Fun is sometimes a four-letter word.: seanan

Fun is sometimes a four-letter word.

People ask me "well, did you have fun?" a lot. After conventions, after signings, after anything that would have involved me appearing in a professional capacity. I generally smile and say I had a very nice time, but that's not always enough. Some people want to know, for sure and for certain, that I had fun. That I am riding my giddy inner parade float off to Candy Mountain, land of sweet sugary joyness, and not counting the minutes until I can take off my shoes and stop trying to interact with humans.

This is difficult for me.

Here is what I do for fun at a convention: I cruise the dealer's room, sometimes for hours, looking at things I have no intention of buying, spending too much money at the same time. I go back to my hotel room and eat M&Ms while watching cartoons on whatever kid-oriented channel the hotel includes as part of its cable package. Sometimes, when I have a few hours of downtime, I attend a concert or get someone to drive me to the nearest Target, where I buy cranberry juice and Diet Dr Pepper and more M&Ms.

Here is what I do not do for fun: everything else.

I love being a guest at conventions. It's one of my natural environments. I grew up at cons, I'm good at cons, I always have a nice time. I always have a good time. Even at the con where I had an allergic reaction so severe that I spent literally three hours in my hotel room huddled around the toilet bowl and crying, I had a good time. But I don't have much fun. Fun is not the reason I am there. Like the girls on reality shows who aren't there to make friends, I am not there to enjoy myself: I'm there to work.

When I am a guest at a con, I am there to help you have fun. I'm there to listen and speak and sign and sometimes give hugs. I'm there to hand out ribbons and admire tattoos and do whatever is asked of me, because I'm working. I am at work. My job is awesome and enjoyable and I am so, so lucky to have it; sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have it. I wouldn't change it for anything. But every time I do something I consider "fun" (latest example: chasing lizards around the rocks at Disneyland), I am reminded that no, I am not at conventions to have fun. And that's a good thing.

I am making more fun for you.

elialshadowpine

May 2 2014, 07:35:44 UTC 3 years ago

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I totally hear you. It's part of why I've been dithering on volunteering as a panelist (while I don't have books currently available, I have been published; medical and life issues have been such that it's only been this year I have really started to get back into things, and not really as much as I would like even then). I would like to see more specific panels than just, for instance, broad topics like Feminism in SFF and Disability in SFF. I've been three times and the panels pretty much go the same way, so I'd like to suggest other things, and many people have suggested I volunteer, but that involves the con becoming work. (I may still decide to do it anyway. We shall see. A lot depends on my anxiety, really.)

I want to thank you for all the awesome stuff you did at Norwescon, because it was amazing to meet you, and I loved your Q&A and concert. I especially appreciated the concert given you mentioned you were having such severe foot pain; as I have both, well, chronic pain, but I've also had severe tendinitis in my achilles tendons to the point that standing was agony, so... having had that experience myself, I just wanted to thank you for being willing to put yourself through that to make awesome fun times for the rest of us. (Also, I totally wore my new Slasher Chicks tank out today to lunch with my gf and her Other Husband. SO COMFY. >_>)

seanan_mcguire

May 2 2014, 22:02:54 UTC 3 years ago

I am so glad I was able to help make it a good convention for you. :) And I know, right? Those shirts are AWESOME.

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Fun is sometimes a four-letter word.

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