chipperWelcome to the second of the Twelve Days of Hogswatch. I will be starting a new giveaway every day between now and January 6th (the day after my birthday). Each giveaway will have different rules, and a different deadline, although all prizes will be mailed on January 9th, because I am bad at going to the post office.
This giveaway is for a shiny new copy of Velveteen vs. The Multiverse, the second volume in the adventures of Velma "Velveteen" Martinez, crankiest superheroine this side of the Mississippi. This is going to be a random number drawing with a twist, because I am silly. So...
1. To enter, comment on this post.
2. If you are international, indicate both this and your willingness to pay postage.
3. Explain your superpower. What is it? How does it work? What are your strengths and weaknesses?
I will choose the winner at 1PM PST on Monday, December 30th, by randomly selecting two heroes and deciding the outcome of a fight. (Note: "my superpower is I can do anything" means you will inevitably be defeated by Squirrel Girl. That's what she's for. Remember that in the Velveteen-verse, cunning and treachery often defeats raw strength.)
Game on!
December 26 2013, 18:26:41 UTC 3 years ago Edited: December 26 2013, 18:34:58 UTC
Supervillains will cower in fear when confronted with the threat of properly formed sentences, and the menacing red pen that will mercilessly correct their every error. My powers lend truth to the saying that the (red) pen is mightier than the sword.
This power works best against enemies with low self-esteem and poor writing skills, who will be reduced to a trembling puddle of shame as I mercilessly correct every paper and story they have ever written, and rephrase each poorly constructed sentence that comes out of their mouths.
This superpower also comes in handy when editing written work such as research papers and works of fiction. It could, in a pinch, be useful in earning a (rather small) income. (It has also turned out to be quite useful in my current profession in the field of special education.)
My power is, admittedly, virtually useless against enemies who excel at well-constructed exposition, and requires either the ability to speak clearly and authoritatively, or a functional writing implement (a red pen is ideal, but pens of other colors, markers, and even pencils will work in a pinch) and materials that the aforementioned enemy has written, such as wince-worthy fan fiction, poorly constructed high school papers, and transcripts of recent text messages.
The downside to this power is that every unnecessary use of the word "like" (as in Valley Girl dialect) causes me physical pain, and the exposure to essays liberally peppered with text-message grammar and spelling will eventually cause my head to explode. Improper use of "literally" will figuratively cause me to vomit, and "I could care less" in place of "I could *not* care less" makes me literally see red (which makes it a bit hard to see anything else). When dealing with savvy enemies who are aware of these weaknesses, it helps to have some earplugs handy, along with a pair of glasses designed to prevent my eyes from focusing on the written word.
*Note: The study of linguistics in college may have corrupted this power slightly, as there are times when my superpower will unleash a torrent of descriptive grammar (how people actually speak, which is what linguists generally study) rather than prescriptive grammar (how people are taught to speak). In other words, I am easily capable of dangling a preposition when called for, which may or may not be useful in facing down a supervillain.