Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire

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It takes a village. Or a book release party.

This past weekend was the latest iteration of the Traveling Circus and Snake-Handling Show (about which there will be more later; I'm pulling together our set lists). And, as has become the norm for us, we had several children under the age of five in attendance, at least for the first part of the evening. I'm pretty sure only Josh, who I keep referring to as "the micro-human," made it to the end of the evening. The Circus itself comes with three children under ten. All children were fabulously well-behaved, with attentive parents who kept them occupied and distracted them whenever they started getting bored.

Early on, one of the children, who is just hitting the age of "oh, wow, music is AWESOME!!!" did some delighted laughing at the sound check. A few dirty looks were directed. I promptly claimed the microphone, pointed out the kid in question, and made sure the room was aware of just how happy I was to have him there, and how happy I was that his parents felt we were a safe space.

I did not see any further dirty looks.

So here, just to be clear, is my official position on children at book release parties: as long as you're happy to miss part of the reading or the set list because your kid is crying and you need to go walk around outside, I am happy to have you. Not just happy: ecstatic. On the rare occasions where I have events that are not child-friendly, it will be clearly stated from the get-go. You know, "Hey, it's me and Chuck Wendig, we both swear a lot and egg each other on, so unless you want your kids to get sent home from school eighteen times, please leave them home." Why?

Because when I was a kid, people took me out to see and do things. I fell asleep behind the harp case at Golden Bough concerts, I fell asleep on the lawn at Beach Boys concerts...I was a very sleepy child. And before I fell asleep, I ran around, I laughed, I shrieked, I was fussy, I did kid stuff. I was allowed.

This is not me saying "you, person without children, you are less important than that baby who has been screaming next to you for ten minutes." I expect that parents who bring their kids to my events will be responsible, and guess what? So far, I've been right. If that changes in the future, I'll be taking the microphone to say "hey, if you need a quiet space to walk your baby back to sleep, here's a place you can do it." I'd say the same thing if an adult had been screaming for ten minutes. Although maybe a little less nicely.

What this is is me saying "everybody gets to come to the party." As long as we're all playing nice and being responsible, we are all welcome. No dirty looks for anybody. And our reward? Is watching my mother dancing with toddlers, which is pretty damn awesome.

I love my fanbase. Y'all are so cool.
Tags: appearances, contemplation
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Because when I was a kid, people took me out to see and do things. I fell asleep behind the harp case at Golden Bough concerts, I fell asleep on the lawn at Beach Boys concerts...I was a very sleepy child. And before I fell asleep, I ran around, I laughed, I shrieked, I was fussy, I did kid stuff. I was allowed.

Yes, this. It feels to me like our society has gotten more segregated into kids-only and adults-only spaces since I was a kid, which drives me nuts, because my best friends as a kid were adults. Yeah, I was that kid. So thank you, from me and my six-week-old, who I will do my best to bring to your next local book release party. :)
That last bit? I hear it (or similar) a lot from the likes of Sir Pterry, Neil G, Dave Grohl, etc. I don't generally hear it from creative types who shall remain unnamed here but are known for being total douchebags.

Funny how that works, yeah?
So strange!
You, and your policy, rock like rocking things. *applause*
Aw, yay.
Yeah. We Love You, Too.
Love it.

I don't have/want kids, I don't know what to do with them, and they make me really nervous because GAH CHILDREN WHAT DO I DO?!, but I grew up being exposed to stuff like music and art and dance, and I think I came out much better for it, because it felt accessible to me from an early age. It wasn't a grown-up thing, it was something that I was allowed to see and participate in.

So when I see a kid someplace like that, or heck, just see ANY kid being well-behaved in an adult space, I make sure to smile and wave and be pleasant. And when I performed at public events, dancing, sometimes little kids would run right up to the edge of the stage and dance around and squeal and clap and make a little bit of a ruckus, but they were so damn happy to be there. It never happened at closed events, actual pay-money-for-it SHOWS, but it happened at public stuff all the time. If there were kids there, they would be RIGHT UP NEXT TO THE STAGE within like thirty seconds. Man, you see a four-year old gettin' down because they are SO EXCITED by your jingly sparkly awesomeness and you can't help but feel totally amazing. And their parents inevitably apologized, and I was inevitably like "WAT? No, seriously, it's cool! Let 'em come up and look at my costume. Yes, Lisa, you can be a dancer, yes, Billy, you can be a dancer, too." Just keep 'em off the stage, 'cause nobody wants to get run over by a big ol' mess of bellydancers, and sometimes those choreographies stop for no one.

