awakeWell, first, the same rules of harassment apply to her because she's a goddamn human being, and all human beings, regardless of what they do or do not choose to wear, deserve to feel safe and be free from harassment. Second, the same rules of harassment apply to her because we're human beings, or alien anthropologists who know damn well where the standards for human behavior lie, and once we're old enough to buy convention memberships and book hotel rooms, we should know better. (We should know better before then, too, but that's a matter for our parents.)
I have several friends who do cosplay, both at general science fiction conventions and at larger genre conventions, such as San Diego Comic Con. This means that they are going out in public in outfits they have spent a lot of time and energy making, which may or may not be as concealing as standard street clothes. (One of my friends regularly cosplays Emma Frost. Another has won awards for a Na'vi costume which consists largely of incredibly well-applied body paint.) This also means that they are inviting a certain amount of looking at them: no one puts that much effort into looking amazing when they don't want to be looked at.
Note that "look" and "leer" are not the same word.
What is appropriate? Admiring a cosplayer's costume. Admiring how well they fit the character. Asking if you can take a picture (providing they're not in the middle of doing something else at the time, like say, trying to inhale a hot dog before their next panel, running to the bathroom, or otherwise being a biological creature in a material universe). Asking if you can take a picture with them. Asking about the workmanship that went into the costume's design.
What is not appropriate? "I really love it when a girl with decent tits dresses up as [character]." Trying to take pictures of disembodied lady pieces, like butts or boobs (also inappropriate: disembodied dude bits—they're just rarer). Quizzing them on whether or not they even know who they're dressed up as. (Spoiler alert: anyone who spent ninety hours making a picture-accurate Illyana Rasputin costume probably knows who she is, and if it's someone who, say, joined a group costume to make their friends happy, but prefers DC/spends too much time gaming to read comics/is really happier in the SCA, how is that hurting you any? There is no such thing as a fake geek.) Asking if they'll give you a spanking. Asking how much they charge by the hour. Asking if you can touch them.
There is something magical about meeting a really good cosplayer dressed as one of your favorite characters. They're avatars. Watch a small child meet someone dressed as Iron Man or Aang and see them stare in open-mouthed awe. Hell, watch me meet a really good Tinker Bell at a Disney park. Costuming is a form of magic. It makes the unreal concrete and tangible. It deserves respect.
But those Tinker Bells that I meet at Disneyland have handlers, people who will immediately step in if anyone crosses a line or makes the pixies uncomfortable. What's more, those Disney pixies are paid to be my fantasy, as long as that fantasy remains G-rated and friendly. Cosplayers? Not getting paid. They are people, and they have a right to the ball. They also have the right to say "please take your hand off me" or "please don't take pictures of my ass" without getting told "well, you shouldn't have dressed like that if you didn't want the attention." Wanting attention and wanting to be harassed are very different things.
And as a note: cosplayers are not harassing you by walking around being attractive, or semi-clothed, or interesting to look at. They are not "teases" or "gagging for it" when they put on something skimpy. They are not here to be anyone's private walking skin magazine. They are people.
(Yes, this means they can be inappropriate too. We had an issue at one of the comic conventions a few years ago with someone dressed as Deadpool inappropriately touching female attendees, and then running away. He couldn't be distinguished from the eight or so Deadpools not being giant sacks of asshole. Last year at Emerald City Comic-Con I observed two woman dressed as Jean Gray saying such nasty things about a woman dressed as Emma Frost that she was virtually in tears. None of these things were, or are, appropriate.)
Cosplay makes our conventions more visually arresting. It's a powerful form of expression. It's a hobby and a passion like any other. But costume does not equal consent.
Again, if this is something you can't trust yourself to grasp, maybe you need to stay home.
July 8 2013, 19:38:30 UTC 3 years ago
I hang around a bunch of people who sew, and so this is a common thing to try to figure out fabric properties, but I'm not sure if it would go over well.
Of course I'd ask politely, and explain why, and gracefully accept a no, but I don't want to do something that's going to make someone uncomfortable in the first place if I can avoid it.
July 8 2013, 21:07:17 UTC 3 years ago
Keep in mind also, if someone's out in a costume they may be on edge from harassment by others, and may be wary of anyone coming up to them. Don't be insulted if they're feeling skittish, keep things verbal and let them go away on their schedule. Also, try not to stand between them and the bathroom or the door, because being in a skin-tight leotard or heavy armor all day means they may want to go somewhere right now, and take it off. They may also be in a situation where heavy contact with people might break some element of the costume, so don't take it personally if they won't let you touch their mandibles or their antennae. There could be a really good reason.
One major caveat: don't ask if you can touch something that's covering a sensitive part of the body, even if it's a non-sexual part of the body, like say, the underarm, where the cosplayer might be ticklish. If you want to touch something like a breastplate, you can ask if some other part of the costume, like a wristband, is made of the same stuff, so that you aren't acting in an offensive manner. In most cases the cosplayer can't take that part off and hand it to you so you can touch it, but they may say tell you where you can find that material, or let you touch a part of it that's not covering 'No really, don't touch this!' bits of their body.
So long as you respect 'no' or 'I don't think so.' or anything else hesitant from the cosplayer, they are usually happy to share seam details, welding, or secrets of how they built their wings. As with everything else in these interactions, go slowly, and watch body language, listen for verbal consent. You could make someone's day with your compliments and your attention, particularly if you're being sane.
July 9 2013, 02:26:37 UTC 3 years ago
July 9 2013, 13:06:15 UTC 3 years ago
I wouldn't say, never ask, but maybe not too soon.
July 9 2013, 14:05:12 UTC 3 years ago