Being a female in the age of the internet.: seanan

Being a female in the age of the internet.

I haven't been blogging about my cats recently.

Some of you may have breathed a sigh of relief when you realized that you had entered a relatively feline-free zone. "Finally," you said. "She's going to talk about something that doesn't meow." Others may have been concerned. (I've heard from the concerned contingent, not from the relieved, but I have no trouble with the idea that both sides exist. Honestly, I don't demand that anyone be interested in everything I have to say, and that includes my cats, machete collection, horror movies, the X-Men, and candy corn.) Even more of you may well have been confused, given how focal cats have traditionally been around here. But I haven't been blogging about my cats.

John Scalzi has just made a lengthy post about the shit female bloggers get that he doesn't get. Go and read it. I'll be honest: after more than a decade on the internet, I find his experiences to be pretty spot-on. I make a controversial comment, I get death threats, comments about my weight, accusations of bitchiness, comments about my weight, offers to "fuck the stupid" out of me, comments about my weight, insults, comments about my weight, and, best of all, people swearing up, down, and sideways that I deserve whatever I get. It's been a few years since I've had a really bad troll problem, but when I had one, it was...

It was bad. It was "Kate monitored my journal and deleted comments before I could see them" bad, with a side order of feeling sick every time I considered getting online. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, and I was scared all the time. It's invasive, and it's scary. Cracks about my weight aside, I'm not that big, and if someone wanted to fuck me up, they could. Easily. (Is this a motivator for my large and oft-discussed machete collection? Possible! Anybody comes to my house with the intent of doing me a mischief in the woods, they will not be thrilled by the results.)

And I haven't been blogging about my cats recently.

I'll be honest: I understand people being dicks for the sake of being dicks. We're all a little mean when we've had a bad day. My mother used to snap at me, even though she loved me. Sometimes I pick fights with my friends, or snarl at my co-workers. Human nature sometimes trends toward asshole, and no matter how hard we work to control it, it's going to happen. What I don't understand is why being a dick towards a woman on the internet so often turns into a) threats of violence, b) sexual insults, c) threats of sexual violence, or d) comments about perceived attractiveness/weight. Or violence toward the things that woman loves.

I haven't been blogging about my cats recently, because someone has been sending me email, from dummy accounts, threatening to kill my cats. In graphic detail. They know what my cats look like, thanks to the amount of blogging I have done in the past, and they've been able to get really, really specific in what they're going to do. Why? Because I got my cats from a breeder, and not from a shelter, and that means I need to suffer in order to understand the suffering of the cats waiting for adoption. "Bitch," "cunt," and "whore" feature heavily in these emails, which is always a nice seasoning for my rage and terror stew. It's all very gender-specific.

And they're threatening to kill my cats.

So no, I'm not going to talk about them right now; not until this email stops, not until the trolls find something else to chew on. And yes, I realize that making this post may reawaken some of my old trolls (and oh, Great Pumpkin, I hate it so much that I even have to take that into consideration), so I'm going to be watching comments carefully. Anything insulting will be deleted. Anything malicious will result in an immediate banning. I mean that. I am not going to let that shit stand.

We need to stop acting this way toward one another. We need to remember that there are humans on the other side of all those keyboards. We need to be decent human beings, because otherwise, everything is going to fall apart.

And none of this changes the fact that if the fucker who's been telling me what he's going to do to my babies comes anywhere near them, I will probably be going to prison for assault.

Some days I hate being a girl.

groblek

September 1 2011, 04:37:59 UTC 5 years ago

New comment

Ick. I was appalled when you mentioned this at Worldcon, and am still nearly too appalled for words. I don't have the vocabulary to express how wrong that threat is, and I'm usually good with words.

Hugs from us (even the mini-human, though he won't understand why), and support as you deal with this. I wish I knew how to make some people stop being jerks online, and I'm sorry that you get stuck dealing with them. I'm glad to see how many other people are offering their support as well. There seem to be quite a lot of us who would do whatever we can to help, even if that's just to offer our support here - I do believe that you have accumulated minions. :)

the_dark_fyre

September 1 2011, 04:40:21 UTC 5 years ago

I'd like to echo the sentiments of probably many others in the 7 other pages I haven't read and say this is horrible and nobody deserves this and what the hell is wrong with them?

If anyone tried to hurt my cats... I don't know what I'd do frankly. Some things are supposed to be beyond contemplating

arison

September 1 2011, 05:09:03 UTC 5 years ago

There is absolutely no justification for that kind of harrasment, and I am more than willing to post your bail.