I have serious anxiety issues when kids are making noise and crying, and I won't pretend it isn't a problem, it is, and I've seen some egregious examples of parents ignoring a child who was really causing a disruption, but nineteen times out of twenty the kids are being wonderful. I get more disruption from thoughtless adults. Especially people using THEIR CELL-PHONE VOICE. Sheesh.

The only place I've had consistent problems is movie theaters, and that's not just a little kid/baby thing, that's a "People turn into animals when the lights go off, apparently!" thing.

As far as adults-only spaces, I see the utility of that, but I also see the futility of it if you also don't kick out the adults who are being a pain in the ass.
I don't have/want kids, I don't know what to do with them, and they make me really nervous because GAH CHILDREN WHAT DO I DO?!, but I grew up being exposed to stuff like music and art and dance, and I think I came out much better for it, because it felt accessible to me from an early age. It wasn't a grown-up thing, it was something that I was allowed to see and participate in.

Ahem: word.
This attitude is not only very cool, but tragically rare. Thanks for speaking up for newer people.
Newer people are pretty cool.
I didn't realize there were any dirty looks. Admittedly I winced but that's because the one loud noise was kind of pretty close to my ear *laugh*

I actually spent the entire first portion of the set having my chair kicked by another small child. I laughed when they apologized later because other than a bit of "There is a small human kicking my chair" I didn't mind too much.
Not many, and they stopped quickly, but there were enough that I wanted to say something.
Toddlers dancing is often delightful.
Agreed.

Deleted comment

We missed you!
Oh! Saw a Wicked Girls t-shirt in the University District Farmers Market here in Seattle on Saturday, but the people tides washed me away from the woman wearing it before I could get in earshot to say, "I have one, too!"

Gave me a happy feeling....
Oh, hey, I bet that was me! (assuming that the t-shirt was crimson). Hi!

Also: awesome policy, Seanan.

seanan_mcguire

4 years ago

Your mum dancing with toddlers. I love that. Great image and sentiment.
She does love her some toddlers.
This is about where I land on the small kids scale too. It's great that they can come and participate and have fun with music and learn how to behave in a public space, as long as their caregiver is prepared to take them out again if and when they hit the point they can't, anymore. Music is cool, and to be able to learn that from childhood is--something really special.
Exactly.
When I was a kid, my dad worked in a radio station. He worked a night shift, when he was often the only one in the building. We'd go visit him, and once there we'd make paper airplanes, slide down the stairs, run around the halls, and make faces at him to try to make him mess up on the air (he never did). When I had pneumonia the first time, I spent an evening asleep on an office floor, because my mother couldn't come pick me up.

It's memorable because it was all things we weren't supposed to do in grownup spaces. Mom and Dad expected us to behave ourselves in public, even if we were monsters at home. Throwing a tantrum in the grocery store over wanting candy was grounds to put ALL the groceries back. Fighting with my sisters where strangers could see got us dragged away and thoroughly scolded. Even quiet crying got us ushered to a bathroom or the car, where we were calmed and cleaned up.

We spent time around grownups, because that was how you learned to act like a grownup. Sequestering children to their own kid-friendly corner of the world may be quieter for us grownups, but it hurts us, in the long run. Raise a kid to not understand the difference between public and private, and you get a generation full of people who don't see any reason why they shouldn't talk through the entire movie in the theater.
That is so cool.

And totally agreed.
Just when I thought I couldn't love you any more...

BTW, my kids are Cassandra (7) and Quentin (2), named well before I started reading Toby. Seeing them work together in An Artificial Night was quite a treat. :)
Awesome!
I sent you a private thank you, but since you posted this, I'll say the same publicly. Also, in case anyone was wondering, we didn't move to the back after the first set because we felt unwelcome. We just saw that tables had freed up and realized that juggling coffee and a toddler would be much easier with somewhere to set the drinks. In general, we have found that fandom is proving to be an excellent place to raise a child, and we greatly appreciate it. Also, I find the comment about falling asleep behind the harp case at Golden Bough concerts particuarly amusing since our Guildmistress' daughter has done something similar. She's good friends with their fiddler's daughter, and our Guildmistress is probably the single biggest role model Sarah and I have for parenting.

