* Surviving IN SPACE.
* Surviving IN THE DESERT.
* Surviving BEING BITTEN BY VENOMOUS REPTILES.
* Surviving YOUR SUDDEN AND INEVITABLE POP STAR LIFE.
I...what?
A little context for you, because context is to my crankiness as the Great Pumpkin is to the Sacred Patch: yesterday was Wednesday, better known around these parts as "Seanan goes to the comic book store" day. We went to the comic book store. I picked up my books (new issues of The Boys and Hack/Slash, new trades of Chew and American Vampire), and prowled the shelves, looking to see what else had arrived.
In the "family friendly" section, I found two books I hadn't seen before: Boys Only How To Survive Anything, and its natural mate, Girls Only How To Survive Anything. They were, naturally, somewhat pink and blue, but I don't have a moral objection to pink, and if they were going to be all gendered about things, I supposed having "gender appropriate" colors made sense. I picked up Boys Only and flipped through it.
Surviving disasters, natural and man-made. Surviving conflicts and accidents and on the space shuttle and monsters. Surviving, you know, shit that can kill you. Works for me. I put down Boys Only and picked up Girls Only. Where I learned to survive...
Breakouts. Becoming a pop star (and the inevitable carpal tunnel from signing all those autographs). Saying I'm sorry (with homemade lip balm). Identifying a frenemy. Surviving, you know, shit that generally doesn't leave you dead.
Can you guess when I started seeing red?
Now look. I get that we're a culture that thinks boys and girls should always like different things, and that we start reinforcing that from a very early age. I get that to some degree, on average, boys and girls do like different things. It's by no means universal, but things like the Brony movement aside, you do have gendered majorities for many activities and interests. Fine. But you know where that breaks down? When we tell girls, through implication, that they shouldn't know how to survive in the desert. Knowing how to handle, gasp, pimples is so much more important.
Not every girl needs to know how to deal with venomous reptiles, just like not every boy needs to know how to base jump. Because of differing interests and activities, I could have believed as much as 40% deviation between the books. Teach the boys how to tie a tie, and the girls how to fix runs in the nylons, fine. It's cisgendered and assumes so much, but it makes societal sense, if you're dividing the books by gender (and I'm almost in favor of that, just so that they don't give all the action illustrations to boys, and all the pretty or panicked illustrations to girls). Understand that gendering is problematic and try to be reasonable.
But we are talking 95% deviation. The only activity they had in common? Escaping from a zombie. Because...fuck, I don't know. Because zombies are the only truly gender-neutral threat in the world, apparently. Deserts only fuck you up if you have a penis. Frenemies (how I hate that word) only endanger your reputation if you have tits. But zombies? Man, they will fuck you up, no matter what you've got.
I hate this increasing insistence that boys and girls are alien species, coming together only to do icky romance dances of ickiness, and make more boys and girls to never understand each other at all. Girls can like snakes. Boys can like looking nice for dates. And that doesn't mean a damn thing but "we are all individuals, we will all like and want and do different stuff."
At least we're all allowed to know how to fight zombies.
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May 3 2012, 20:15:59 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 20:18:59 UTC 5 years ago
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May 3 2012, 20:25:31 UTC 5 years ago
I really hate the whole boys and girls are completely diffrent species idea that a lot of pop culture seems to support, like that stupid new movie that says women can only understand men after reading a book cracking guy codes or whatever.
And, off topic, I really need to catch up onChew.
May 3 2012, 23:41:34 UTC 5 years ago
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May 3 2012, 20:26:32 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 23:41:46 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 20:36:02 UTC 5 years ago
Survive means "not die" which means it only aplies when dying is a serious possibility. Sometimes we use it as a joke like "I survived WorldCon" or something but those jokes are best when they're gender neutral.
Part of what makes me mad is the lost opportunities. Those books could *both* have been cool. They could have included a mix of things that are way out, like being stranded in the desert or lost in the woods, or bitten by a rattlesnake, and things that are more common, like a blowout on the freeway or a bicycle crash or a fire in the kitchen. Or they could both include survival skills like how to find north and how to catch rainwater, and "survival" skills like how to sew on a button or change your locks or change a tire or wash dishes. Actually, come to think of it "how to change your locks" can be a survival skill without any quotes.
(Actually I think a class on "horrible things that can happen to your car and how to prevent, detect and survive them" would be a great high school or college class. But I digress.)
May 3 2012, 22:42:15 UTC 5 years ago
Some of what I think of as "urban school" groups, like First Class 101, etc. do occasionally offer a few courses of that type in amongst "finding your inner creative through [pottery, etc.]" [which is important, but] and "dating and relationship tips" [which are also important, but]. However, if you don't live in a major metro area, then you're pretty much confined to books or what you find on the internet -- or if you're lucky maybe you find you know someone who knows what they're doing AND is willing/able to teach you. *sigh*
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May 3 2012, 20:37:36 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 23:43:01 UTC 5 years ago
Ghaaaaah.
May 3 2012, 20:41:15 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 23:43:14 UTC 5 years ago
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May 3 2012, 23:43:28 UTC 5 years ago
Happy wedding!
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May 3 2012, 20:54:04 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 23:43:51 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 20:58:03 UTC 5 years ago
Sigh. Over 40 years ago I quit Girl Scouts at the jump between the 2nd & 3rd age groups because I'd read the manuals & noticed that the Boy Scouts got to do badges on things like Space & Ham Radio, & I was expected to settle for 6 more years of Cooking & Entertaining (as in throwing parties).
