thoughtfulI think everyone online has an aspect of "persona" to them, if only because ideally, on the internet, you have the opportunity to think before you press "submit." Not everyone does, but the option is still there, for all of us. We filter out certain aspects of ourselves: the faces we present to the world are not exactly one-to-one identical to the faces we present in private. I'm a little wittier on the internet, because I never have to deal with l'esprit d'escalier. On the internet, it doesn't matter that I can't pronounce l'esprit d'escalier (my French pronunciation is so bad it's comical).
I swear a little less on the internet, because I have to think about the process of typing out the word. "Shut your fucking face, you fucking fucker" rolls trippingly off the tongue, but it doesn't fall quite so easy from the fingers. I don't usually document how many times I need to pee. And yeah, since I come from the "do not air your dirty laundry in public" school of thought, I can come off as a bit of a perpetual Marilyn Munster when I really tend to flux between being a Marilyn and being a Wednesday. I let my cynicism off the leash sometimes, but I've found that it's more effective when I don't live and breathe in a haze of grumpy.
Also, I really am inappropriately enthusiastic about everything. Soda. Movies. Commercials that I really like. Street pennies. Peeing. I love peeing! I mean, I don't pee on trees or anything, but I really like it when I go into the bathroom feeling uncomfortable, and come out feeling a-okay. Plus it's an excuse to sit and read, and who doesn't love that? People who are around me in the real world are likely to get treated to a constant stream of alternatingly perky and snarlingly homicidal sound bytes. "Gosh, trees are nice, I like trees I WILL DESTROY ALL WHO THWART ME do you think maybe we should go back to Disneyland in October SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET IS WRONG RARRRRRHGHGHGHGH oh hey juice." Most of these things never make it online, because they're fleeting impulses, or because I don't feel like providing an ocean of context to make them make sense.
I guess that's really where internet persona comes in, at least for me: I make more sense online. I have less visible downtime, I'm a little less random, and I'm a little more measured with my swearing. I'm just as perky, and just as cranky, it's just not a twenty-four/seven thing. It's really important to me that I not be artificial online, because I spend so much time interacting with people offline, and I don't want to be reading from a script every time I do a public appearance. (Although that would be hysterical. I should write a "being Seanan at a book signing script," and start tapping people to stand in for me while I go to get myself another soda.) Filtered doesn't mean shallow, and thoughtful doesn't mean fake.
On the balance of things, I think you can tell whether or not you'd like me in person from listening to me online, as long as you remember that there's a whole third dimension offline, and that I can sometimes use that third dimension to run into traffic after red balloons, or produce seemingly random frogs. And I find that pretty cool.
Thoughts?
(*Who will not be named here, you know the drill, and everyone has the right to an opinion.)
June 21 2012, 10:18:51 UTC 5 years ago
You, though, have done, and do, as much as I think you possibly can to earn your audience's trust, if that audience cares to look for evidence. Online and in person, you have visibly been who you are -- in more than one way, maybe, but still you -- for many years. There are many people, trustworthy themselves, who can verify that, yes, she really is like that. Not *only* or *always* that, but definitely that. You take personal risks in your writing. You explain yourself, even when no one expects you to. You don't mind a spotlight, but when you get it, you share it, and even loan it out.
Most of all, you let your audience talk to you. And you listen. Not just listen, but, well past the point at which it's even remotely reasonable, you regularly respond, in a way that displays respect for both your own thoughts and those of the people you're talking to. I can only imagine the price you pay in time and energy to do it, but I think it's one of the most important things you do. It helps fill in the spaces between art and artist and audience, between people who are different, but share the same world. The day your audience finally grows too large for you to do as much of that work will be bittersweet, if still glorious.
Anyway, I wouldn't worry about someone finding you "grating", even if their opinion isn't about suspicion or cynicism. You are kind and you are genuine, and the irregularities some people might find off-putting make it easier for the rest of us to grab on.
June 22 2012, 16:51:02 UTC 5 years ago