Being a female in the age of the internet.: seanan

Being a female in the age of the internet.

I haven't been blogging about my cats recently.

Some of you may have breathed a sigh of relief when you realized that you had entered a relatively feline-free zone. "Finally," you said. "She's going to talk about something that doesn't meow." Others may have been concerned. (I've heard from the concerned contingent, not from the relieved, but I have no trouble with the idea that both sides exist. Honestly, I don't demand that anyone be interested in everything I have to say, and that includes my cats, machete collection, horror movies, the X-Men, and candy corn.) Even more of you may well have been confused, given how focal cats have traditionally been around here. But I haven't been blogging about my cats.

John Scalzi has just made a lengthy post about the shit female bloggers get that he doesn't get. Go and read it. I'll be honest: after more than a decade on the internet, I find his experiences to be pretty spot-on. I make a controversial comment, I get death threats, comments about my weight, accusations of bitchiness, comments about my weight, offers to "fuck the stupid" out of me, comments about my weight, insults, comments about my weight, and, best of all, people swearing up, down, and sideways that I deserve whatever I get. It's been a few years since I've had a really bad troll problem, but when I had one, it was...

It was bad. It was "Kate monitored my journal and deleted comments before I could see them" bad, with a side order of feeling sick every time I considered getting online. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, and I was scared all the time. It's invasive, and it's scary. Cracks about my weight aside, I'm not that big, and if someone wanted to fuck me up, they could. Easily. (Is this a motivator for my large and oft-discussed machete collection? Possible! Anybody comes to my house with the intent of doing me a mischief in the woods, they will not be thrilled by the results.)

And I haven't been blogging about my cats recently.

I'll be honest: I understand people being dicks for the sake of being dicks. We're all a little mean when we've had a bad day. My mother used to snap at me, even though she loved me. Sometimes I pick fights with my friends, or snarl at my co-workers. Human nature sometimes trends toward asshole, and no matter how hard we work to control it, it's going to happen. What I don't understand is why being a dick towards a woman on the internet so often turns into a) threats of violence, b) sexual insults, c) threats of sexual violence, or d) comments about perceived attractiveness/weight. Or violence toward the things that woman loves.

I haven't been blogging about my cats recently, because someone has been sending me email, from dummy accounts, threatening to kill my cats. In graphic detail. They know what my cats look like, thanks to the amount of blogging I have done in the past, and they've been able to get really, really specific in what they're going to do. Why? Because I got my cats from a breeder, and not from a shelter, and that means I need to suffer in order to understand the suffering of the cats waiting for adoption. "Bitch," "cunt," and "whore" feature heavily in these emails, which is always a nice seasoning for my rage and terror stew. It's all very gender-specific.

And they're threatening to kill my cats.

So no, I'm not going to talk about them right now; not until this email stops, not until the trolls find something else to chew on. And yes, I realize that making this post may reawaken some of my old trolls (and oh, Great Pumpkin, I hate it so much that I even have to take that into consideration), so I'm going to be watching comments carefully. Anything insulting will be deleted. Anything malicious will result in an immediate banning. I mean that. I am not going to let that shit stand.

We need to stop acting this way toward one another. We need to remember that there are humans on the other side of all those keyboards. We need to be decent human beings, because otherwise, everything is going to fall apart.

And none of this changes the fact that if the fucker who's been telling me what he's going to do to my babies comes anywhere near them, I will probably be going to prison for assault.

Some days I hate being a girl.

britgeekgrrl

August 31 2011, 23:15:45 UTC 5 years ago

New comment

Y'know. One of the things I inherited from my husband is a favor owed to him allowing him to deploy one squad of US Marines anywhere in the continental US, no questions asked. Want me to make some calls? Said Marines are down in San Diego..

Okay, not really serious, but that's what I want to do to fuckheads like the one you're describing.

PS - haven't had a chance to say so yet but you looked SMASHING at the Hugos!

paksenarrion2

September 1 2011, 03:12:05 UTC 5 years ago

I can offer an MP battilion as well. And I bet the BF would be willing to convince some of the AF guys to offer air support should it be necessary.

only kidding as well but honestly, he and I both wish he could offer to bring out the big guns as it were.

Lost_Violet

August 31 2011, 23:25:01 UTC 5 years ago

I am sorry beyond words that this is happening to you.

