Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: exhausted
  • Music: Kelly Clarkson, "Stronger."

A small footnote about dealing with people with OCD.

...or at least, dealing with person with OCD.

It's no secret around here that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; I manage it on a daily basis, and I do a pretty good job. It's why I can accomplish as much as I do, given how little time I have. But it does mean that some things are non-negotiable for me, even as I politely tell people that they don't have to do them.

One of those things is responding to comments.

Sometimes, when I get overwhelmed, kind and concerned and loving people try to grant me comment amnesty. "You don't have to answer this." BUT I DO. I answer comments because I have to answer comments, or I literally cannot forget that I have left them unanswered. It may take me a long time. I may answer so far in the future that you've forgotten commenting. But unless I was the one who said "comment amnesty" (and sometimes not even then), I can't leave the majority of comments unacknowledged.

(This came about, ironically, because someone got very very very angry at me for not answering comments, and left me with a terror of being screamed at again.)

So please, don't tell me I don't have to answer you. That will just stress me out more, and move answering your comment to tell you that I do so have to answer higher up my priority list.

This has been another day of Seanan, living with OCD. Have a cookie.

ETA: Because I apparently wasn't clear: I love comments. I enjoy answering them. What stresses me out is other people trying to declare comment amnesty on my behalf. I can't process that, and so it just makes me unaccountably tense and unpleasant. So please, comment as normal. Just don't try to tell me I don't have to answer you, 'cause really, I do.
Tags: from mars, medical fu, shameless plea
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eilan

March 14 2012, 15:41:43 UTC 5 years ago

LOL
I was just going to tell her the PI thing too!

Yay for Pi/Pie!

seanan_mcguire

5 years ago

  • New comment

wfw_sj

March 14 2012, 15:44:52 UTC 5 years ago

Understood, although I thought you were just being very nice. Now I know: you're nice and OCD!

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 17:32:21 UTC 5 years ago

I really do want the connection and interaction. But I also have to answer.

anne_d

March 14 2012, 15:58:04 UTC 5 years ago

*sends hugs*

Thanks for the cookie, would you like a cup of tea?

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 17:32:32 UTC 5 years ago

No, thank you.

mneme

March 14 2012, 16:08:18 UTC 5 years ago

This is a useful PSA! Thank you, it was tasty -- have some candy corn.

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 17:32:40 UTC 5 years ago

CANDY CORN YAY.

kubis

March 14 2012, 16:09:29 UTC 5 years ago

I'm dropping in to say "Hi!", since I've just friended you. :)

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 17:32:53 UTC 5 years ago

Hello! Welcome!

desperance

March 14 2012, 16:10:39 UTC 5 years ago

Noted. I will try only to comment when what I have to say deserves a response; otherwise just assume I'm reading and cheering you on and keeping quiet to save you that extra thirty seconds.

And we'll see you on Saturday! I'm supporting Caitlin Kittredge at Borderlands at three, but we'll definitely hang around for your launch later. Yay...!

lysystratae

March 14 2012, 16:19:15 UTC 5 years ago

Ditto on the comment part :)

desperance

5 years ago

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archangelbeth

5 years ago

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adelheid_p

5 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

5 years ago

  • New comment

desperance

5 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

5 years ago

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tikiera

5 years ago

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dulcinbradbury

5 years ago

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smoooom

March 14 2012, 16:19:22 UTC 5 years ago

Ahhhh, I hate to add to your comment list, but thank you for the clarification. It may mean that I comment less in the future because I don't want to add to your pile. But sometimes I have to comment. You leave me in a quandry. (G)

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 17:34:06 UTC 5 years ago

I like comments; I dislike being told I don't need to answer.

martianmooncrab

March 14 2012, 17:03:58 UTC 5 years ago

Have a cookie

oooh, I hope they have chocolate chips in them! OCD gallops in my family, we all have it to some extent. Its frustrating at times because you know that you have to let it run its course, because if you interupt it, it disrupts their entire day. My sister has it the worst, so I have learned how to manange my frustration with it. In turn that has let me deal with my own manifestations of it. But what gets me is that my sister goes off on how her daughters OCD gets in the way of getting things done, and I just give her the Look and say, Apple, Tree!