Also, to everyone, until I was writing the thank you I sent Seanan earlier, the thought hadn't made it into words, but if we bring our son somewhere and let him hang out with a group of people, it's because we think you'll be a good influence on him, which is about the highest complement I can give right now. Just a different perspective to think about when you see a small one around.

We do our best to be attentive, since we certainly don't want to be the sort of parents everyone sees occasional examples of, and so far seem to mostly succeed. As far as I'm concerned, that's an important part of parenting.

And finally, Seanan, your mom rocks. We'll send you a link to the photos of her and Josh after we look through them and post the good ones. Also, I have visions of referring to the "micro-human" when he's taller than us. Hehehe.
I hadn't thought this out, but it is very true.

We've found an absolutely amazing village and I'm thrilled that it includes amazing artists in all kinds of bents, and amazing super people.

seanan_mcguire

4 years ago

groblek

4 years ago

My husband and I attended Anticipation with our daughter who wasn't even one yet. One of our fondest memories was attending your concert. Our daughter loves your music and she had so much fun attending the concert.

We've always felt welcomed bringing our daughter to cons and other geeky spaces. It is one of the things I love about the community. We're a community that wants to share our passions for SF and Fantasy with others and kids count too.
That's how we get the next generation!
Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!
Glee.
As the parent of a 21 month-old, thanks! I seem to have gotten close to perfecting the "tuck screaming child under one arm and run out of the library" move, but I've only ever needed to use it twice.
Hee.

I hope to witness this move.

umadoshi

September 11 2012, 01:09:34 UTC 4 years ago Edited:  September 11 2012, 01:10:37 UTC

I don't have (and never intend to have) kids, but I wish more people thought this way.

[EDIT to avoid possible misreading.]
Kids should be allowed to exist.

umadoshi

4 years ago

seanan_mcguire

4 years ago

umadoshi

4 years ago

Thank you. Lots.
Always welcome.
Your policy is best policy.

*hugs*
All part of my slow bid to conquer the world.
So I wish I hadn't been busy all day Saturday, or something, because I totally would've ordered a signed book. But then by the time I saw it, you had likely already left and gone to dreamworld. Alas.

But! When I went out yesterday to find a copy, and Barnes and Noble was totally sold out (I nicely poked the lady that helped me to think about a restock, because all she had was one copy of ALH and one copy of Discount), my frantic google search on my phone led me to an actual live independent genre bookstore like 10 minutes from my house. I never knew. And now I know. And I also have a copy of new Toby. Double winning all the way. And they had like two of *everything* on the shelf, only now they only have one of Ashes, because I took it.

http://www.mystgalaxy.com/ for winning.
This was awesome to read. My daughter loves Wicked Girls (I got her her own poster), and I'd love to bring her to a performance and let her dance. I would also be sure to remove her if she misbehaved.
Then she is absolutely welcome.
Thank you for making this explicitly clear. When I was growing up, there wasn't really "kid" music like there is today. My parents exposed me to everything from Stravinsky to Dave Brubeck and I know I'm the better for it. I've danced with toddlers at concerts - it was awesome but boy do they have a lot more energy than I do at 10pm!
Seriously. They NEVER STOP.
This is an awesome (and sensible) policy.

The thing is, people who are self-proclaimed "child haters" (not me, but I do know people with this angle; everyone has their peeves, I guess) and those who love/have children -can- get along, as long as they're not jerks.

IMEX, people who "hate children" really focus on two things: Parents who want to talk about their kids and think everyone else does too, and kids who aren't being properly taken care of.

So as long as the "child haters" don't bring their fear/dislike of bad behaviour into situations where it isn't happening, and bad behaviour doesn't happen (or is swiftly corrected) everyone (theoretically, anyway) can be happy. This includes (but is not limited to) people who are all "babybabybaby" being sensitive to people who aren't that interested in talking about babies right now, thank you, and people who associate other people's children with discomfort not inflicting -their- complaints on people who don't want to hear it either.

BTW, done with Newsflesh. Reading Discount Armageddon and loving it ATM.
We can all get along if we try.

mneme

4 years ago

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