quixotic1. The Psycho. A killer hunts and slaughters people -- usually attractive teens, although some killers have been known to branch out along other specialized lines. Usually difficult or impossible to kill, sometimes ironic in method of death, prone to sequels.
2. The Creature. This genre divides into 'big' and 'lots': either your creature is ginormous for some reason, or there's a swarm. Sometimes, the over-ambitious combine the two, and have a swarm of giant whatever-it-is trying to eat mankind. This is generally a winning approach.
3. The Supernatural. Ghosts, witches, warlocks, a killer Santa Claus taking back all the toys he's distributed over the generations, it all gets filed under the generic catch-all of 'supernatural'. Sometimes, your psycho or your creature is supernatural, too.
4. The Outsider. Aliens and extra-dimensional entities go here. Sometimes, your psycho or your creature is from outside, in addition to being, y'know, bad for your health. Mostly, though, aliens get their own designation.
Now, pick your setting. Your options are:
1. Rural. Small towns are great for zombie invasions, crash landings of carnivorous alien lifeforms, and anything involving a meteorite.
2. Urban. The big city is good if your zombies are viral, or if you want a serial killer. No cornfields, though, which kinda sucks.
3. Wilderness. If it makes you happy to have crazed killers chasing co-eds through the woods, this is the place for you.
4. Transit vehicle of some sort. Big boats, RVs, trains, spaceships, and orbiting space stations, those get filed here.
Every category contains a multitude of options, from 'houseboat' to 'swamp', but these are the basics. And, of course, you're going to need a hero:
1. Teenager. Cheerleader, jock, geek, hacker, whatever.
2. Authority figure. Local sheriff, local cop, President of the United States. However, don't cross into...
3. Military dude. This covers male and female members of all branches of the military.
4. That guy from 'Clerks'. There's a good chance your hero wasn't even supposed to be here today.
Select one each from the categories above, either because you like them, or by rolling a four-sided die. Random number generation is also your friend. Once you've done that, roll 1d6 to select your type of horrific menace from the appropriate list:
Menaces:
The Psycho.
1. serial killer
2. unkillable serial killer
3. dream demon
4. crazy guy
5. man with a hook for a hand
6. former psychiatrist who now kills for fun
The Creature.
1. giant squid
2. giant reptile of some sort
3. swarm of killer bees
4. shark
5. anything involving spiders
6. bunny rabbits the size of tanks
The Supernatural.
1. ghosts
2. creepy little ghost girls
3. evil warlocks
4. malicious fairies
5. djinn or djinni
6. possessed dolls
The Alien.
1. blob
2. thing with tentacles
3. giant killer robot from space
4. sentient fungus
5. nanobots
6. nasty black Escher-thing that eats people
Now you have a type of movie and a type of menace -- let's make a movie!
The Psycho Flick: The __________ of __________. (Pick one each from the 'menacing words' list and the appropriate 'places' list.)
When a __________ (menace) begins to haunt a __________ (type of place), a group of __________ (type of hero) unwittingly wanders into the killing ground. After most of the group dies, the survivors are trapped in __________ (select place from the appropriate list), and a __________ (select hero from the appropriate list) becomes the hero of the day, vanquishing the killer through __________ (unlikely plot twist). But will the killer rise again?
The Creature Flick: The __________. (Pick one from the 'creature terms' list.)
When a __________ (menace) attacks __________ (type of place), only a lone __________ (select hero from the appropriate list), one of the area's __________ (type of hero) sees what's happening. Eventually, s/he tracks the __________ (menace) to its lair __________ (select place from the appropriate list), and destroys it via __________ (unlikely method of death). But one always survives...
The Supernatural Flick: The __________ on __________. (Pick one from either the 'creature terms' or 'menacing words' list, and one from the appropriate 'places' list.)
When a __________ (menace) arises in a __________ (select place from the appropriate list) located in a __________ (type of place) area, the local residents are slow to comprehend the danger. Only the local __________ (type of hero) understand, and they die one by one, until only a single __________ (select hero from the appropriate list) remains. They destroy the danger through__________ (unlikely method of death), but they, in turn, have been tainted. Will the horror never end?
The Alien Flick: The __________. (Pick one from the 'creature terms' list. You can also just call your movie 'Alien', but that might get you sued.)
From beyond the stars, __________ has finally found a favorite food: man. Set entirely within the confines of __________ (select place from the appropriate list) in __________ (type of place), the hapless victims of this hunger-with-teeth don't know what to do, until a single __________ (select hero from the appropriate list) stands up and takes a stand against the danger from space, slaying it through __________ (unlikely plot twist) and __________ (unlikely method of death). Is mankind finally safe?
You see? Making a horror movie is easy!
The lists:
Menacing words:
1. slaughter
2. menace
3. terror
4. horror
5. invasion
6. claiming
7. danger
8. darkness
9. bloodbath
10. end
Creature terms:
1. thing
2. it
3. terror
4. swarm
5. beast
6. shadow
7. horror
8. hunger
9. frenzy
10. dark
Places:
Rural.
1. Farmhouse
2. Small town
3. Behind the barn
4. In the barn
5. The old well
6. The mine shaft
Urban.
1. The mall
2. The high school
3. The train yard
4. That scary old house
5. The parking garage
6. Bob's house
Wilderness.
1. The beach
2. The woods
3. The mountains
4. The cave
5. The scary woods where no one comes out alive (Michigan)
6. The campground
Transit vehicles.
1. The houseboat
2. The airline tanker
3. The cruise ship
4. The plane
5. The space station
6. The generation ship
Heroes:
Teenagers.
1. cheerleader
2. jock
3. geek
4. secret superhero
5. popular girl
6. gymnastics star
Authority figures.
1. local sheriff
2. local cop
3. teacher
4. boy scout troupe leader
5. minister
6. local dog catcher
Army guys.
1. private
2. sergeant
3. captain
4. retired member of a service branch
5. crazy war hero
6. former army nurse
Guys from 'Clerks'.
1. comic book collector
2. Quick-E-Mart employee
3. novelist
4. crazy cat lady
5. runaway punk
6. blue-collar construction worker
Unlikely plot twists:
1. the sun rises
2. the army arrives
3. killer catches a cold
4. fuzzy bunnies
5. well-timed freight train
6. natural disaster
7. global warming
8. afraid of cats
9. falls through floor
10. killer fungus
Unlikely methods of death:
1. eaten by cats
2. the common cold
3. falls into a wheat thresher
4. piranha
5. smashed by elevator
6. conveniently placed landmines
7. killed by good thoughts
8. electrocution
9. weed-killer
10. spontaneous combustion
November 6 2008, 18:30:22 UTC 8 years ago
November 6 2008, 18:53:57 UTC 8 years ago