Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: thoughtful
  • Music: Halestorm, "Here's to Us."

Dear girls of the world today...

Dear girls of the world today;

There is nothing wrong with you.

Everything I see, everything I read, everything I hear, is geared toward telling you that something is wrong with you. You're too fat. You're too thin. Your skin is terrible. You look too young. You look too old. You're too smart, you're too dumb, you talk too much, you don't talk enough, you're broken, you're flawed, you're bad. And all those things are lies. They are exaggerations. They are designed to pick on the things you feel insecure about, and convince you that you will never be happy unless you force yourself into their standards of perfection.

They will tell you that you are weak; that girls can't deal with spiders or do math or love snakes or run nations or be scientists. They will tell you that you must be indecisive, flighty, more interested in the interests that are chosen for you than the ones that you choose for yourself. They will tell you that you have to change yourself to suit them, and then they will keep moving the goalposts, so that you're never done changing, and you're never allowed to be you. And they are wrong. They are so, so wrong, and you are better than the lies they tell you.

If you are a girl, you are a girl. Period, finish, end statement. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you enjoy doing. It doesn't matter what your assigned birth sex is or was. It doesn't matter who or what or why you love. All that matters is that you love, and that you accept that you are you, and you are awesome.

It's okay if you love pink. Some girls genuinely do. I genuinely do. Once, we would all have been viewed as cross-dressing and weird for liking pink, which was a male color. Times change. If you want to own your own pinkness, do, and don't let anyone tell you that makes you less of a feminist.

It's okay if you hate pink. You're not denying your gender or letting down the side, or anything else like that. You're a person, and there are a lot of colors out there to fall in love with. I recommend orange, green, and anything that sears your retinas.

Frills and lace and high heels and makeup are all fine. So are denim and combat boots and tattoos. So is everything between those extremes.

Collect dolls or knives or books or interesting rocks. Watch horror movies or romances or cartoons. Run races; go to spas. Eat cake or lettuce. Buy yourself a toy light saber and make your own wooooom noises while you wave it around; build a cardboard castle and chuck plush mushrooms at your would-be rescuers. Live your life, the way you want to live it, and understand that no one can kick you out of "the girl club" for doing it wrong, because you're not.

You're doing it exactly right, and I love you for that.

Corn maze love,
Me.
Tags: contemplation
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    switch
    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    Help
  • 381 comments
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →

Inspiring Posts

livejournal

May 4 2012, 18:35:50 UTC 5 years ago

User lastalda referenced to your post from Inspiring Posts saying: [...] It is an awesome post made of lots of awesome thoughts. Go read it! And then today, write this [...]

exapno

May 4 2012, 18:36:37 UTC 5 years ago Edited:  May 4 2012, 18:37:26 UTC

Pretty sure you've known how much I've adored you for several years now, and you have a nice chorus going here already. Still going to add my voice to it :) Thank you for saying what needs to be said, and saying it so well. *huggs*

I've tried to teach my daughter this (and my son too); as we enter the official Teenage Years it's getting even more difficult. Luckily we have some pretty awesome examples among our friends & family (and thank you for being one of them!)....still, only time will tell how well we've done.

xap

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:30:39 UTC 5 years ago

I adore you, too, dear.

ladymurmur

May 4 2012, 18:40:00 UTC 5 years ago

Wish I were wearing full skirts today so that I could curtsy deeply as a show of respect for your words in truth, as well as virtually.

Curtsying in jeans just doesn't quite work so well. :-)

Well said. So very well said!

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:30:46 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you.

sistawendy

May 4 2012, 18:49:41 UTC 5 years ago

Thanks for this post, and thanks for the trans inclusion.

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:31:09 UTC 5 years ago

All girls matter, and need to know that they're not broken.

tollers

May 4 2012, 18:53:04 UTC 5 years ago

*applauds*

Well said!

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:31:16 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you.

le_matya

May 4 2012, 19:01:15 UTC 5 years ago

I can only agree with this wholeheartedly.

FYI, I'm a male who likes females. And not all of us agree with the fashion magazine standards of beauty. I certainly don't, and I think most others like me don't either.

But I really like women who aren't afraid to be themselves.

You go, girls!

