Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: distressed
  • Music: The Barr Brothers, "Beggar in the Morning."

There are lines. Please stop crossing them.

When I posted about depression, I said that I was giving myself comment amnesty; I said that I might not (probably would not) read the comments.

Since then, people have contacted me via email (when they had it), via my old email (which I rarely check), via my contact form, via Facebook, and via my Tumblr, to give me their phone numbers, to tell me not to hurt myself (which I did not threaten to do), to provide crisis hotlines, to make suggestions about medication (which I did not solicit), and in one case, to threaten to report me to the police as a suicide risk if I did not update my blog immediately to show that I was still alive.

Please. Stop. "Comment amnesty" did not mean "work harder to make sure that your words, your well wishes, your specific need to engage with my depression will be heard." I try to keep open dialogs on this blog, and I usually appreciate communication, but right now, this contact is intrusive, and upsetting, and seems to prioritize the needs of the contacting person above mine. Please. Stop.

This is why I do not talk when I am sad.
Tags: depression, shameless plea
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Liz Underwood

January 13 2014, 03:27:38 UTC 3 years ago

You make my life better. Thought you should know.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:20:18 UTC 3 years ago

Thank you.

zola

January 13 2014, 03:36:55 UTC 3 years ago

I for one am very, very sorry that what I thought was a simple expression of caring was interpreted as somehow breaking boundaries or being intrusive. I didn't think you were at all suicidal from your post, but I did actually send you my phone number because there are entirely too many people that say they care and don't back it up with their actions. I wasn't thinking of now at all, but perhaps some day if things got very bad and you just needed someone to listen, you should know that I was willing to do just that. I actually didn't expect you to use the number, I wanted to show my support of your efforts.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:21:43 UTC 3 years ago

I get that, and if it had been just you, it would have been one thing. But it wasn't. It was over a dozen people, through different channels, some of which could be stopped by my PA, others of which came straight to me. And sadly, that's why I don't talk about depression while I'm depressed, and need the help. Because being dogpiled flips me out and makes me miserable and causes me to self-isolate, since I'm very clearly becoming a burden.

zola

3 years ago

  • New comment

mythusmage

January 13 2014, 03:49:05 UTC 3 years ago

Anyone who insists that life can never suck has serious problems. (Want to correspond in private, email.)

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:21:55 UTC 3 years ago

Agree.

lysystratae

January 13 2014, 04:03:44 UTC 3 years ago

Wow. People are stupid sometimes.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:22:04 UTC 3 years ago

Yes.

soundingsea

January 13 2014, 04:44:11 UTC 3 years ago

*hugs* I'll never understand why people feel the need to make one's pain about THEM.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:22:12 UTC 3 years ago

Me, neither.

triskelmoon

January 13 2014, 04:57:19 UTC 3 years ago

What the fucking fuck.

Not ok.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:22:24 UTC 3 years ago

Humans.

WTF.

theunshaven

January 13 2014, 05:00:50 UTC 3 years ago

I'd like to join the throngs apologising on behalf of the Drama Llamas with Difficulty Comprehending the Written Word out there, and also to thank you for being brave enough to talk about this stuff.

I'd also like to thank you for your fiction. 2013 has been a sucky year for me, and settling down to read the adventures of Toby or of the Aeslin Mice (also featuring Verity Price!) aloud together with my partner has been a big pick-us-up.

Thank you.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:22:40 UTC 3 years ago

You are welcome, and thank you.

thedragonweaver

January 13 2014, 05:01:32 UTC 3 years ago

And people wonder why those who have depression or who have had it in the past are so reluctant to talk about it. Sheesh.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:22:52 UTC 3 years ago

Seriously.

elisem

January 13 2014, 05:03:17 UTC 3 years ago

You are so very clear, and so very honest. I sometimes want to grab people and say "Read for content!" because really, argh. I'm sorry they're doing the obnoxious stuff they're doing. I'm really glad you're doing the excellent stuff you're doing, including talking truth about depression.

Your talking about yours, and other people talking about theirs, makes it a little bit easier to deal with mine. Thank you.

If you need a guard Lioness to growl at people who cross lines, heck, I'd do that.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:23:09 UTC 3 years ago

I love you so very much you don't even know.

themadfish

January 13 2014, 05:08:53 UTC 3 years ago

Woow. Wtf people?

Sorry you had to deal with that.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:46:36 UTC 3 years ago

Thanks.

ashabardon

January 13 2014, 05:49:30 UTC 3 years ago

Sweet Lady, that's just not right ... it isn't crossing a line, it's blundering into a whole new country!

Seanan: thank you for talking about your depression. Thst's one of the annoying things, lots of people have it - including myself - and yet no one talks. You're doing so much good by sharing with us and people who don't specifically the ones who think book deal/happy marriages/kittehs/SOs/college etc solve EVERYTHING. I think between you and Jim Hines, you've done more to remind people that depression doesn't give a damn who you are and what you do, it just eats you.

Also I second the maglite comment, except I will do kitteh alibis as well :D

Hugs and thank you!

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:48:06 UTC 3 years ago

That's why I thought it was important I say something.

