Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: thoughtful
  • Music: The Decemberists, "One Engine."

Dream a little dream of me.

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep—I'm a slow-sleep insomniac, which means that it can sometimes take me upwards of an hour to power all the way down—I found myself wondering, in that half-place that only exists when you're caught between consciousness and Neverland, whether I'm so reluctant to sleep right now because I'm half-convinced that I'm in the middle of the longest, most detailed linear dream I've ever experienced. And that one day, I'm going to open my eyes and it will be December of 2008 all over again, when I was lonely and scared and had no idea what I was going to do about my future.

Anxiety and mild "my series is over, what do I do now" depression aside, I sometimes look at my life and I'm just staggered by the unlikeliness of it all. I had a book come out on Tuesday. Tomorrow, I'm leaving for Disneyland with my mother, my sister, and my best friend. I have cats that can be charitably called large, and uncharitably called props from a horror movie. I have a movie option. I'm reprinting my fourth album, because it's almost sold out. I have some of the most amazing, interesting, articulate friends and fans and readers in the world. I have an agent who, frankly, could not be more perfect for me if I had been allowed to design my own agent in a lab.

Even the little details are too good to be true. There's an immensely popular line of fashion dolls modeled on famous monsters; Fringe got renewed; Doctor Who is back on the air; the X-Men are awesome again; James Gunn has a video game about a chainsaw-wielding blonde cheerleader who fights zombies with high kicks and snark. Basically, it's like the universe has been rearranging itself to suit my deepest desires, and if not everything is perfect, that's because too much perfection is unbelievable. The world is trying to add veracity to my dream.

This is why I don't like to sleep very much.

I'm too afraid of waking up.
Tags: contemplation, dream a little dream, good things, gratitude
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wfw_sj

May 24 2012, 14:54:13 UTC 5 years ago

I keep telling people, it's Seanan's world; we just live in it.

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:17:38 UTC 5 years ago

Aww.

anne_d

May 24 2012, 15:11:57 UTC 5 years ago

Well, if we're all part of your dream, carry on, because your dream is a pretty cool place to be. I'm happy that things are falling into place for you, because you deserve all manner of good things.

Disneyland? I live just up the road from D-land, and I will wave in your general direction. Have fun!

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:17:52 UTC 5 years ago

We're gonna pin trade with EVERYONE!

sweetmusic_27

May 24 2012, 15:21:20 UTC 5 years ago

Well, if I'm a dream, then dream-me is gonna keep practicing. And if you wake up, 'real' me will be waiting for you in 2008.

ladymondegreen

May 24 2012, 15:43:55 UTC 5 years ago

What she said.

We'll all be waiting for you in 2008 if it turns out we have to do it all again.

batyatoon

5 years ago

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vixyish

5 years ago

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sweetmusic_27

5 years ago

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vixyish

5 years ago

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sweetmusic_27

5 years ago

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vixyish

5 years ago

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sweetmusic_27

5 years ago

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vixyish

5 years ago

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sweetmusic_27

5 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

5 years ago

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queenoftheskies

May 24 2012, 15:41:45 UTC 5 years ago

Have fun at Disneyland! (My daughter works there....and she adores your books.)

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:18:30 UTC 5 years ago

Oh, cool! Where does she work?

queenoftheskies

5 years ago

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catsittingstill

May 24 2012, 15:44:53 UTC 5 years ago

It's okay, Seannan. Go to sleep. It's all real, and will be waiting for you in the morning.

*hug*

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:18:37 UTC 5 years ago

<3

saruby

May 24 2012, 15:46:50 UTC 5 years ago

If it's a dream, I'm dreaming it too. No worries. This turn of the wheel is yours to enjoy.

Disneyland. Cool beans!

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:18:47 UTC 5 years ago

I am so excited!

dornbeast

May 24 2012, 16:35:07 UTC 5 years ago

I thought your linear dreams generally ended with somebody telling you that you were dreaming.

(Also, you're awake right now.)

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:18:55 UTC 5 years ago

(Thank you.)

crewgrrl

May 24 2012, 17:12:50 UTC 5 years ago

I get that feeling all the time. That I'm going to wake up in my mom's house, all of my independence and marriage and life washed away.

It's 2012, and we're only going forward.

See you at the Hugos.

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:19:04 UTC 5 years ago

See you at the Hugos!

lilrongal

May 24 2012, 18:50:38 UTC 5 years ago

Just keep being full of gratitude, and even more good stuff will come your way. You're an awesome person and you deserve every one of these blessings being rained upon you.

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:19:13 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you, sweetie.

nekosensei

May 24 2012, 19:36:28 UTC 5 years ago

Wait...what? A movie option? For which book? Are you allowed to say?

*insert random squeeing here*

catnip13

May 24 2012, 19:43:35 UTC 5 years ago

Feed, she posted about it on Tuesday.
http://seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com/444602.html

hoppytoad79

5 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

5 years ago

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brownkitty

May 24 2012, 20:07:49 UTC 5 years ago

Silly, silly dear person.

We're all a dream, and we'll never wake up. You're a dream in the minds of your cats, and when one cat leaves another cat will appear to hold the world.

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:19:42 UTC 5 years ago

Yay!

dornbeast

5 years ago

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Charles Ellis

5 years ago

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serge_lj

May 24 2012, 20:19:23 UTC 5 years ago

If I'm one of Seanan's oniric figments, couldn't she have made me look and sound like Gregory Peck in "Captain Horatio Hornblower"? Or like Hugh Jackman?