Thank you for continuing to be a dynamic presence on the Internet, in publishing and in fandom, despite the idiots who never learned to behave like human beings.

kellyjelly33

August 31 2011, 23:27:05 UTC 5 years ago

It is a strange thing, I think, to take so much enjoyment over someone else's pain. I wonder, what is wrong with them? What exactly has gone wrong in these people's heads or lives so that they think this is an acceptable thing to do?I wish you much good luck and fortune in combatting these trolls.
Also I really like your books.
That is all.

jenjen4280

August 31 2011, 23:34:44 UTC 5 years ago

That's horrible. Sorry you've had to go through this. :(

firebirdgrrl

August 31 2011, 23:37:36 UTC 5 years ago

Fuck. That is beyond awful.

I got trolled when I posted about size issues in a animated film. I was lucky. Someone warned me it had made it round the blogosphere. I hid all my photos locked down the rest of my journal but I got told I was a Midwestern junk food eater, fat, ugly, that I deserved abuse and was one of the reasons the environment was going to hell.

I was lucky.

I changed my LJ name and have never posted photos of me again I don't even take any.

What I'm trying to say is that I can't know exactly what you are going through because different situation but I remember my own fear and having to face all that hostility.
My thoughts are with you and I am so sorry that people have been creepy enough to do this.

an_sceal

September 1 2011, 14:16:04 UTC 5 years ago

This isn't related to Seanan's cats, but I happened to land on your comment and wanted to say that it's not LUCKY that you should have to erase yourself from the internet, that you should have to remove your opinions, your insights, your contributions, from the online world. It's not LUCKY that someone made you feel like you had to stop taking pictures of yourself.

It's despicable that someone should direct so much hostility towards you that you felt unsafe. It's horrible, and wrong, and I'm so, so sorry.

I apologize for the random comment, but the fact that you don't take pictures of yourself anymore got to me on a level I wasn't expecting. It took me years to realize that by not being in pictures with my friends and family, I was erasing myself from their memories bit by bit. This is obviously My Own Issue, but I read your comment and just felt saddened that someone had taken that from you.

Nobody should have to become the girl who's never been, just to feel safe posting online.

5 years ago

sihaya09

lacyjae

August 31 2011, 23:39:51 UTC 5 years ago

Gods, I'm almost in tears at this. I can't imagine what it would be like to be getting threats about your babies. It's one thing if someone threatens YOU, but... your cats? I would so, so rather someone hurt me than my Mi-Go. It just makes me sick to think about what you're going through, and why someone would even think to do that.

I mean.. it's a total clash, isn't it? "You're a bad person for not adopting your kitties, so I'm going to threaten to do harm to your innocent cats, who had no choice in being born to a breeder and loved." How does that even remotely make sense to anyone? At all? Ever? I just... can NOT comprehend where this person could be coming from.

You are definitely not alone in what you would do to protect your cats, Seanan. I think the 5+ pages of support here speak to that pretty plainly. And if you were local, I'd be right there with you and I certainly wouldn't hesitate to physically help if it came to that.

I truly hope this person realizes what an utter psychotic idiot they're being, realizes that they are definitely hurting their cause, and does far more to repent than just apologize to you and your kitties. And I hope they get the help they so obviously need, because no one in their REMOTELY right mental health would send things like that.

.. sorry. I babble when I'm upset. I'm really upset for you. Mi-Go and I are sending tons of love and support and the offer of a Canada-based cover story if you need one. <3 <3 <3

nightfalltwen

August 31 2011, 23:45:47 UTC 5 years ago

I'm sorry that someone is making such horrible threats against your friends. And yes, I don't necessarily refer to cats as pets, but as friends. Because sometimes they can be just as cranky and mood-swingy as my regular friends. The fact that someone actually did this... it boggles the mind. How on earth that person considers themselves human and can make that sort of threat...

*sends hugs to you and the kitties from me and mine*

17catherines

August 31 2011, 23:46:07 UTC 5 years ago

This is horrible and scary. I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through that.

glinda_w

August 31 2011, 23:50:22 UTC 5 years ago

No words. *sympathy* though.

lovefromgirl

August 31 2011, 23:54:11 UTC 5 years ago

What kind of sick fuck threatens a person's pets? There is just no excuse. None.

