Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: distressed
  • Music: The Barr Brothers, "Beggar in the Morning."

There are lines. Please stop crossing them.

When I posted about depression, I said that I was giving myself comment amnesty; I said that I might not (probably would not) read the comments.

Since then, people have contacted me via email (when they had it), via my old email (which I rarely check), via my contact form, via Facebook, and via my Tumblr, to give me their phone numbers, to tell me not to hurt myself (which I did not threaten to do), to provide crisis hotlines, to make suggestions about medication (which I did not solicit), and in one case, to threaten to report me to the police as a suicide risk if I did not update my blog immediately to show that I was still alive.

Please. Stop. "Comment amnesty" did not mean "work harder to make sure that your words, your well wishes, your specific need to engage with my depression will be heard." I try to keep open dialogs on this blog, and I usually appreciate communication, but right now, this contact is intrusive, and upsetting, and seems to prioritize the needs of the contacting person above mine. Please. Stop.

This is why I do not talk when I am sad.
Tags: depression, shameless plea
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  • 222 comments
...go 2 levels up... Expand

silvertwi

January 13 2014, 02:50:43 UTC 3 years ago

I think I know how you feel, as much as one person can understand another. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to convince most people that "I posted about it because it's going on and I want to tell someone" does not mean "give me all the unsolicited advice!" or "I broke a limb this one time..." Yes, because constant, chronic pain going on years is the exact same fucking thing as a broken bone that heals after a while. False equivalence. People do the same thing when I bring up depression or anxiety or PTSD. It's like, "Stop being broken because it makes me feel bad and I don't like feeling bad so I'm going to try to help, only to make things worse..."

I'm sorry you're dealing with that on a massive scale, Seanan. I hear you.

peneli

January 30 2014, 23:37:44 UTC 3 years ago

Ugh, that thing.

"Have you tried x?" is not actually helpful when I tell you about the chronic illness that I have had for the past 28 years. I probably know more about x than you, and my disease than you, and just ... shut up already.

I never realized the equivalence between that and people being intrusively helpful in situations like Seanan's. I mean, it seems obvious now, but my brain never connected them before. Thanks for helping me understand.