enragedSome of you may have breathed a sigh of relief when you realized that you had entered a relatively feline-free zone. "Finally," you said. "She's going to talk about something that doesn't meow." Others may have been concerned. (I've heard from the concerned contingent, not from the relieved, but I have no trouble with the idea that both sides exist. Honestly, I don't demand that anyone be interested in everything I have to say, and that includes my cats, machete collection, horror movies, the X-Men, and candy corn.) Even more of you may well have been confused, given how focal cats have traditionally been around here. But I haven't been blogging about my cats.
John Scalzi has just made a lengthy post about the shit female bloggers get that he doesn't get. Go and read it. I'll be honest: after more than a decade on the internet, I find his experiences to be pretty spot-on. I make a controversial comment, I get death threats, comments about my weight, accusations of bitchiness, comments about my weight, offers to "fuck the stupid" out of me, comments about my weight, insults, comments about my weight, and, best of all, people swearing up, down, and sideways that I deserve whatever I get. It's been a few years since I've had a really bad troll problem, but when I had one, it was...
It was bad. It was "Kate monitored my journal and deleted comments before I could see them" bad, with a side order of feeling sick every time I considered getting online. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, and I was scared all the time. It's invasive, and it's scary. Cracks about my weight aside, I'm not that big, and if someone wanted to fuck me up, they could. Easily. (Is this a motivator for my large and oft-discussed machete collection? Possible! Anybody comes to my house with the intent of doing me a mischief in the woods, they will not be thrilled by the results.)
And I haven't been blogging about my cats recently.
I'll be honest: I understand people being dicks for the sake of being dicks. We're all a little mean when we've had a bad day. My mother used to snap at me, even though she loved me. Sometimes I pick fights with my friends, or snarl at my co-workers. Human nature sometimes trends toward asshole, and no matter how hard we work to control it, it's going to happen. What I don't understand is why being a dick towards a woman on the internet so often turns into a) threats of violence, b) sexual insults, c) threats of sexual violence, or d) comments about perceived attractiveness/weight. Or violence toward the things that woman loves.
I haven't been blogging about my cats recently, because someone has been sending me email, from dummy accounts, threatening to kill my cats. In graphic detail. They know what my cats look like, thanks to the amount of blogging I have done in the past, and they've been able to get really, really specific in what they're going to do. Why? Because I got my cats from a breeder, and not from a shelter, and that means I need to suffer in order to understand the suffering of the cats waiting for adoption. "Bitch," "cunt," and "whore" feature heavily in these emails, which is always a nice seasoning for my rage and terror stew. It's all very gender-specific.
And they're threatening to kill my cats.
So no, I'm not going to talk about them right now; not until this email stops, not until the trolls find something else to chew on. And yes, I realize that making this post may reawaken some of my old trolls (and oh, Great Pumpkin, I hate it so much that I even have to take that into consideration), so I'm going to be watching comments carefully. Anything insulting will be deleted. Anything malicious will result in an immediate banning. I mean that. I am not going to let that shit stand.
We need to stop acting this way toward one another. We need to remember that there are humans on the other side of all those keyboards. We need to be decent human beings, because otherwise, everything is going to fall apart.
And none of this changes the fact that if the fucker who's been telling me what he's going to do to my babies comes anywhere near them, I will probably be going to prison for assault.
Some days I hate being a girl.
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Kitty on pumpkin to make you feel better.
September 1 2011, 01:08:02 UTC 5 years ago
September 1 2011, 01:11:12 UTC 5 years ago
Oh my God. I don't blame you for your decision at all, and I hope all three of the cats come and sit on you and purr. I'm so sorry this is happening. I also hope it ends soon.
September 1 2011, 01:30:38 UTC 5 years ago
September 1 2011, 01:31:57 UTC 5 years ago
I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this. I've never had to deal with nut job like this but it is the reason I have to say to students on the first day -- "I will never return phone calls from anywhere but my office" - caller ID and an idiot.
I donate to any number of animal rescue groups but I still have purebred Maine Coons in my house. This is my choice and no ones business by mine.
September 1 2011, 01:42:11 UTC 5 years ago
*settles for hugging for now, because it's much more legal*
September 1 2011, 01:45:38 UTC 5 years ago
It sucks and it shouldn't be happening to you
September 1 2011, 01:48:01 UTC 5 years ago
Second thought, upon reading Scalzi's blog post, was "This reminds me of an essay I read years ago about why the 'Take Back the Night' march is necessary."
