thankful for my friends group. Because scrolling through my FB feed was one post after another that just got it, including the posts from the guys. And one of them posted this link from a therapist, who not only outlines some of the broader cultural concerns going on, but potential solutions that people can implement on an individual level to reduce the pool of potential violent outbreaks.

Incidentally, the best comment I've seen as a response to "Not All Men" is "It Only Takes One."