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 17:34:24 UTC 5 years ago

They do!

nyxalinth

March 14 2012, 17:13:03 UTC 5 years ago

Previously I'd only been familiar with the forms of OCD that turn up on talk shows and in magazines. I didn't know OCD could cause something like this, too. I can't even begin to imagine how this is for you *hugs*

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 17:35:01 UTC 5 years ago

It's just how I'm wired, and I do fine by it, but it's irrationally upsetting when people try to dictate the basic tenets of my behavior, you know?

vettecat

March 14 2012, 17:17:19 UTC 5 years ago

I actually had inferred that, which is why I'm leaving fewer "yay!" and "awesome!" comments these days. It's not that I don't care, or am not excited about all the coolness; but since I really don't need a response, I'm trying to save you a few minutes.

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 17:35:21 UTC 5 years ago

That makes sense, even as it's unneeded. :) I truly don't mind the "yay."

klwilliams

March 14 2012, 17:26:30 UTC 5 years ago

(I now feel somewhat guilty for leaving this comment.) I've always been impressed that you do answer all your comments, and think, "That Seanan is so nice and polite." So it may drive you crazy needing to answer them all, but at least in my case it has raised my esteem for you even further.

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 17:37:20 UTC 5 years ago

I like answering them! I really, really do, and I want to interact with people and thank them for interacting with me. I just get upset when people tell me I don't have to. I'm the only one who can call comment amnesty in my own journal.

See you Saturday?

klwilliams

5 years ago

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ohari

March 14 2012, 18:03:40 UTC 5 years ago

Well, since you ETA'd.

Yay, comments. I enjoy interacting with you, but I don't want to be a cause of stress. It sounds like I'm not, so that's good.

Happy Wednesday! Happy Pi!

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 18:06:24 UTC 5 years ago

Not unless you try telling me I don't have to reply, and then, OH THE STRESS. :)

HAPPY PI DAY!!!!!

ohari

5 years ago

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brightlotusmoon

March 14 2012, 18:26:21 UTC 5 years ago

I will just say that OCD in any form is rough and tough, and I feel you and I am gratefull for Zoloft and Klonopin. And also that Sarah is amazing and I wish she were my cousin.
I think.

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 15:15:19 UTC 5 years ago

I think Sarah is amazing, too. :)

kimuro

March 14 2012, 18:34:44 UTC 5 years ago

Which leaves me with a conundrum. I want to tell you how much I'm enjoying Discount Armageddon (I got the last book on the shelves at the local* Barnes and Noble last Saturday - YAY me!) but I don't want to take any of your time from writing to respond because there doesn't seem to be any response to - You are amazing. You're story is amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Which last reminds me - the Celtic sìthe aversion to being thanked - I was thinking the other day if it might have something to do with godhood and the fey not being worshipped any longer. I was thinking, you see, that in Scottish Gaelic there's Buidheachas do Dhia (Thanks be to God) but human to human, it was Gun robh math agaibh (That was good of you) historically or currently Tapadh leibh - which is usually translated as "thank you" but actually means something closer to "health to you". (There's also Mòran taing, but that's straight-up borrowing from English.)

* (where local means the only bookstore for 20 miles).

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 15:15:55 UTC 5 years ago

That's a really good thought process. I wouldn't be surprised if that were part of where the mythology comes from.

And you're very welcome.

laurieness

March 14 2012, 19:36:22 UTC 5 years ago

I like cookies.

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 15:16:03 UTC 5 years ago

Me, too.

drakemonger

March 14 2012, 19:36:57 UTC 5 years ago

So what happens if I leave a hundred comments?

I mean, I'd be an ass to do such a thing, and I'm not going to be an ass, in that particular way, at this time. But the fact that the question lies at the intersection of psychology, security hacking, and being a smart-aleck means I pretty much *have to ask*. (Doing the experiment would in some ways be better, except for that 'being an ass' part.)

seanan_mcguire

March 14 2012, 19:51:45 UTC 5 years ago

I ask if you meant to do that, if they're all identical, in response to #1. I delete #2 through #100.