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:31:25 UTC 5 years ago

Yay!

biomekanic

May 4 2012, 19:01:23 UTC 5 years ago

Dear Marketing Departments: Stop trying to fuck with the minds of so many of the people I love. Just knock that shit off, and stop being evil.

Signed,
Me

PS: Can someone make Cosmo stop giving horrible, horrible advice about sex? Please? What if someone takes that shit seriously and hurts somebody?

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:31:41 UTC 5 years ago

I would LOVE it if we could make them stop.

fragbert

May 4 2012, 19:16:21 UTC 5 years ago

I just printed this out and put it in my daughter's room for when she gets home from school this evening.

Thank you.

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:31:55 UTC 5 years ago

Very welcome.

rose1thorn

May 4 2012, 19:16:35 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you from me and from my 6-year-old daughter, whose favorite song is "Wicked Girls".

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:32:10 UTC 5 years ago

Your six-year-old has awesome taste. :)

alicetheowl

May 4 2012, 19:21:47 UTC 5 years ago

All of this shines through in your books. Your women are strong and confident and utterly themselves.

I wore frilly dresses up until I entered elementary school, and realized you can't climb on the monkey bars without the skirt getting in your way. For the longest time, my mother had to deal with how to get mud out of lace. She breathed a huge sigh of relief when I started wearing pants.

I have two older sisters, and one younger. And then there was my mother, the breadwinner and outspoken free thinker. When I expressed horror, upon finding out from my Catholic classmates that some people kill babies before they're born, she sat me down and explained how it happened before it was legal. I don't think my mother ever called herself a feminist, but she's definitely responsible for my growing up into a feminist role.

I've been very fortunate to have so many role models of what makes a real woman. But it is exhausting, hearing so many voices to the contrary, day in and day out.

So a voice reinforcing everything I know about the strong women I love and admire is always appreciated. :)

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:32:39 UTC 5 years ago

Your mother sounds amazing. Which makes sense, since you're amazing.

alicetheowl

5 years ago

  • New comment

alicetheowl

5 years ago

  • New comment

pocketnaomi

5 years ago

  • New comment

alicetheowl

5 years ago

  • New comment

thedragonweaver

5 years ago

  • New comment

dornbeast

5 years ago

  • New comment

Deleted comment

seanan_mcguire

May 4 2012, 19:32:51 UTC 5 years ago

:)

starmalachite

May 4 2012, 20:00:51 UTC 5 years ago

I managed to figure most of this out for myself back in the day. But it took a long time & hurt an awful lot. Now, I try to pass it on every chance I get.

Many thanks for distilling it into this handy, easily-assimilated form.

starmalachite

May 4 2012, 20:08:36 UTC 5 years ago

PS: I'll be putting a copy of this in my niece's high school graduation card later this month.

seanan_mcguire

5 years ago

  • New comment

wldhrsjen3

May 4 2012, 20:07:43 UTC 5 years ago

I just read this to my 12 year old daughter. We live on a farm in a very small, conservative community and she's had a hard time finding like-minded friends. "None of the girls like me," she has often complained, "because I run as fast as the boys, I hate makeup and I love dragons." I've been trying so hard to tell her to be herself and not to worry what they say ~ she's strong enough not to change her personality to fit in, but she would cry to me and say, "Why is there something wrong with me?" No amount of reassurance seemed to help (she says, "You're my mom, you're supposed to tell me how awesome I am!") until you wrote this. By the time I had finished, she was staring at me with dinner-plate eyes. "You mean you weren't kidding? There are other girls like me? It's really and truly okay to be different?"

HECK YES, Daughter mine! :D

So, from the both of us, THANK YOU. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have just saved my tween from a significant heartache, and I will forever be grateful. <3

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:07:37 UTC 5 years ago

Oh.

Oh, you are so welcome, and so is she.

Oh.

wldhrsjen3

5 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

5 years ago

  • New comment

thedragonweaver

5 years ago

  • New comment

aliciaaudrey

May 4 2012, 20:18:27 UTC 5 years ago

You need to win the award for AWESOMENESS for all these great posts on this topic lately.

Just say'n.

(I also approve of both pink and EYE SEARING ORANGE. Sometimes even together. It can work on us blondes!)

