Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: thoughtful
  • Music: The Decemberists, "One Engine."

Dream a little dream of me.

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep—I'm a slow-sleep insomniac, which means that it can sometimes take me upwards of an hour to power all the way down—I found myself wondering, in that half-place that only exists when you're caught between consciousness and Neverland, whether I'm so reluctant to sleep right now because I'm half-convinced that I'm in the middle of the longest, most detailed linear dream I've ever experienced. And that one day, I'm going to open my eyes and it will be December of 2008 all over again, when I was lonely and scared and had no idea what I was going to do about my future.

Anxiety and mild "my series is over, what do I do now" depression aside, I sometimes look at my life and I'm just staggered by the unlikeliness of it all. I had a book come out on Tuesday. Tomorrow, I'm leaving for Disneyland with my mother, my sister, and my best friend. I have cats that can be charitably called large, and uncharitably called props from a horror movie. I have a movie option. I'm reprinting my fourth album, because it's almost sold out. I have some of the most amazing, interesting, articulate friends and fans and readers in the world. I have an agent who, frankly, could not be more perfect for me if I had been allowed to design my own agent in a lab.

Even the little details are too good to be true. There's an immensely popular line of fashion dolls modeled on famous monsters; Fringe got renewed; Doctor Who is back on the air; the X-Men are awesome again; James Gunn has a video game about a chainsaw-wielding blonde cheerleader who fights zombies with high kicks and snark. Basically, it's like the universe has been rearranging itself to suit my deepest desires, and if not everything is perfect, that's because too much perfection is unbelievable. The world is trying to add veracity to my dream.

This is why I don't like to sleep very much.

I'm too afraid of waking up.
Tags: contemplation, dream a little dream, good things, gratitude
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  • 94 comments

kyrielle

June 3 2012, 02:55:08 UTC 5 years ago

You're awake. I remember you posting about those linear dreams, and never once had I dreamed them with you, only enjoyed them after. I'm *in* this one, have *read* these books, squee'ed shrilly enough to disturb bats if any were about the movie rights (AND the NYT bestseller again OMG)....

It's real. It had better be real. I have two small boys who don't get to read your work yet, who are precious beyond words. And in 2008 I didn't have either yet, couldn't even have imagined what they'd be like, so....

It's real. And it's joyous. And, by the way, if the world is providing you your dream while knitting other things around it - I heartily approve. :)

seanan_mcguire

June 3 2012, 19:10:42 UTC 5 years ago

<3 <3 <3