Sexism in trolling (and sexism in general, really) is a terrifying thing to watch and it makes me ungodly levels of upset that this is something you've had to suffer through multiple times. If there's anything those of us most of a continent away can do to help...

las

September 1 2011, 05:13:57 UTC 5 years ago

That's really terrible. Trolls suck. And if anyone threatened my kitties ... yeah, machete time.

yellowblackhaze

September 1 2011, 05:22:40 UTC 5 years ago

I have to admit to being stunned when you told me about this oxygen thief at Worldcon, and I still am, seriously some people.

kittylady

September 1 2011, 05:46:25 UTC 5 years ago

Don't quite have the time to wade through 200+ comments, but I will say that whenever you need it, you have an alibi. And access to one of those mechanical backhoes that can easily dig a trench six feet deep.

I wish I could do more for you.

madfilkentist

September 1 2011, 13:32:25 UTC 5 years ago

Let's try to keep things coordinated, though. If Seanan ever needs an alibi, I'm sure it will transpire that she was visiting a hundred different friends (including me) simultaneously while someone decapitated himself with a machete in her home.

5 years ago

elialshadowpine

September 1 2011, 05:52:01 UTC 5 years ago

I've dealt with these kind of fucknuts. I got my journal trolled when I was talking publicly about my kitty being pregnant. (We never saw this cat so happy. We had plenty of people who wanted her kittens including some from several states away.)

But we were evil irresponsible people who didn't deserve to have pets and should die because we hadn't had the money to get our kitty fixed. And we were evil because we let her get outside (I don't know what kind of cats these people have, because holyshit, it's not like we had an option when she climbed up and over us to get out the door!)

AND OMG DIDN'T WE KNOW WE WERE EVIL EVIL PEOPLE TAKING HOMES AWAY FROM POSSIBLE SHELTER KITIES. HOW DARE WE.

Ras ended up having two kittens, and we kept both, for the record.

Honestly, this sort of crap is why I ended up making my journal friends-only. I keep a much less personal blog for the promotional writing side, because I simply could not keep dealing with these fuckers. When I started out on LJ, I had come over from blogging software and had everything public and allowing anonymous comments. And I've ended up locking my journal down at various points until I finally said fuck it this year and went totally friends only.

I am so, so sorry that you're dealing with this crap. WAY TOO MANY people I know do, where threats of personal harm or rape or hurt to loved ones are commonplace. My husband just ranted to me about this, and I kind of looked at him oddly, and said, this is the price of being a female public figure on the internet. Because nearly everyone I know who is a woman who is at all popular in any way? Deals with this crap.

It is fucked up and wrong. I wish I knew how to stop it. :(

*hugs offered*

anonymous_sibyl

September 1 2011, 05:56:04 UTC 5 years ago

I'm just another stranger who reads and enjoys your books but I wanted to virtually stand next to you and say that sort of behavior is absolutely unacceptable and that I am so sorry it is happening.

Bill Silvia

September 1 2011, 06:08:53 UTC 5 years ago

This is bullshit. It's sickening and I agree with you 100%. It's so ridiculous that I can't even think of something witty or intelligent to say. It just makes me... well, often mindless rage causes someone to say it makes them want to punch a kitten, but this scenario has an opposite need, doesn't it. It makes me want to punch someone who wants to punch a kitten, and then punch them again.

cgbookcat1

September 1 2011, 06:28:11 UTC 5 years ago

All cats deserve love, no matter where they come from. The person is a malicious idiot.

sopranozone

September 1 2011, 06:44:34 UTC 5 years ago

Oh for the love of CATNIP, that's ridiculous. I hope whoever is doing this stops before they're eaten by ravenous wild felines. Wait. Lets change that - I hope whoever is doing this IS eaten by ravenous wild felines. ...no, ravenous AMPLIFIED felines. That'd teach them.

CAT LADIES UNITE IN THE NAME OF OUR KITTEN CHILDREN!

All joking aside, this is just so sad. Some people take the anonymity of the internet as an excuse to act like a complete a$$hole, and its not cool. Its not funny, it doesn't look 'cool,' it doesn't make you look smarter, and its definitely not socially appropriate. I will never understand how people can act so rude on purpose to someone they don't even know. Heaven forbid this ever transfer over into the real world; that'd be a surefire sign our world's headed to hell in a handbasket. I hope that the threats stop soon and your kitties stay safe.

avahgdu

September 1 2011, 07:57:33 UTC 5 years ago

I don't have time to read all the comments right now, but I wanted to say some things.

I know we have never met in person, but you are my friend. That is not a word I use lightly. When my cancer returned recently, you were the first one I told, I cause I needed to tell someone safe, to make it feel real to me. You offered me hugs and love, again, even tho we have not met in person.