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:20:06 UTC 5 years ago

Sorry!

serge_lj

5 years ago

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judifilksign

May 24 2012, 21:05:52 UTC 5 years ago

Take this kiss upon thy brow,
There will be no parting now.
This much, let me avow
All your world is what it seems,
And not just a dream within a dream.
Let not your hopes be blown away
Not in night, not in the day
Your visions are writ down
We can read them; you'll never be gone.

You stand not alone along the shore
Prithee, Lady, weep no more.
I hold within my hand ideas of yours
Fae visions, words of gore,
Aeslin mice hail evermore.
All that read thee do truly deem
We wish with you to dream
In your dreams within our Dream.

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:20:51 UTC 5 years ago

...I love you, too.

flitterkit

May 24 2012, 21:50:39 UTC 5 years ago

Don't forget that this season's colors are Orange and Green!

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:21:01 UTC 5 years ago

I know!

yellowblackhaze

May 24 2012, 22:23:17 UTC 5 years ago

Wait...you didn't design your agent in a lab? Reading Blackout and loving it.

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:21:10 UTC 5 years ago

Oh, yay. :)

dragonsally

May 25 2012, 00:49:08 UTC 5 years ago

Enjoy the wonderfulness that is your life right now.

I can totally understand how you feel - are you covered with bruises from continually pinching yourself?

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:21:19 UTC 5 years ago

...maybe a little bit.

biguglymandoll

May 25 2012, 01:15:22 UTC 5 years ago

To sleep a moment more! The Internetz and all the world loves you - it's your turn. You waited long enough, you worked your ass off, you deserve it. Enjoy it!

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:21:29 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you.

vincentursus

May 25 2012, 01:40:17 UTC 5 years ago

Wow.

I'm going to note this down as evidence of karma in action.

Any air-breathing squids spotted so far?

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:21:41 UTC 5 years ago

Not yet, but I'm watching for them!

evieeros

May 25 2012, 02:11:21 UTC 5 years ago

December of 2008 all over again, when I was lonely and scared and had no idea what I was going to do about my future.

I know how you feel because it is May of 2012 and I am a lonely and scared and have no idea what I'm going to do about my future! However, this post gives me tons of hope--if Seanan's life can turn around to become THIS crazy awesome then surely I can manage a slightly lesser and realistic form of awesome, right?!

*hugs to you* And may the Great Pumpkin continue to bless you!

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:22:10 UTC 5 years ago

May the Great Pumpkin shine his candle upon you as well. It will be okay. You will find the future that you deserve.

<3

jenrose1

May 25 2012, 03:10:24 UTC 5 years ago

<3

I'm with you on being a little scared of the happy. I have a healthy baby who is nursing well and "advanced" according to the developmental pediatrician his sister goes to.

Shiny is reading, oh dear god my baby who can't talk very well and wasn't supposed to have language at all can read. And the internet bought her an iPad and she loves it and talks to us now and doesn't hit as much and maybe, just maybe one day she'll be able to move through the world without us having to protect the world from her or her from the world quite so much.

And my teenager is excited to be living on our property during college with her best buds next year, and we have a good relationship and she often tells me how she's lucky that she has me and not all the crap parents some of her friends have.

And we have enough money that we did not have to go into debt in a year we will spend $20,000 on health insurance and copays.

And I'm even having times now when I'm not in pain.

And the last 7 years have been extraordinarily hard, and I keep sort of blinking, like when a barrier is removed and you stumble because you've been pushing against it for so very long, because suddenly things are getting easier.

And when I heard you'd gotten the movie rights optioned, I actually squee'd. And got goosebumps and all verklempt. Because you totally deserve it.

Is the fog finally lifting? Has the morning finally come? Is it safe to breath and be grateful and enjoy it? I sometimes have that feeling, have had most of my life, when I wonder if I'm going to wake up and find myself back in the the third grade...

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:22:57 UTC 5 years ago

All of these things are amazing, and oh, go Shiny, go.

I am so happy for you. I'll stay asleep if you will.

jenrose1

5 years ago

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tula_peiwa

May 25 2012, 07:27:16 UTC 5 years ago

is it cheesy to say you're an inspiration? or creepy? creesy? ugh I should probably partake of that sleep thing. I hope Disneyland is magnificent and that if you should happen to wake up that you do so into a world with larger cats, a legacy of movies and trained cephalopods in every home.

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:23:19 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you. :)

joecoustic

May 25 2012, 12:46:13 UTC 5 years ago

I'm so happy for you! :)

seanan_mcguire

May 25 2012, 14:23:27 UTC 5 years ago

Thanks, honey.

Deleted comment

seanan_mcguire

June 3 2012, 18:59:03 UTC 5 years ago

Yay!

vulpine137

May 25 2012, 16:21:42 UTC 5 years ago

Help to know I got my copy of Blackout today? It looks nice next to Feed and Deadline. Also you are one of the rare authors who actually got me to care enough about characters that when horrible things happen to them, it's like a well written kick to the ribs. You are a gifted author, a wonderful cat servant, and one of the coolest people I follow on the internets. You deserve all the good you get, and more.

seanan_mcguire

June 3 2012, 18:59:33 UTC 5 years ago

That is awesome, and thank you.

I...I love your horrible parody of that horrible Radio Disney song in that icon.

thedragonweaver

May 26 2012, 00:01:44 UTC 5 years ago

Well, you could also be a butterfly dreaming that it's a Hugo-nominated writer, comics artist, and filker extraordinare, but I'm more inclined towards the idea that you paid in good karma coin to get this gig. (And remember, you can't turn in bad for good.)

seanan_mcguire

June 3 2012, 18:59:43 UTC 5 years ago

<3
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