We have to start talking.

phantasm13

January 13 2014, 06:22:32 UTC 3 years ago

Even if you don't read this, just saying despite the others thinking they were being "helpful" I am glad you wrote what you did in your previous post.

Too long we have kept the skeleton of depression hidden in the closet. Too long we have dismissed depression as nothing serious -that doesn't exist.

So I applaud you for sharing even if others were too narrow minded to see it as just that, sharing.

Sometimes it is nice to know you are not alone in fighting these demons in the dark.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:48:16 UTC 3 years ago

Thank you.

People are so incredibly clueless sometimes.

wyld_dandelyon

January 13 2014, 06:35:04 UTC 3 years ago

I'm sorry to see this post was needed.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:48:49 UTC 3 years ago

Thanks.

kayangel

January 13 2014, 07:05:04 UTC 3 years ago

Sorry you have been getting inundated. I really appreciated seeing your post. It was such a more honest, eloquent expression of depression than I've ever managed. Makes me want to pass the blog around to everyone who's ever asked me what I have to be depressed about. No reply is necessary. Not trying to add to your mountain. Just wanted to say thanks.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:49:02 UTC 3 years ago

You are very welcome.

gwenlle

January 13 2014, 07:19:20 UTC 3 years ago

I'm really sorry you had to deal with that.

I did want to say, for what it's worth, that your posts about depression, about being suicidal have meant a lot to me; I have had experiences of being depressed and intrusive suicidal ideation. The narrowing you described is such a great way to put it - when I have problems with depression I feel like I lose all perspective. It's helpful, to me, to hear about other people who have some of the same problems and feelings - people who keep surviving. And, although I wish you the best, and sincerely hope that you don't have to struggle with these things again, I appreciate the realness of hearing the stories of people who haven't Solved It. Unlike my acquaintance's cousin who just started doing yoga and was never sad again, or my uncle's friend who also got headaches and fixed it by [whatever]. Maybe their suggestions would work for me, maybe I don't have the wherewithal to implement them all, maybe they wouldn't. But it's good to see that there are people who don't have It All Solved and who keep going.

So, thank you. I know other people have said similar things, but since I know you've said you're trying to use your platform for good, I wanted to cast a vote in the "Yes, that is awesome and thank you" column.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:49:14 UTC 3 years ago

I am so glad to have helped.

joecoustic

January 13 2014, 10:30:10 UTC 3 years ago

How sadly frustrating. *sigh* *big hugs*

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:49:23 UTC 3 years ago

*hugs*

acelightning

January 13 2014, 10:36:29 UTC 3 years ago

This is a serious question. I emphatically don't want to be intrusive, or make you feel worse, or tell you obvious things that you've heard so many times that the mere mention of them makes you want to scream obscenities and throw large breakable objects. So what's the best way for someone like me to express concern and offer whatever comfort might be appropriate, without being creepy or making it all about me when it's clearly about YOU?

(Gods, those sentences got convoluted. I think I'm running out of semicolons.)

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:50:03 UTC 3 years ago

Commenting on the post where I'd cried amnesty would have worked, since then it wouldn't require an answer from me. Just being here is supportive enough, I promise.

acelightning

3 years ago

  • New comment

lyssabard

January 13 2014, 11:40:53 UTC 3 years ago Edited:  January 13 2014, 11:41:38 UTC

*sigh* This is why we can't have nice things.

I am grateful for your last post, and adding to the "I'm Sorry People Were Shitty" contingent.

the_gk_solution_by_tarnisis-d6p5610

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:50:23 UTC 3 years ago

I need a bog.

lyssabard

3 years ago

  • New comment

sentientcitizen

January 13 2014, 13:06:30 UTC 3 years ago

I'm really glad you made the first post. It helps to know what someone else goes through these things too. But I'm so sorry it got you to the kind of response that it did. Stay safe and do what you have to do, to take care of yourself.

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:50:34 UTC 3 years ago

Thank you.

B.e. Sanderson

January 13 2014, 14:28:23 UTC 3 years ago

:hugs:

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:50:41 UTC 3 years ago

Hugs!

anne_d

January 13 2014, 14:46:13 UTC 3 years ago

*offers hugs and kitty purrs and head-bumps*

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:50:50 UTC 3 years ago

Aw, yay.

Deleted comment

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 15:51:04 UTC 3 years ago

I am so glad to have helped, in any way.

ladymondegreen

January 13 2014, 16:23:14 UTC 3 years ago

*spitty cat mode* *growls at all the stupid people*

*bakes you brownies with candy corn in*

seanan_mcguire

January 13 2014, 16:23:51 UTC 3 years ago

That would either be delicious or terrifying, and I don't know which.

ladymondegreen

3 years ago

  • New comment

Bonnie Whitley Potter

January 13 2014, 17:23:51 UTC 3 years ago

Holy crap! I feel stalkerish when I tweet you. I can't imagine chasing you down like that. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this.

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 17:49:34 UTC 3 years ago

Thank you.

artbeco

January 13 2014, 17:30:44 UTC 3 years ago

*hugs* from all of us, most especially Lester.

seanan_mcguire

January 14 2014, 18:46:43 UTC 3 years ago

Lester hugs are the very best hugs.
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