Since then, people have contacted me via email (when they had it), via my old email (which I rarely check), via my contact form, via Facebook, and via my Tumblr, to give me their phone numbers, to tell me not to hurt myself (which I did not threaten to do), to provide crisis hotlines, to make suggestions about medication (which I did not solicit), and in one case, to threaten to report me to the police as a suicide risk if I did not update my blog immediately to show that I was still alive.
Please. Stop. "Comment amnesty" did not mean "work harder to make sure that your words, your well wishes, your specific need to engage with my depression will be heard." I try to keep open dialogs on this blog, and I usually appreciate communication, but right now, this contact is intrusive, and upsetting, and seems to prioritize the needs of the contacting person above mine. Please. Stop.
This is why I do not talk when I am sad.
January 13 2014, 05:16:37 UTC 3 years ago
On a personal level, I have close friends living on Disability benefits become of chronic depression. I was also diagnosed with chronic depression in the past. I've been on many antidepressants over a period of six years, though am very glad I was finally taken off them. I've read a lot of books (from Prozac Nation to the Encyclopedia of Depression).
As far as cultures and suicide: the Muslims who die as suicide bombers to kill their enemies in fatwa, holy war, see this as a rational tactic. Islam says that martys will be rewarded in heaven in the afterlife. On the other hand, the Catholic Church sees suicide as a mortal sin. Classical Greek and Romans saw suicide as appropriate in certain situations (saving honor, under order by the Emperor, to escape intolerable situations, as an act of defiance against one's enemies). Their conception of afterlives did not generally punish the act of honorable suicide. And then there are the Japanese kamikaze ("divine wind") suicide fighter pilots of World War II... If that's irrational, then it was an irrational belief held by much of Japanese society. What the Jewish rebels did at Masada against certain Roman reprisal is also of note here.
So I know that modern mainstream thought agrees with you: suicide is usually irrational. I disagree. I've held this belief for quite a while, and it has kept me warm through many a lonely, miserable night, to paraphrase someone else's quote. Anyway, I know what it's like to have chronic health problems or feel like there's no way out. But I also support the right to die movement -- I think we don't have a choice at being born, but once we are, we chose how we live and we chose how we die, if we can.
January 13 2014, 23:13:13 UTC 3 years ago
(Just ended up close to two situations involving impulse suicide or self-harm during suicidal ideation in the last 4 months. Neither was rational, based on actual events in the person's life -- though one was in a painful situation, it was not one rationally resolved by her death. Know another person with frequent suicidal ideation. Again, not rational based on the actual events of her life.)
January 16 2014, 05:24:38 UTC 3 years ago
I wrote a two-paragraph, thoughtful reply to your thoughtful post yesterday... Then Firefox crashed (probably too many open tabs), and I lost the piece. :(
Next time, I write it in a text editor/word processor and copy to LJ...
I will retype it as soon as I can, since I really wanted to respond!
Mack