Sometimes sexuality doesn't have to matter, it just has to exist.: seanan

Sometimes sexuality doesn't have to matter, it just has to exist.

A few months ago, I got an email from a reader who had a question she wanted me to answer. I like questions. If they're not spoilery for things that haven't been published yet, I'm generally willing to give them a go. This question, however, stumped me for a little while:

"what is the purpose of Dr. Kellis being gay? It neither adds or subtracts to the story line but is distracting."

Dr. Kellis was gay because Dr. Kellis was gay. I "met" the character in the same scene that everyone else did, when his husband showed up to try and convince him to leave the lab for a little while. He was a man, he had a husband, he was at minimum bisexual, and for the purposes of the story, he was gay. He was a gay scientist. Since he wasn't working on gay science (I'm not even sure what that phrase means), it mattered purely in the sense that when he talked about going home, it was to a husband, and not a wife. I honestly never thought about changing it. While everyone in the world is at least somewhat defined by their sexuality—it shapes us throughout our lives, both in the exercising of it and in the existence of it—I've never felt like it was the be-all and end-all of human experience.

What weirded me out a little, and still does, is that no one has ever asked me "What is the purpose of Character X being straight?" No one has ever called it "distracting" when Velma has naughty thoughts about Tad, or when Toby blushes because Tybalt is commenting on her clothing. Men and women, women and men, it's totally normal and invisible, like using "said" in dialog instead of some other, more descriptive word. It's invisible. But gay people are distracting. (Bisexual people are apparently even more distracting. I've had several people write to tell me that a piece of text in Blackout can be read to imply that Buffy and Maggie had sex, and some of them have been less than thrilled when I replied that there was no implication intended: Buffy and Maggie had sex. Repeatedly. Lots of sex. Lovely sex. They enjoyed it a lot, but Maggie took it more seriously than Buffy did, and Buffy wanted to keep things casual, so they broke up. But before they broke up? They had so much sex.)

For the most part, I let my characters tell me what their sexuality is, once it starts to have an impact on their characterization. I don't write Bob as a gay man and Tom as a straight man and Suzie as a lesbian: I write Bob as a zookeeper and Tom as a ballet teacher and Suzie as a ninja, right up until the moment where they have to interact with someone they'd be attracted to. Sometimes, that's when they tell me what they're into. Since this is all in first draft, I can go back later and clean things up, clarify things to add any additional detail that needs to be there, but I almost never tell them "Oh, no, you can't be gay, it would be distracting. It's not allowed."

(The one exception is with characters who are here to go—the ones created to be slaughtered in fifteen pages or less. They're not all straight, but I have to stop and think long and hard about how I would have felt, as a bisexual teenager, if I had finally, finally encountered an awesome bisexual woman in fiction, only to see her die before she got to be amazing. Sometimes this does result in my reexamining their relationships, as it's also difficult to really form strong character portraits in fifteen pages or less. Anyone who's sticking around for more than fifteen pages is fair game.)

Gay people don't walk around saying "I'd like to have an urban fantasy adventure, I'm gay, I like men/women, let's go fight a dragon" any more than straight people walk around saying "I'd like to go to space, I'm straight, I like men/women, let's go steal a rocket." People is the word that matters here. And yes, being anything other than heterosexual and cis in this world means that you're going to experience different things, and have some different perspectives, but it doesn't inform one hundred percent of what you do. I eat pizza the same way my straight friends eat pizza. I watch TV the same way my straight friends watch TV. I chase lizards...well, I chase lizards in a uniquely singleminded and slightly disturbing fashion, but as I'm not a lizardsexual, it has nothing to do with who I do or do not choose to form romantic relationships with.

Dr. Kellis is gay because Dr. Kellis is gay.

He doesn't need any reason beyond that.

lunalelle

June 21 2013, 22:10:00 UTC 4 years ago

New comment

I think it's the same psychological mechanism wherein a group of 50% men and 50% women is viewed as woman being in a substantial majority.

A writer makes an effort to have a good, proportional variety of people, but it's perceived as being so in your face and distracting just because it 1) exists and 2) we're not used to perceiving that existence in our reality, and even less in our pop culture.