Third thought, as has already been stated, someone threatening harm to your cats to punish you for not doing enough to protect cats from harm, is operating with flawed logic.
September 1 2011, 01:53:14 UTC 5 years ago
I feel ill just hearing about what you're dealing with - can only imagine what it is like for you. :-( May it end swiftly and emphatically. *protective*
September 1 2011, 02:14:56 UTC 5 years ago
What everyone else said. And *hugs*. And if I'm feeling sick reading just your report of this...I am SO SO SORRY you are getting this crap.
I hope you and your cats are, and stay, safe.
September 1 2011, 02:15:45 UTC 5 years ago
I know you know lots of experts, but both Steve and I do email forensics for lawyers. We're more than happy to donate services and help if you need / want any of it.
*hugs* and love from here.
September 1 2011, 02:16:02 UTC 5 years ago
Deleted comment
September 1 2011, 03:00:34 UTC 5 years ago
September 1 2011, 03:17:30 UTC 5 years ago
And we all understand why you can't talk about them right now. Feel free to talk about all manner of sharp, pointy things. In great, graphic detail. Post pictures even. With added effects of blood if you so desire.
September 1 2011, 03:23:20 UTC 5 years ago
Whoever this person is, is a shitty, shitty person for doing this. I mean, there are no words.
My best to the four of you, and I hope the idiot knocks it off soon.
September 1 2011, 03:26:06 UTC 5 years ago
September 1 2011, 03:28:59 UTC 5 years ago
The internet, making the people who harasss ladies on the street invisible and ever-present!
It was a sad moment for me recently when a friend emailed me and was like 'Some girl bloggers get death threats!' and I was like 'Well, of course!' and she said 'Wait, do you...?' and I said 'Well, of course!' and then I realised that I should not be casually accepting of such matters. But you just get so tired.
September 1 2011, 03:31:37 UTC 5 years ago
September 1 2011, 03:35:13 UTC 5 years ago
Instead, I'll just say that if it is possible for me to stand so that they'd have to come through me to get at you, that's where I'd like to be standing.
September 1 2011, 03:44:30 UTC 5 years ago
I am on the other side of the continent and can't show up and kick the ass of someone who offers harm to your kitties in any kind of reasonable time. But this thing that I know, from personal experience, might prove useful.
It's all about projection. If you need to defend yourself, or someone else, or take control of a situation...it's about your energy and how you project it. 90% of any confrontation is psychological. I am 5'2"...and I've decked someone who was a foot taller and 100 lbs heavier than I, shooed away a group of teenagers who were being vaguely threatening in my direction, and scared off a stalker. You are capable of getting into the head of a smart, strong, capable, complete badass, and writing about said badass convincingly...you've done it more than once. So if you get cornered, be that badass for a minute, and make the other person believe it.
Also, if someone comes to your house having threatened you and your pets, and you take a machete to said person, you won't go to jail for assault. They'll go to jail...after they get out of the hospital. Because they made you believe they were a credible threat to you, and you defended yourself. I want to emphasize this...*you have the right to defend yourself.* The legal right, and the moral right. I perfectly understand people who don't wish to perpetuate violence even under provocation. But if you are in fact being assaulted or threatened, it's not immoral to respond appropriately. Or illegal. I think it's quite possible that part of that culture of violence towards women includes socializing us to think otherwise.
I recommend reading Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear, but I can summarize it thusly: Trust your instincts.
September 1 2011, 06:05:54 UTC 5 years ago
Thankfully, Castle doctrine (and thus, sanity) prevails in general.
5 years ago
September 1 2011, 04:15:41 UTC 5 years ago
September 1 2011, 04:19:24 UTC 5 years ago
September 1 2011, 04:22:12 UTC 5 years ago
Though you don't know the name of the person you can still report it to the police. They'll probably pass it to the FBI because it's a Federal offense under US Code Title 18 Section 2265.
The key bit is "...uses the mail, any interactive computer service, or any facility of interstate or foreign commerce to engage in a course of conduct that causes substantial emotional distress to that person..."
This person is looking at up to 5 years in a Federal lockup.
I hope that it stops soon, and I am so sorry that it started in the first place.
September 1 2011, 04:28:03 UTC 5 years ago
September 1 2011, 04:33:38 UTC 5 years ago
And it's not like you got them from a backyard breeder; you've explained several times (enough that I, with my faulty memory, can recall!) how the place(s?) you got your sweet kitties are GOOD places. Besides which, really, it's nobody else's business as long as it's not hurting anyone... and I can't imagine you hurting anyone with your choice in pet procurement!
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