I am a man, but a feminist. I can never understand the way women are treated. I don't understand cruelty to anyone, honestly. But if someone hurt you, or hurt the cats who I love, my psycho boyfriend and I would go on a hunting party of epic proportions. Again, I make a good mace wielding battering ram.

I am so sorry that this is happening. I feel helpless, so I hope the emotional support does SOME good, as it is all that I offer. I will always be here for you.

As for the cats...these people are morons. They want to cause suffering to cats, so you will understand the suffering of cats? Genius. In reverse. I got my cats from a shelter, or my yard, rescuing river cats as I live in the mountains. But there are breeds that we need to protect. Siamese, Maine Coon, Manx, etc. will not be around without reputable breeders. And it is your business anyhow. Those people could go volunteer at a shelter and spend their time helping the animals that need helping, and not bothering you.

It is a sad statement on them. It is a sad statement on fame, that the more popular your books become, the more closed off you may have to become to the public. I would hate that, as most everyone here would. But I want you and the those babies safe. If you ever need to privateize your life, we will have to understand it.

the_xtina

September 1 2011, 08:56:38 UTC 5 years ago

...what the vainglorious everlasting fuck. There are some fuckers in the world.

sysrae

September 1 2011, 09:20:58 UTC 5 years ago

JESUS WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

Seriously. I just. That. I don't. GAH.

*sends well-wishes and trollbane from afar*

les121

September 1 2011, 09:54:14 UTC 5 years ago

I'm so sorry that's happening! That horrible person needs to grow a soul.

kitrinlu

September 1 2011, 10:10:39 UTC 5 years ago

Omg, I am so, so sorry that you're having to deal with this :( :( *hugs*

jlsigman

September 1 2011, 11:32:34 UTC 5 years ago

Here's some good news:

My library finally got a copy of Feed. I checked it out, loved it, put it on my Amazon wish list, and asked for Deadline through inter-library loan.

Library calls back. "It's too new for internet-library loan, but we're getting such great feedback on Feed, we're going to go ahead and get the second one soon."

Yee!

hanabishirecca

September 1 2011, 11:49:14 UTC 5 years ago

I am horrified by this news. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I hope that it ends soon. I hope that you and your cats feel safe. And I hope that the person behind this is discovered and gets the help that they need.

This message was written while being climbed on by Risu.

smoooom

September 1 2011, 12:36:48 UTC 5 years ago

Holy cow. Makes me glad I'm a nobody. Really. Makes me wonder if I want to ever get noticed.

I realise that saying something like "I'm really sorry you have to deal with this" is about as useful as spitting on a forest fire. And if my first remarks don't help I'm sorry, but that was my honest reaction. No one should have to put up with that kind of stuff, you've worked hard to be who and what you are, that it's made you a target that way is . . . . wrong. I wish there was something that could be done about those types of idiots. Makes me ant to stay unnoticed.

karenhealey

September 1 2011, 12:53:16 UTC 5 years ago

THAT FUCKER.

katiebabs

September 1 2011, 14:07:45 UTC 5 years ago

OMG. WTF?? WTF??

Are there really that many unbalanced people out there?

Lately I've been reading so many posts where bloggers are not only being harassed but threatened to be killed.

Again. WTF?

I'm so sorry that there are asshole douches out there that have targeted you and your poor, innocent little cats.

joecoustic

September 1 2011, 14:16:30 UTC 5 years ago

I just don't understand how some folks define "freedom to express themselves" and can turn it into such vile treatment of others. But I've never understood so many people and how they treat others and the internet didn't create it, just gave a lot more folks the keys to the car. *hugs*

rileybear67

September 1 2011, 14:18:39 UTC 5 years ago

I'm sure it's already been said in the one or more of the 200+ comments you have here, but keep those emails. If someone ever comes to your place and even attempts to harm your property or person, you will have the evidence to give to the police that what you did in return was self-defense.

I hope this all washes away for you soon.
It makes me so very sad to see and hear that people think such stupid things and then let those stupid thoughts out!

mysocalledhell

September 1 2011, 14:21:43 UTC 5 years ago

*stares blankly, waiting for the punchline, but doesn't see one* wow ... this would be a large part of why I think the majority of humanity just needs to go fuck off. seriously, who threatens a girl's cats? that's just asking for death. I hope there's some way for someone to find out who is doing this and to stop them. and I hope your cats, and you, stay well.

thespatula

September 1 2011, 14:47:07 UTC 5 years ago

(many many hugs) I am so sorry you are having to go through this sweetie. If you need someone to bring you cookies or sit by your front door and glare at anyone suspicious, let me know and I'll be in the car on the way over ASAP.

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Being a female in the age of the internet.

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