All the more reason to continue doing it until people don't notice it anymore.

seanan_mcguire

June 24 2013, 16:15:11 UTC 4 years ago

Sad but true.

sylviamcivers

4 years ago

mlerules

June 21 2013, 22:12:58 UTC 4 years ago

You rock.

June 24 2013, 16:15:19 UTC 4 years ago

Thank you!

lietya

June 21 2013, 22:13:28 UTC 4 years ago

Thank you. Sincerely.

There is a new trend that I LOVE, of having even the straight characters allude to the possibility that they might not have been, even in YA - the "Oh, I don't like girls, but thanks for asking" sort of nod - and even that is affirming and gives me hope for humanity. (Because statistically, if there's only 3-4 characters being referenced beyond passing glimpses, most of 'em are probably straight. And that's just fine, with the inclusion of that explicit, textual reference to the fact that everyone involved is *aware* that being queer is another perfectly ordinary possibility.) Thus far I haven't seen this or routine inclusion without the after-school special attitude, very often about trans* issues, but maybe one day.

June 24 2013, 16:15:52 UTC 4 years ago

Agreed. When it's not a "thing" anymore, the world will be a better place.

bzarcher

June 21 2013, 22:18:06 UTC 4 years ago

Please continue to preach awesomeness.

June 24 2013, 16:16:00 UTC 4 years ago

I shall!

silvery_lass

June 21 2013, 22:28:00 UTC 4 years ago

I can often do a double take if a character is gay or bisexual but that is more like 'did I read that right?' and going yay! when I realise that I have read it right. Though I have had the 'and the point being?' thought because the character in itself isn't believable.

June 24 2013, 16:16:12 UTC 4 years ago

That makes sense.

kassrachel

June 21 2013, 22:29:58 UTC 4 years ago

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

repeat x a billion

:-)

June 24 2013, 16:16:20 UTC 4 years ago

funjon

June 21 2013, 22:50:08 UTC 4 years ago

Distracting?

Is it bad that I find it -comforting- to find characters of many backgrounds and preferences represented in your novels, and actually find it distracting in -other- literature when every single character is the stereotypical straight white person? Like, I'm pretty sure there's more diversity than that in the universe.

ardentdelirium

June 21 2013, 23:24:01 UTC 4 years ago

I specifically noted it, so in that way I suppose it could be considered distracting, but I, like most here, was like "ALLRIGHT! GAY CHARACTERS NOT DEFINED ENTIRELY BY GAYNESS!"

kimatha

June 21 2013, 23:11:00 UTC 4 years ago

Very well said. I found Dr. Kellis's marriage to be lovely and touching.

June 24 2013, 16:16:47 UTC 4 years ago

Thank you.

tekalynn

June 21 2013, 23:18:29 UTC 4 years ago Edited: June 21 2013, 23:19:17 UTC

I don't think I can come up with a more coherent comment at the moment besides "♥".

♥!!!

June 24 2013, 16:18:07 UTC 4 years ago

pointedulac

June 21 2013, 23:20:47 UTC 4 years ago Edited: June 21 2013, 23:21:02 UTC

Thank you for this, and for peopling your worlds with characters of different sexualities.

I loved that Dr. Kellis is gay *and* married, because it meant Gay Marriage was legal in your fictitious future, which was awesome (besides rampant killer zombies). :) And if someone finds the fact that a character is gay distracting in fiction, it only speaks to how much LGBT characters are needed. If they're so under represented that it jars people out of their reading, then it's not happening enough.

June 24 2013, 16:18:19 UTC 4 years ago

Agreed.

June 21 2013, 23:22:34 UTC 4 years ago

I actually totally missed that implication (I assumed strong friendship only) until MarkReads got there, and everyone was like "yeah, they totally had sex." The irony is that I am a bisexual woman and should have been ALL OVER IT. I joked that we have pinpointed the main reason I almost exclusively date dudes despite being attracted to women as well--I never know if they're open to ladies, even when they are being (apparently!) fairly obvious about it, so I don't try to hit on them. (or recognize their bisexual tendencies, since Buffy and Maggie are fictional.)

rhoda_rants

June 21 2013, 23:49:14 UTC 4 years ago

I joked that we have pinpointed the main reason I almost exclusively date dudes despite being attracted to women as well--I never know if they're open to ladies, even when they are being (apparently!) fairly obvious about it, so I don't try to hit on them.
I'm the same way, actually. I have no flirt radar. At all. People have to literally point it out to me when I'm being hit on.

geekhyena

elialshadowpine

Deleted comment

June 24 2013, 16:18:53 UTC 4 years ago

I do not require your firstborn!