I call you a troll and ban you from my journal, if they're all different, in response to #1. I delete #2 through #100.

drakemonger

5 years ago

  • New comment

donaithnen

March 14 2012, 20:03:33 UTC 5 years ago

Now i'm not sure if i should leave a comment saying "Yay! I got friended back by an awesome person today!" or not ;)

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 15:16:21 UTC 5 years ago

OMG! Ponies!

:)

isabelknight

March 14 2012, 20:34:48 UTC 5 years ago

I'm sorry people were being shouty assholes - for some reason I always get so much more stressed out about people being nasty online than in person. I can do something when people are being weirdly hostile in person - walk away, or refocus on watching to see if they're going to escalate to a physical threat, or sometimes shut them down by pointing out that their behavior is inappropriate. Online, the assholes are just...out there somewhere, being assholes, even after I delete the messages. It's like losing track of a spider. I'm really, really sorry you've had to deal with so many of the nasty little creatures recently.

I'd actually thought you just knew everyone you answered the few times I read comments instead of just the post - I never actually scrolled all the way through - so I never actually made the "I love your books and your music and your stories and I think you're awesome" post that always occurred to me whenever I read or listened to something of yours. But I do think you're awesome, and I hope you have a lovely spring, devoid of assholes and the unpleasant types of stress. And thank you for the cookie.

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 15:17:06 UTC 5 years ago

I'm similar. Online assholes are spiders, and they're somewhere in my house, and I don't know where.

Welcome, and you're very welcome to more cookies.

sockdrawerdemon

March 14 2012, 20:51:41 UTC 5 years ago

Haha thanks for clarifying, I was worried that my commenting was making you sad! I was wondering if you knew anything about Kindle releases in Australia for your Toby and Discount Apocalypse books? I'm really keen to read them but paperbooks are a bit tricky for me.

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 15:17:58 UTC 5 years ago

Sadly, there is no Australian/UK publisher for those series (since UK distribution often includes Australia), and that means there is currently no legal ebook release. The physical books you can get there are imports from my American publisher.

tenaya_owlcat

March 14 2012, 20:55:50 UTC 5 years ago

Many thanks for clarifying that! It hadn't occured to me that it might cause you distress. It's always better to understand stuff. :)

Here, have my cat on drugs. *points to icon* :P

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 15:18:09 UTC 5 years ago

YAY STONED KITTY!

anderyn

March 14 2012, 23:23:13 UTC 5 years ago

Noted and will try to never say that.

BTW, loved the story in "The Modern Fae's Guide to Surviving Humanity" -- it answers soooooo many questions. I read it in the store and had to buy the book, since I wanted to show it to lots of people. :-)

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 15:18:19 UTC 5 years ago

I'm so glad!

swevene

March 14 2012, 23:34:50 UTC 5 years ago

I know that feeling- when someone is doing something to try and make you feel better but the way your brain is wired just can't accept it and it makes things worse! It's really frustrating, when you know their intentions are good but you just really can't take it in the spirit it is meant.

So, total understanding.

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 16:09:54 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you.

peachtales

March 14 2012, 23:44:34 UTC 5 years ago

Thank you for the cookie. After a week and a day of unemployment, I can definitely appreciate a delicious cookie.
The cats say hi.

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 16:10:03 UTC 5 years ago

Hi, cats!

glinda_w

March 14 2012, 23:57:42 UTC 5 years ago

Oh. Oh jeez. I hope I haven't said that to you. (I have memory issues. *sigh*)

I'm used to saying it when expressing sympathy or condolences or whatever, knowing someone is under a lot of stress, and what it means from me is "I do not need you to stress yourself further by answering me". But I will try very hard to remember not to say that to you.

(And yeah, managing one's wiring issues gets... interesting. Coping techniques, we can haz?)

And thank you for the cookie!

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 16:10:16 UTC 5 years ago

I don't believe you have. And you're very welcome.

vincentursus

March 15 2012, 01:10:58 UTC 5 years ago

I appreciate getting responses to my comments.

I have Asperger's, I can empathize with the notion of "Yes, it would actually take more effort for me to avoid doing this thing than I expend doing it."

seanan_mcguire

March 20 2012, 16:10:30 UTC 5 years ago

High-five for unusual wiring!
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