Can't tell a verb from a noun, they're the nicest kids in town.

Me! Me! Because I really like cryptozoology from waaay back [you being a leedle kid when compared to my ancient-ness at age 54]. In the dark ages of my high school days I managed to get reports accepted on yeti, coelacanths & breeding mules [it's very rare, but some mules have actually been fertile].

.... but mainly it would just make me happy. ^_^

I could then donate my non-ARC copy to the local library!

Totally arbitrary is part of the fun.

Because after playing a character that only has learned the world 'subtle' when it comes to number of weapons carried with the help of morphic superpower - I really, really want to meet this version of Alice Healy. And potentially use her as an example "still not too much". :)

Because it would give me a head start on my attempt to get as many people as possible to read this book so I can read the 10th book someday.


Because waiting is hard. Aphaxis wasps! Telepathic Cuckoos! Ballroom dancing! Healys!

Because I'm spending 7 weeks student teaching a high school bio class and I need a new book to read for some respite. (I will then be in a middle school classroom for 7 weeks)

Because I will dress it up, then take it out to dinner and a movie - and send photos. Verity sounds like an awesome date.

Because this is how I celebrated Christmas:



You know he would totally have been there,

Because I blogged that it's one of the books I'm most looking forward to in 2012, and I will most certainly post an advanced, spoiler-free review should I get my hot little hands on a copy.

Because my father-in-law lives within walking distance of Stephen King's house.

Because I am to have Weather tomorrow, and I have to drive in it, and will feel much better with a shiny new book to look forward to in my immediate future.

Because I am an Alice, and all Alices are awesome and deserving of nice things.

I should receive the ARC because I am selling an Armageddon discounted at $5.00. But for you, $4.99.

Because I can't dance and would like to spend some time in the head of someone who can.

Because I want to use adapt it as RPG setting. No, really. There are a couple of recent or about to release games that'd be fun to reskin for it (I'm thinking of Becoming Heroes and Monster of the Week).

I deserve it because I'm about to start a school program that will slowly eat my SOUL for two years. :)

Memorandum: Why subject aliciaaudrey is deserving of ARC clearance

Analysis of subject's worthiness of receiving top secret ARC clearance follows.

Topic One: Cryptozoology

Subject was first exposed to cryptozoology at the age of seven, when her father indicated to her that, if she was very patient, she might, in fact, see a jackalope wandering the high deserts of California. Subject should have at this point looked at her father with a dose of hearty skepticism, as he had previously informed her that there really was a ghost sitting on the Lorelei on the Rhine in West Germany and, in fact, all women named Laurie were her accomplices in singing ships to their doom (NOTE: subject's mother's name is Laurie). Further he had not so very long before confused her into thinking zygocatci grew quarters by taping them at night to the branches of one as a method of dispersing subject's allowance.

Subject was generally willing to give her paternal gene contributor the benefit of the doubt, and therefore spent many long hours scouring the desert scrub around the housing area looking for antlered jackrabbits. Alas, none were spotted but she did eventually figure out that her father suggested hunting for jackalopes when he wanted Special Alone Time with her mother and thus her little brothers were brought screaming into the world.

Subject's brothers may in fact thus be first humans delivered unto the world by a half-jackrabbit-half-antelope rather than a stork. In a manner of speaking. Ahem.

Subsequent brush with cryptozoology consisted of an unhealthy obsession with giant squids. Subject does, in fact, get phone calls from well-meaning friends and relatives informing her that the Discovery Channel is running all those Searching For Giant Squid Type Shows back to back again. Subject does in fact watch them raptly with big shiny eyes to this very day. Subject can also tell you, at length, how ikikanji jellyfish stings are likely the most painful venom a human can theoretically survive and has crossed entire nation of Australia off travel lists out of fear of being eaten by a huntsman spider.

Unnatural fear of arachnids stems from incident involving long hair and a black widow when subject was nine. This is perhaps why subject's hair is now always short. Subject should be kept away from all projects involving arachnid-family species.

Subject can hold forth about various theories of Nessie-existence, and doesn't even need scotch to do it (but scotch would be appreciated; partial to Rusty Nails.)

Subject's current cryptozoology motif appears to be the chupacabra, which keeps coming up in random conversations/snippits overheard/things read for no apparent reason. Subject is now convinced that the fabled Jersey Devil is in fact a chupacabra, except probably a Jets fan. Which is why it is now stalking her, as she is a Patriots fan and thus it's natural opposite. This theory deserves further in depth exploration.

Topic Two: Combat

Subject holds intermediate certification in three marital arts. Subject has been observed referring to herself as the "world's most competent beginner."

Hand to hand combat may be a plus. Ranged weapons are questionable. Subject is profoundly nearsighted and prone to waving her arms about and hop when excited, which may blend poorly when combined with a Desert Eagle. Or perhaps blend very well, actually, depending on situation.

Topic Three: Ballroom Dancing

Subject is not perhaps a natural ballroom dancer. Subject has been observed attempting to get down on the dance floor in manners that make nearby celebrants fear for their lives. Subject fought with husband through whole first wedding dance over who should lead (subject believed it should be her.) Subject also has an unusual, marked bounce in her walk, which does not blend well with dancing. Subject came by this honestly from Subject's father. Their father-daughter dance apparently made several guests feel faintly seasick.

Subject is, however, well versed in Dancing with the Stars, which she must remain up to date with because subject's father is, for reasons that have not yet been fully explored, utterly obsessed with it and wants to discuss it at length on a bi-weekly basis. Subject thus has a framework to go off of. Sort of.

I really and truly want a copy of Discount Armageddon as thoughts of reading it is all that keeps me sane at my job. Seriously, I'm seriously starting to devise ways to stab my coworkers in face. Then I remember that I wouldn't find out how News Feed ends or the InCryptid series starts! Plus, all of the lovely Toby Daye stories you're working. So, please help continue my sanity line!

I'm a great guy, and great things should come to me. Literally. Since DA will be a great thing, it should come to me. Plus, it will be like getting a hug from you (only not as good). Plus, I've been buying all your books so far. Plus . . . ooooooo, new Seanan!

Because nouns and verbs are awesome, particularly when arranged with other parts of speech into entertaining stories, and I'm quite certain I couldn't get along without them. ;)

Because I don't live in the US and a contest open to more than just the US should pick some of us outside the US. Because my daughter's name is Toby:)

Because I like the Mira Grant look-a=like on the cover.

Because it would help me recover from my disappointing lack of retractable claws.

Because three pieces of furniture in your home are actually phase-locked dinosaurs covered in a layer of upholstery.

I should receive an ARC of Discount Armageddon because CORNKITTY.

And also because I totally gave my fiancé a flying f*ck RC helicopter for Christmas and gifts don't get more hilarious than that.

No, really. XD

Because I have the OVEN OF DOOM (runs 100+ degrees over) and even cooking a baked potato has been a challenge. :)

Because I am the go-to person for book recommendations for my friends, so I can drum up extra excitement if I get to read it early and then blab about how awesome it is!

*whispers frantically* You need to send me the ARC. Please. For the love of all that's unholy. There's a possessed squid under my bed holding my mouse-headed fairies hostage and demanding new reading material. He's already gone through all of your other books, and is threatening to make scary origami figures out of the poor little fae if I don't get him something right away!

I'm begging you... think of the mouse-headed fairies!

I should receive this because I once spent over 24 hours camped by the shores of Lake Champlain hoping to catch a glimpse (and picture) of Champy. I was 14 at the time. I have spent countless hours since before I moved out here in 2002, so 24 years total trying to capture that picture to no avail. I still believe Champy lives at the bottom of Lake Champlain. Someday I would love to travel to Scotland to visit, among other places, Loch Ness.

I've also gone camping a couple of times since I moved out here to the PNW simply to check out ares of suspected Bigfoot sightings. This despite my dislike of anything that is less than hotel room level of comfort. My idea of roughing it is having to use an outhouse. But a career as a crypt-zoologist would be perfect. If it paid enough to pay the bills. In the meantime, it remains a weekend hobby.

apologies for the wordiness. It's a failing I have sometimes. Why use ten words when one hundred will do.

The flying space weasels paused in their mad gallop along the rungs of the weasel-wheel that powered the enormous spaceship's MacGuffin Drive. Their mistress stared at the shining blue/white/green/brown planet below. "I will have it," she muttered under her breath, then repeated "I WILL HAVE IT!" at the top of her lungs.

She rubbed her hands together and chuckled a low, evil chuckle.

Because it would make my friends turn green with envy.

And because, after I finish it, I can lend it to those aforementioned green, envious friends.

Maybe.