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:07:49 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you!

boomdiada

May 4 2012, 20:19:27 UTC 5 years ago

This is just beautiful. And makes me so thankful for my mother. She has two daughters, neither of whom have followed the "traditional" route in our careers or hobbies. Sure, there were some wonderfully girly things that we collected and loved and still love to this day, but there were the things we weren't "supposed" to like, and she never once said "You can't have that, that's for boys." On the contrary, she encouraged us to play with what we wanted. If I wanted to play with a Pony one day and have the same Pony cruising around on a Matchbox car skateboard the next, she thought it was the most awesome thing ever. She taught me how to sew, and she taught me how to build a slot car for a race at school. She taught me how to cook, and taught me how to change the oil in my car.

I know I'm a lucky girl to have had such an amazing mom to reinforce that I could do anything I wanted to do, and that has carried me through all the various jobs I've had.

Thank you for this post, Seanan. You're amazing and wonderful and I don't know you, but I just want to give you a hug. *hug*

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:08:08 UTC 5 years ago

Hugs are always good. You are very welcome, and your mother is awesome.

For the girls, or parents of girls, or aunts and uncles of girls...

livejournal

May 4 2012, 20:28:40 UTC 5 years ago

User frieliegh referenced to your post from For the girls, or parents of girls, or aunts and uncles of girls... saying: [...] the original, with all its phenomenal comments. http://seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com/441098.html [...]

pocketnaomi

May 4 2012, 20:32:11 UTC 5 years ago

I'm showing this to my daughter.

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:08:22 UTC 5 years ago

Lovely.

jessicasix

May 4 2012, 20:34:45 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you so much for this. I can't tell you how much flack I get (from other girls no less!) for my love of pink and my love of collecting goth dolls (and Barbies). And it usually comes from people I never would expect it from. But, I try not to let it get me down and keep doing what I am doing because it is who I am. It is always nice though to have someone who I respect and admire write something like this b/c it makes me feel not so alone in the world. So, thank you Seanan for making it just that much easier to let my own pinkness fly!

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:08:53 UTC 5 years ago

Those people can bite your shiny metal hiney. And if we're ever in the same place, I will totally let you help me re-dress my doll collection.

sabolichwrites

May 4 2012, 20:41:40 UTC 5 years ago

When I worked for People to People a few years ago, one of the adult delegations came back from South Africa very thoughtful indeed after witnessing the joyous unconcern of the young village girls for body image. Those girls, thick, thin, tall, short, had never been exposed to the constant harping by advertisers and Hollywood about having to fit themselves to some artificial standard of perfection. They were happy with themselves, having no reason not to be.

Thanks for posting this. There are never enough reminders that girls have the right to be themselves, and be accepted as themselves. And yes, ladies, that applies to all of grown-ups, too.

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:09:05 UTC 5 years ago

Wow.

And you are very welcome.

starwatcher307

5 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

5 years ago

  • New comment

starwatcher307

5 years ago

  • New comment

stormerider

May 4 2012, 20:45:51 UTC 5 years ago

This, this, a thousand times, THIS.

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:09:12 UTC 5 years ago

Yay.

cyberbertha

May 4 2012, 20:55:27 UTC 5 years ago

Brava!

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:09:22 UTC 5 years ago

*curtsey*

lisa_marli

May 4 2012, 20:59:01 UTC 5 years ago

Awesome as usual Ms Seanan. As a mother, I did my best to keep my daughter from those pressures, and mostly succeeded.
And it is good to see you have managed as well. My Little Ponies and all. ;)

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:09:34 UTC 5 years ago

I love my Ponies.

Deleted comment

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:09:51 UTC 5 years ago

Yes, absolutely. You have my full consent.

batyatoon

May 4 2012, 21:46:01 UTC 5 years ago

TESTIFY, SISTER.

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:10:01 UTC 5 years ago

Love you, my Bat.

wendigomountain

May 4 2012, 22:06:07 UTC 5 years ago

My daughter collects Monster High dolls ("because they're MONSTERS!, Dad!") and tames ladybugs. And spends most of the day at school being told to sit down and shut up. In a perfect world, she could spend all day with her insects, her stick collections, and making monster doll clothes out of shreds of paper. A true child of the Fae if there ever was one. Doomed for a certain time to walk among mortals.

Thank you for posting this!

seanan_mcguire

May 5 2012, 02:10:13 UTC 5 years ago

Your daughter is AWESOME.
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →