tiredI waited until The Author was properly settled, and then went up, introduced myself, flailed a bit, and said, with deep sincerity, "I've read everything."
Without missing a beat, and without laughing or otherwise tempering the statement, The Author replied, "No, you haven't."
It wasn't nicely said. It wasn't kindly said. It was just said, flatly and declaratively, like I would tell you to remove the dead rat from my kitchen table.
I was, to be absolutely honest, floored. The rest of the interaction was awkward and strained, and I walked away feeling utterly dismissed. I had been looking for a moment of connection with someone whose work had been enormously important to my life. I wound up wondering if I should have apologized for my enthusiasm, like I had somehow broken a rule. And that isn't how it's supposed to be.
I've been on both sides of this table. I've done signings where I was tired, where I had a headache, where my feet hurt so badly from pounding pavement all day that I just wanted to crawl back to my hotel room and die (guess which of these was at the San Diego Comic Convention). I know that sometimes, the last thing in the world you want is icepick enthusiasm drilling another hole in your head.
But.
If you have come to see me, unless I am so sick that you're getting hand sanitizer with your signature, I feel that I should answer your enthusiasm with a smile, and say "thank you" until I turn blue in the face. I am my own person when I'm not behind an autographing table. I have likes and dislikes and opinions, and even my best friends in the whole world sometimes make me want to hit them with a shoe. I get grumpy, I get crabby, I threaten to ignite the biosphere. If you accost me on my way to the bathroom, I probably won't be all that charming. I'm a human being, not whatever creator/author construct you may have in your head. When I sit down behind a table and pick up a pen, that changes.
When I am seated behind an autographing table, you get to expect my attention (although how focused it is will be heavily influenced by how hard it is to spell your name). You get to tell me how much you loved (or hated) my most recent book, how much you loved (or hated) that plot twist, whatever it is you want. And yeah, if you tell me you're planning to murder me in an alley, I'll holler for security so fast that you'll believe my teenage scream queen dreams came true, but that's an extreme case.
I'm sure that I, and every author, will eventually cause a fan to walk around feeling the way I felt when I met one of my childhood idols. Sometimes the tired gets through; sometimes the cranky shows. But I am going to hold fast to that feeling, and do my best to remember that graciousness counts, especially when I'm behind that table. Because one harsh word changes everything.
(*Names withheld to protect the innocent, and because "oh oh oh it was THIS PERSON OVER HERE" is sort of counter to the point.)
October 5 2011, 17:26:37 UTC 5 years ago
I get that authors have bad days, and maybe, hopefully, it was just a bad day, but this is the sorta reason I am always scared to express great glee and joy at meeting one of my idols. One, I don't want to impose, but two, I have had authors I love and adore and respect let me down in some rather astonishing ways (the author who accused me on her blog about lying about my relationship and that I was just fooling myself that my trans partner was ever going to amount to anything but a "woman with a penis" was ESPECIALLY EPICALLY BAD), and... well, while I doubt anything would ever be as personal as that particular incident, I really... hate having that sorta thing happen.
There are some authors who just should not interact with fans. Really. And I wish more realized that and put their foot down and didn't do public appearances. I'm put in mind of a Certain Big Name Fantasy Author who told a group of fans that his books had Christian themes and if you weren't a Christian, you would not "understand" his work and shouldn't bother reading him. Yeah.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I hate that kind of disappointment, and it's hard to ever think of authors in the same light again after they've done things like that. :(
October 5 2011, 19:27:44 UTC 5 years ago
The sad thing is, my first thought was "at least she acknowledged that the partner is a woman, albeit with a really dreadful stinger to it" and then I read farther down and she was misgendering a man. What the fuck. I am so sorry.
(*I am not trans myself, but my wife transitioned about two years ago [and is an author herself].)
October 5 2011, 19:39:21 UTC 5 years ago
(I will get in contact with you via PM. I have no issue with naming this author, but I'd rather not take up Seanan's post with it. :)
October 5 2011, 19:46:14 UTC 5 years ago
...
http://www.mercedeslackey.com/am_valdem
It's partway down; someone asks if she'll ever have a transgendered character. The reply :
"While I never say "never," the likelihood of a transgendered lead characteris so slim as to be invisible.
Here is why. I support myself with my writing; I do not have the luxury ofwriting books for special-interest audiences. In my limited experience, somuch of a transgendered person's life and thought is tied up in their genderdifficulties, the ordinary reader would swiftly become bored with such acharacter; even Vanyel's whinging grates on some peoples' nerves. A wideraudience wants to see a character with problems that are solvable; in amodern or sf context, a transgendered person could solve the situation withsurgery, genetic modification, body-swap, or whatever. Those options arenot available to a fantasy author.
As for minor characters, well...I already have used transgendered persons.Didn't you notice?"
(the Tregarde story also features a trans woman who is played for a joke, depicted as homicidally insane because of her gender dysphoria, and consistently misgendered. It's “Arcanum 101” in the _Trio of Sorcery_ collection if you want to observe the fail up close, though I don't recommend it.)
Thanks!
October 5 2011, 20:21:46 UTC 5 years ago
I remember the Lackey story now. I had mostly forgotten it. (Ever since I was on a certain med, I've had memory problems and often don't remember a lot about things I've read after a few months.) That was pretty fucking disgusting, and I had thought a lot better of Lackey before that. :-\
As far as the essay, I think I vaguely remember reading that back in the early 00s, maybe late 90s. Also I know a lot of her content was originally published in zines prior to the website, so I don't actually know when that particular comment originates. I kept hearing from authors then how difficult it was to publish books with queer heroes, much less trans. The marketing and audience part, at the time, I think was unfortunately true. There is a LOT more awareness of trans and trans issues now than there was even ten years ago.
The second half of that is dead wrong, though. Why the hell is it not available to a fantasy author? HELLO, MAGIC. Plus the fact that not every trans person necessarily wants surgery, either. >_<
October 6 2011, 01:39:04 UTC 5 years ago
I do think the essay was older, actually; I've seen it circulating as a purported rebuttal to objections about the Tregarde story, and I very much doubt that. But based on the story I feel reasonably confident concluding that a) she now thinks it's possible to use a trans main character [albeit villain] because she *did* and b) her underlying attitudes haven't changed a whit, given the portrayal thereof. Also, it bugs me and my wife both that she automatically assumes "trans" = "special interest." After all, she wrote gay characters who were well-rounded, interesting people with plenty of other interests/personality traits besides not being straight...
October 6 2011, 06:06:22 UTC 5 years ago
October 6 2011, 03:13:38 UTC 5 years ago
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October 6 2011, 06:25:16 UTC 5 years ago