DISCOUNT ARMAGEDDON open thread!

"Let me explain. No, too much. Let me sum up."

Verity Price, a hereditary cryptozoologist trying to break in to the world of professional competitive ballroom dance, is currently working as a waitress at Dave's Fish and Strips, a tacky titty bar. In _Discount Armageddon_, Verity has to deal with an assortment of pissed-off cryptids, a representative of the Covenant of St. George (which is a hereditary order dedicated to the destruction of the monsters), idiot customers who want to play grab-ass, and talking mice who can make a religious ceremony out of anything.

She kicks butt and takes names from start to finish.


Some of my favorite non-spoilery quotes include:

... there's no better way to study an urban cryptid population than by meeting them on their own level. Half the time, that level is straight up. (The other half is usually straight down. Cryptids like to live where humans don't, but they also like to be close enough to steal cable.)

"When in doubt, play dead. Well, unless you might be dealing with a ghoul, or a basilisk, or something else that likes its meat a little ripe. Actually, when in doubt, just start shooting."

"I -- you -- they --" "Pronouns are only useful when you combine them with other words."

Given that he'd just been leering at a stripper with a tail, I really didn't see where he got off. I showed him my middle finger. He showed me his. Vital cultural exchange completed, he walked away.

Some of my favorite SPOILERY quotes include:

"Telepaths have ethics?" "My mother and I do. We mostly got them from Babylon Five, but they still work."

"Oh, God, the mice! ... Bedroom privileges have been revoked for the remainder of the evening!" I shouted, chucking the chicken bag into the middle of the hallway, where it was immediately besieged on all sides by tiny, furry bodies. "I invoke the Sacred Law of Food for Privacy! Feast, and leave me alone!"

"Did we lose because of improper tactical behavior?" "No, we lost because that asshole we work for decided to sell us out." "Oh, good. I will enjoy removing his insides, and displaying them to him as a part of his outsides. I believe I will wear his liver as a hat."

"Wait, you people think I'm a what?"