I am bad with babies.

June 21 2013, 23:47:47 UTC 4 years ago

Dr. Kellis is gay because Dr. Kellis is gay.

He doesn't need any reason beyond that.

Yeah this. Well, this whole post really, but mostly this.

Actually, I find the reverse distracting--if I pick up a book without ANY characters who aren't straight white men, I'm more than a little taken aback. That "normal" doesn't exist anymore. Actually, it never has, but now, people are starting to notice. If you write that kind of story, it's more obvious that it's deliberate erasure.

FWIW, however, I had no idea about Maggie/Buffy. I need to go reread. (Rhoda is demisexual and doesn't always pick up on these things.) (Oh, but I am writing a YA lesbian retelling of Sleeping Beauty.)

June 24 2013, 16:19:57 UTC 4 years ago

Rereading is always good!

June 24 2013, 16:20:06 UTC 4 years ago

<3

Thank you.

vincentursus

June 22 2013, 00:05:57 UTC 4 years ago

When someone's sexual orientation distracts you from the zombie apocalypse it might be time to re-evaluate your priorities.

In the words of

filkertom "One of us is really weird!"

also_huey

June 22 2013, 00:12:33 UTC 4 years ago

Anyone who's sticking around for more than fifteen pages is fair game.

THIS IS THE BEST ONE-SENTENCE SUMMARY OF 'GAME OF THRONES' IN THE HISTORY OF EVAR.

June 24 2013, 16:20:26 UTC 4 years ago

...agreed.

bookblather

June 22 2013, 00:49:43 UTC 4 years ago

This, this, so much this, this is one of the (many, many, many) reasons I love your writing, because some of your characters are just gay, or just trans, or just bi, because some people just are. It doesn't come up when it's not relevant, but straight isn't automatic in your worlds. Nor is being gay (or straight, or trans or bi) always such a big deal. They just are. They just exist.

I love that so much. Thank you.

June 24 2013, 16:21:02 UTC 4 years ago

You are very welcome.

melchar

June 22 2013, 01:20:38 UTC 4 years ago

... and THAT is one of the reasons I love you. You write them as 'people' and not just as 'characters'. You let them live because of that.

June 24 2013, 16:21:12 UTC 4 years ago

:)

I try.

June 24 2013, 16:21:24 UTC 4 years ago

Yes, exactly.

erinwrites

June 22 2013, 01:29:04 UTC 4 years ago

You know I want to stand and slow-clap for everything you write, right? <3

June 24 2013, 16:21:36 UTC 4 years ago

Aw.

Best Erin is best.

dragonsally

June 22 2013, 01:32:24 UTC 4 years ago

I guess I should be surprised that someone had to say this to you, but sadly I'm not.

June 24 2013, 16:21:46 UTC 4 years ago

Sigh.

seabhac_mhor

June 22 2013, 01:43:19 UTC 4 years ago

*stands*

*applauds*

When I read that particular piece the very first time, I think I had a bit of a happydance moment - and THAT was far more because of the love between the two characters than their sexual orientation.

Love is love.

June 24 2013, 16:21:57 UTC 4 years ago

Love should always be love.

naamah_darling

June 22 2013, 02:07:37 UTC 4 years ago

I love you.

Thank you.

It matters.

It matters.

June 24 2013, 16:22:05 UTC 4 years ago

It does.

deire

June 22 2013, 02:10:43 UTC 4 years ago Edited: June 22 2013, 02:15:50 UTC

I loved that Dr. Kellis had a husband, and it wasn't A THING, he just loved his male spouse. I loved that his relationship wasn't About Something or necessary to the plot. His marriage was a casual detail in that society, the way I'd like it to be a casual detail here.

Also, how does one read Blackout and not understand that oh yes, Buffy and Magda had hot sex, including at luxury hotels? Aside from, of course, by deep, deep denial.