Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: distressed
  • Music: The Barr Brothers, "Beggar in the Morning."

There are lines. Please stop crossing them.

When I posted about depression, I said that I was giving myself comment amnesty; I said that I might not (probably would not) read the comments.

Since then, people have contacted me via email (when they had it), via my old email (which I rarely check), via my contact form, via Facebook, and via my Tumblr, to give me their phone numbers, to tell me not to hurt myself (which I did not threaten to do), to provide crisis hotlines, to make suggestions about medication (which I did not solicit), and in one case, to threaten to report me to the police as a suicide risk if I did not update my blog immediately to show that I was still alive.

Please. Stop. "Comment amnesty" did not mean "work harder to make sure that your words, your well wishes, your specific need to engage with my depression will be heard." I try to keep open dialogs on this blog, and I usually appreciate communication, but right now, this contact is intrusive, and upsetting, and seems to prioritize the needs of the contacting person above mine. Please. Stop.

This is why I do not talk when I am sad.
Tags: depression, shameless plea
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  • 222 comments
...go 1 level up... Expand

seanan_mcguire

January 12 2014, 21:10:00 UTC 3 years ago

I completely understand that this is coming from a place of "I want to help." I've experienced the same reaction from friends and family members at other points in my life. And that is when I, and other sad people, sometimes stop opening up. Because it feels less like support, and more like "STOP INCONVENIENCING ME WITH YOUR DEPRESSION."

elialshadowpine

January 13 2014, 06:25:05 UTC 3 years ago Edited:  January 13 2014, 06:29:26 UTC

That last line, yes. It is why I don't talk about feeling suicidal on Facebook, and one of many reasons my LJ is locked down and filtered to people I trust won't do that BS... I have dealt with, not as extreme as "I will call the police if you don't check in" but similar ableist bullshit. (I can go into why I consider it ableist, if you want, but I don't want to derail.) Edit: Upon further consideration, I actually think I want to write a public post about this (mental illness & well-meaning ableism) ... do you mind if I reference your posts here?

I would also suggest there is some amount of sexism involved, because I have male friends who have talked about their depression, who have large reader bases, who may have also received unsolicited medical advice -- but -- nowhere was ever threats. Telling you they will report you to the police if you don't update your blog regularly is a threat, and one that I have never seen directed at a man -- but I have known other women who have received similar threats.