It's infuriating that so little has changed.
May 3 2012, 23:44:12 UTC 5 years ago
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May 3 2012, 21:09:46 UTC 5 years ago
When I visit my in-laws in the Bay Area's Concord, I make it a point to visit Joe's store "Flying Colors". Wednesday used to be my I'm-going-to-Joe's-comics-store when I was living there.
May 3 2012, 23:44:30 UTC 5 years ago
Best comic store is best.
May 3 2012, 21:15:08 UTC 5 years ago
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May 3 2012, 21:47:05 UTC 5 years ago
Boys are active. Girls exist to be patronised, apparently. My generation was promised that our daughters would not be treated like this.
Funny how that promise hasn't been kept.
May 3 2012, 23:45:18 UTC 5 years ago
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May 3 2012, 23:45:36 UTC 5 years ago
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May 3 2012, 22:09:58 UTC 5 years ago
These books were majorly problematic in a lot of areas, chock full of racism and sexism but at least they assumed that some girls wanted to have adventures every bit as much as boys. If a book is less tolerant of variant gender roles than pre- 1960's British children's literature then it's got some pretty major problems...
May 3 2012, 23:45:50 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 22:14:00 UTC 5 years ago
But speaking of zombies, hope this helps your universe-view a little: random sighting of someone on the DC subway reading Mira Grant's _Feed_. Started just talking to the person about it (one problem with eReaders is that they do _not_ enable this kind of conversational initiation based on just seeing the book cover, and admitting you are actually reading text over someone's shoulder can be, well, kinda rude if not downright creepy. Just ask Lyle Lovett...) and got back things like "multiple recommendations from other people" and "I'm not really into zombie books, but this is a sociopolitical thriller where zombies are part of the storyline and the society, so that's great" and "feels very relevant to current events". We then segued into urban fantasy so I just happened to mention Mira Grant's alter ego had two other series with different tones. :)
Hail "we are all individuals, we will all like and want and do different stuff"!
May 3 2012, 23:46:14 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 22:53:20 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 23:46:24 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 23:02:10 UTC 5 years ago
I have taken classes in "surviving in the desert" and "surviving in a blizzard" and all that. We covered it in Boy Scouts. There's a societal expectation that boys will learn about that sort of thing, and there's a societal infrastructure around that.
Wanna know how often I've used most of that? Yeah, right.
Identifying frenemies? Yes, boys have those, but we don't really know how to deal with them. Acne? Oh, hell yes. Carpal tunnel? Heheheheh.
It seems the notions in these books screw over both sides. I'd want a balanced mix between "stuff that can actually kill you" and "stuff that won't really kill you, but you totally ought to know" which would, from your description, be more accurate ways to describe the boys and girls books, respectively.
It is, I suspect, possible to write such books that aren't full of stupid gender stereotypes, but it would have to be very thoughtful and there'd be an awful lot more overlap. I'd just want to group it differently, really.
May 3 2012, 23:46:47 UTC 5 years ago
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May 3 2012, 23:12:03 UTC 5 years ago
I wanna know how to survive the shit that kills, because I have no desire to be a po ~oh shiny. Parcelpostman just deliverd the new Charlaine Harris book ~
what was I saying?
What I need to know is how the heck to organise all my books in a tiny house.
May 3 2012, 23:47:20 UTC 5 years ago
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May 3 2012, 23:48:01 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 23:17:21 UTC 5 years ago
While I may have been the only 7 year old girl in the neighborhood who knew how to change spark plugs on her dad's motorcycle (no over-torque, please!), I have never understood why it should be that way. The girl scouts' focus on beauty shop skills is equally annoying to me.
May 3 2012, 23:48:13 UTC 5 years ago
May 3 2012, 23:46:49 UTC 5 years ago
*cheer*
*conga line dance of extreme approval* <---- I think I should get Aeslin mice to do this one. It is very hard to conga alone.
"I hate this increasing insistence that boys and girls are alien species, coming together only to do icky romance dances of ickiness, and make more boys and girls to never understand each other at all."
I cannot like this statement enough. I have pretty strong feelings about "what we are taught to like" versus "what we will naturally gravitate towards," largely I expect due to being raised by a feminist who could knit and do macrame and such (that being my father) and a free-thinker who enjoyed manly and outdoorsey pursuits like fishing and hunting and mowing the lawn (that being my mother). Having been left largely to my own devices, I realized I like boy things (like giant robots and muscle cars) and girl things (like pink: I'm not sure I want a pink giant robot, but frankly if you will give a giant robot I don't really care what color it is).
This doesn't bother me but it drives me bonkers that it bothers other people, and in fact that people who otherwise love me occasionally grab me by the proverbial ear and instruct me in 'how to act like a lady.' I act like a perfectly fine lady; I just don't want to spend five hundred dollars on a pair of painful shoes but probably would spend it learning how to jump out of an airplane or how to more effectively wave a sword around, how does that make me not a lady? IT MAKES ME AN AWESOME LADY. SO THERE.
Clearly someone needs to swap the books covers in the interest of readjusting warped social expectations.
May 4 2012, 06:41:27 UTC 5 years ago
Also, I support your non-concern about the color of the giant robot. It is easily proven that owning a giant robot of any color has a better survival rate than being stomped on by a giant robot.
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May 4 2012, 00:04:31 UTC 5 years ago
And now I want to write the Girls' Manual for the Kicking of Asses.
May 4 2012, 00:17:53 UTC 5 years ago
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