Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: distressed
  • Music: The Barr Brothers, "Beggar in the Morning."

There are lines. Please stop crossing them.

When I posted about depression, I said that I was giving myself comment amnesty; I said that I might not (probably would not) read the comments.

Since then, people have contacted me via email (when they had it), via my old email (which I rarely check), via my contact form, via Facebook, and via my Tumblr, to give me their phone numbers, to tell me not to hurt myself (which I did not threaten to do), to provide crisis hotlines, to make suggestions about medication (which I did not solicit), and in one case, to threaten to report me to the police as a suicide risk if I did not update my blog immediately to show that I was still alive.

Please. Stop. "Comment amnesty" did not mean "work harder to make sure that your words, your well wishes, your specific need to engage with my depression will be heard." I try to keep open dialogs on this blog, and I usually appreciate communication, but right now, this contact is intrusive, and upsetting, and seems to prioritize the needs of the contacting person above mine. Please. Stop.

This is why I do not talk when I am sad.
Tags: depression, shameless plea
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elsewhereangel

January 13 2014, 17:32:18 UTC 3 years ago Edited:  January 13 2014, 17:32:39 UTC

Thank you for posting that original entry though. It really does help to know that other people feel such feelings some of the time as well - and get through them safely!

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:46:55 UTC 3 years ago

Yes!

elsewhereangel

3 years ago

  • New comment

dornbeast

January 13 2014, 17:44:55 UTC 3 years ago

Argh.

I feel like I know more about you than I'm required to know - not "too much information," more like, "It's generous of Seanan to talk openly about things that she has every right to keep private" - and I wouldn't try to do things like that.

(My self-image of social incompetence is being ruined here, people. Get it together!)

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:47:06 UTC 3 years ago

<3

Dawn Gray

January 13 2014, 18:13:34 UTC 3 years ago

Over the past half-century, I have discovered that 4-letter words don't distress people nearly as much as the 7-letter "S" word. A total of 3 people in my life have understood that if I'm talking about it, it is a good thing.

I admire you and respect you a lot. It takes a lot of courage to talk about depression and suicide openly and honestly, and especially to an audience that often misunderstands. I will light a candle for you, just to make sure there's always a little light.

Dawn G.

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:47:16 UTC 3 years ago

Hugs for you.

kay_gmd

January 13 2014, 18:24:12 UTC 3 years ago

I'm so grateful that you're brave enough not to let this kind of crap shut you up!!

People can really fail at sensitivity, and at reading comprehension!

Sorry it's a pet peeve, but you made it reasonably clear that you were talking about it because your most recent issues with it were out of the crisis zone, and thus out of the area where any non-expert should try to jump in and help.

I'd still hold off since you made it clear that you weren't seeking help, but throwing help at someone who's not in crisis, and asking that you not provide it seems like you're helping yourself more than anyone else.

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:47:31 UTC 3 years ago

That's how it feels to me, too.

dr_zrfq

January 13 2014, 19:04:49 UTC 3 years ago Edited:  January 13 2014, 19:05:45 UTC

I maintain my position that Our Beloved Seanan will not die until Toby offs her. (Which *will* happen, sooner or later. There has *never* been a guarantee as to how long or short a time may pass between now and that unhappy, but not really unexpected, event.)

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:47:41 UTC 3 years ago

Seriously.

notalwaysweak

January 13 2014, 20:03:37 UTC 3 years ago

I went through the comments on the initial depression post just to see how people were reacting, and everything seemed to be hunky-dory here, but apparently people were bringing the suck elsewhere.

*sighs* I'll rally the redbacks; they object less to being squeezed through the series of tubes that is the Internet than the funnelwebs do. Although the police report one deserves an angry funnelweb.

If it helps, I bought Indexing two days ago (it wasn't working in Australia before, I don't know), and have been enjoying every page of it. I'm trying to make this one last, so one ep a day, but it's haaaard.

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:48:00 UTC 3 years ago

Ironically, I think it's because I cried comment amnesty. They knew they had to work to reach me.

gothrockrulz

January 13 2014, 21:01:12 UTC 3 years ago

Ouch. So sorry you got such ungracious reactions. Apparently, the whole point of your sharing what you went through was missed. :(

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:48:09 UTC 3 years ago

Apparently.

deire

January 13 2014, 23:49:00 UTC 3 years ago

Damn it. If you *had* been suicidal, that kind of pressure would have been *so* helpful. Nothing makes depression and anxiety better than stalking!

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:48:20 UTC 3 years ago

So true!

jeleyne

January 14 2014, 01:30:25 UTC 3 years ago

Your post clearly stated it was about some months past, not where you were at that moment. Some people are insensitive idiots and don't pay attention. Grrr. Many have noted that it was a brave post. It was. It is also one of the most clearly written, eloquent descriptions of depression that I have seen. The next time I have to try to explain the malady to someone who Just Doesn't Understand It, I plan to pull out a copy and hand it to them. So I thank you for that - and for sticking around.

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:48:35 UTC 3 years ago

Very welcome.

madtom_o_bedlam

January 14 2014, 05:23:43 UTC 3 years ago

I love you even when you're broken. We're all broken toys.

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:48:46 UTC 3 years ago

True. We are.

museclio

January 14 2014, 19:59:20 UTC 3 years ago Edited:  January 14 2014, 20:00:57 UTC

So, I read your last post to my SO. I have pretty severe (mostly, sometimes, I hope controlled)depression. I read it to him because you had the words to explain what it sometimes feels like inside my head, and you didn't even have to use dead fish to make it clear. I appreciated that. I also saw it as a case of saying here is what's up, not a request for help from strangers on the internet. I think you're nifty, I read everything you've written, and if I'm ever out on the right coast at the right time when you're doing a Borderlands thing, I'll fangirl in person, but, I'm not your friend, I'm your fan. You get to have boundaries and lines, and places that are for friends to help. You deserve to be respected damnit.

seanan_mcguire

January 15 2014, 18:37:31 UTC 3 years ago

I am so glad I could help, even if it was helping through explanation.

inflectionpoint

January 15 2014, 03:33:08 UTC 3 years ago

I'm so terribly sorry someone did that to you.

I stopped speaking to my sister over something like this. When I stopped answering her abusive and controlling phone calls, she managed to get the police to "come check on me" because she was "worried."</p>

I'll never forget the rage I felt at the boundary violation. Haven't spoken to her since. Don't intend to.

Wishing you healing and safe space.

seanan_mcguire

January 15 2014, 18:37:58 UTC 3 years ago

...oh my gosh. I am so proud of you for not murdering anyone.

I wish you the same.

libris_leonis

January 15 2014, 04:25:13 UTC 3 years ago

...I do not understand. Surely "comment amnesty" clearly means "I might not be able to deal with you at this time, so please don't get in contact" not "threaten, blackmail, intrude on my personal life and physical/psychological health, and provide unsolicited medical advice at will, pretty please!"

That's... relatively clear, right? Sorry you're having to deal with it at an already difficult time.

seanan_mcguire

January 15 2014, 18:38:21 UTC 3 years ago

I thought it was, but what do I know?

libris_leonis

3 years ago

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laurieness

January 20 2014, 04:58:01 UTC 3 years ago

wishing you wellness & strength through the hard times. I love your books, and thoroughly enjoy how much you let yor fans "in", through your blog. Thank you for sharing so openly with us. Sad to hear some do not understand what you do here well enough to properly respect your boundaries.

seanan_mcguire

January 20 2014, 17:11:40 UTC 3 years ago

Thank you.

digitaleopard

January 27 2014, 07:18:47 UTC 3 years ago

You have my complete understanding and heartfelt sympathies. There's a reason I don't talk about this stuff with anyone.

seanan_mcguire

November 21 2014, 18:00:00 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you.

You can always talk to me, although I may not reply quickly.

Zeenatroohi Kwon

January 31 2014, 21:46:07 UTC 3 years ago

Sorry people were being intrusive. Through my own struggles with depression, I have seen people interpreting, "being supportive" as "being in your face." Many times that hurt worse than not having any "help" at all. So sorry that it happened to you.

seanan_mcguire

November 21 2014, 18:00:12 UTC 2 years ago

Thank you for your support.
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