Show, don't tell: why they need to be there.

Thank you for sharing this. I'm very glad to have read it.

Thank you.

I was thinking about something along these lines on my way home tonight.

A male friend said to me when talking about women's issues, "I'm beginning to think I'm part of the problem, and, it really is your fault."

He didn't mean it badly. We've had a LOT of conversations about sexual violence and gender issues. I've been patient, more than I'd have been with some random person on the internet, because he's my friend.

He's come a long way in understanding. He argued with me a lot at first, but, he'd think things over. He takes time.

I love the way you said this and also the timing of this post. I was recently having discussions with friends over how we view relationships is at least partly affected by what we see in TV and movies. We as a society are beginning to realize that a lack of being able to identify with characters we find in books makes it harder for us to identify with ourselves. I love that writers are putting more focus on GLBT and non-white characters often times without the flashy announcements which makes it more meaningful for me. Along with that what I want to see is more books and movies without the romance element at all. I read a lot of books and when I struggle to think of 5 books that don't show a romantic interest that tells me that it is no wonder that single people often have a hard time being single. Thank you for having these discussions and making it easier for the rest of us to have these discussions as well. Its important that we can relate to the people we read about and see on tv and in movies.

what I want to see is more books and movies without the romance element at all.

YES, PLEASE!

As someone who got through puberty and beyond with at most two mild crushes, I find the obsession with pairing up and sex that is pretty much everywhere disheartening.

It's one of the things that I love about the Richard K Morgan "A Land Fit For Heroes" books. The one of the main characters is gay. And, when you're reading his sections, you hear about guards well formed buttocks, or pretty lips, etc. Just like we've come to expect from descriptions of women, if they're attractive, it's all about their sexual characteristics in descriptive terms.

And why I loved Mass Effect 3's Esteban. Sure, it's a little ham handed, but dude was just "yeah, I had a husband, and he died and it sucks". At no point did the game world try and make you feel weird about it.

I loved this post! It's easier to write what you know--which is, for me, heterosexual, white, and female. But I also have many friends who are gay or bi, as well as different races and different religions. I do have to make a conscious effort to think about the demographics of my writing, though, to make sure that the story is both as realistic and inclusive as I'd like it to be.

I do include gay and bisexual characters in my writing, as well as characters of different races and religions. That said, I get frustrated when I read books that contain gay characters--even as side characters--and their ONLY characteristic seems to be that they're gay. That's it. Unfortunately, I see it a lot more than I'd like to. When you meet someone in real life, they may be gay (or bi, or transgendered, or something else), but that's not the ONLY thing about them. So why should characters in books be any different? So in the novel I'm currently revising, the protagonist's best friend is gay. But he's also Hispanic, a comic book author, a cult cinema buff, a general smart-ass, a deeply caring friend, and a person who experiences a lot of Really Bad Things during the book--none of which have ANYTHING to do with him being gay. Being gay is part of who he is, but the story is not about him being gay.

Thank you for the recommendations. I will be looking to get these for my reads at college level young adult, because I want to make sure she has examples of other than the "default" being OK. She has me as a mother, so most things don't cause her to bat an eyelash, but it's good to know I can give her things to read that will reinforce that. With her, "Seanan likes it, so I thought you would" will work VERY effectively to get her to try a book, too *LOL*

Thank you. I've been trying, and failing, to elaborate on why I was so gleeful about the Rat Alpha and his husband in Ilona Andrews' Kate Daniels books, or Steve Cortez in Mass Effect 3. And now I don't have to, because I can just point people to your post and say "yes, this."

Has anyone mentioned the Harmony books by Jayne Castle (aka Jayne Anne Krentz)? The whole premise is that a colony of Earth humans are cut off when a mysterious Curtain that permitted travel between Earth and a distant planet closes as quickly as it once opened, stranding a large number of settlers. The "Founders" set up survival methods that include nearly everyone marrying, either male/female; male/male and female/female, in order to give stability to the society. Lots of hot straight romance, but total acceptance of other romances as well.

Add another "thank you" to your pile for writing this. (And thanks for the book recommendations! They're on my ever-expanding TO READ list now!)

I'm a bi, poly, kinky female. Finding characters that resemble me outside of erotic fiction (which, hey, not complaining about erotic fiction!) is nearly impossible. Finding a character that shares even one of those traits (bi and poly especially for me) is like having rain in the dessert; it cleanses and refreshes but it's over too soon and leave you wanting and waiting for the next time it happens. Kick ass female characters are thankfully becoming much more available and I can now rattle off half a dozen books or book series that have female leads I adore without having to think too hard. But that's about as far as it goes. Female and bi? Yeah, I'm drawing a blank. Female and poly? One, kinda, if you turn sideways and squint. Female and kinky? Erotic fiction and that's fine because I can understand a character being kinky not really being integral to the plot most times while their being poly and bisexual may have more impact on it--maybe.

Also, now I'm pondering the Luidaeg and her selkie lover and hoping I get to read about that at some point. I had sort of kinda figured out Amandine and Lily but mostly I figured that was wishful thinking on my part in the hopes that I might see a character that was like me. There are so few bodies of water realistically portrayed!

Female, bi, poly, kickass main character:

Friday by Robert Heinlein. Admittedly, the bi part comes about over the course of the book.

Matadora by Steve Perry. The lead character also appears to varying degrees in most of the other books of the series.

Snowbrother by S.M. Stirling. Followed by The Sharpest Edge (aka Saber and Shadow), The Cage, and Shadow's Son by Stirling and Shirley Meier. Sh’kaira can be a little (or a lot) off-putting in the first book, but she gets better as the series progresses.

Heather Dale's song, "One of Us", sums up a lot of why it is so important to see diversity. osewalrus had a good explanation as well, currently hidden behind a broken link -- I'll see if I can get a working link.

Ursula K. Le Guin recognized that she hadn't managed to show what was obvious to her in Left Hand of Darkness, and that the book does suffer as a result. I do like the book, but she's right:

That is way cool. I am really glad you wrote about this. I would like more stories with relationships that are based on the personalities of the people in the relationships, and not on their gender. I am really glad you include all interests in your stories - it makes perfect sense to me that Fae would not have gender be any big thing, except where procreation's concerned. Love is love! It's nice to see it expressed in a less boxed-in manner.

Okay, we have a working link!