If you end up in prison for assault, by gum I'll lead the whip-round for your bail.

Deleted comment

naamah_darling

September 1 2011, 00:01:52 UTC 5 years ago

I am so, so sorry that this is happening to you. You don't need it, and you sure as hell don't deserve it.

I hope they fuck off back to their hole in the ground promptly.

jadis17

September 1 2011, 00:06:02 UTC 5 years ago

That behaviour is unacceptable. It is not right. There is no situation or circumstance where it is appropriate behaviour to threaten someone's pets.

Stay safe.
No reply needed.

amanuensis1

September 1 2011, 00:24:00 UTC 5 years ago

o_O

There is no emoticon "WTF?" enough. My god.

gorgeousgary

September 1 2011, 00:27:41 UTC 5 years ago

Is it too late to have a character representing this sorry excuse for a human being become zombie chow in Blackout?

**hugs** and pretty much what everyone else has said.

jhyanmar

September 1 2011, 00:28:15 UTC 5 years ago

You have my deepest sympathies, Seanan. The War on Women never seems to end, does it? This sort of stuff is repulsive and evil, and why I've been a proud feminist since I woke up to the kind of Nice Guy (tm) I was before, and redoubled my commitment to equality.

I'm going to go hug my maine coon and give her snuggles, though. The thought of someone wanting to hurt ANY pet...

mlerules

September 1 2011, 00:28:23 UTC 5 years ago

Oh, dear. I'm so freakin' sorry you're having to deal w/this and hope it stops soon.

beckyh2112

September 1 2011, 00:33:34 UTC 5 years ago

I'm so sorry, Seanan. I can't imagine what kind of insanity makes that person think this is acceptable behavior, but I hope it burns out very quickly.

stealthbunny

September 1 2011, 00:36:08 UTC 5 years ago

I don't think this person is an animal lover no matter what he says. He is someone who loves to terrorize. And since he has gone beyond the nasty email/comment to hide behind various fake emails, he is escalating to stalking. And the law tends to frown upon stalking, animal cruelty, and threats, especially when it comes to public people and someone who is an award winning NY Times best selling author.

Until you do something to stop him, go to the law, etc, he will continue to terrorize you, because it gives him power over you. And he is succeeding. He has terrified you - a threat to yourself wouldn't have hit you to the gut as much as threatening your furred ones has. He has kept you from sharing your stories of your furred ones, which is something near to your heart. And he is getting as much glee over that as he is over each word he writes to you. Especially if he is picturing you terrified and powerless.

By yourself, maybe you are. But you have a TON of people to give you strength. Behind the "sure, I'll come and beat him up for you"s is the support of love and the strength of that and those that are within arms' reach of you means that you are not powerless.

This has very little to do with your cats. It has everything to do with terrorizing you. The cats are the way he found to do that. And he'll continue to do it, because he gets a thrill from it... and even if he grows bored, he'll go and find someone ELSE to do it to, someone who may not have the strength of support that you have.

... I shall now go back into lurkdom...

btw, I have three cats and a house rabbit. Two of the cats are shelter kitties, the other is a rescue from under my house. The rabbit is from a breeder. I can see the issue from both sides equally.

wee_warrior

September 1 2011, 00:39:10 UTC 5 years ago

I'm so sorry. And it pisses me off so much. I don't know you to a large degree, so there is an awkwardness to this, like I'm pretending a bigger connection, but as someone who likes your books and always appreciated your posts and writings (where always means "since Veronica Mars started"), as well as a fellow geek, a fellow girl on the internet, and a fellow keeper of cats, I want to kick those fuckers who're sending these threats. May they contract ghastly and painful rashes.

archangelsmom

September 1 2011, 05:30:08 UTC 5 years ago

"May they contract ghastly and painful rashes." In unmentionable and tender places. Yah!

arcaneblades

September 1 2011, 00:39:49 UTC 5 years ago

Hugs and support from me and my cat, to you and yours. Whomever is doing this is an appalling little waste of space. Stay safe, all of you.

brownkitty

September 1 2011, 00:44:56 UTC 5 years ago

I want to mantle above you and your cats and flame that waste of space into carbon. And then I want to be maternal and spoil you all until you feel better.

This may sound stupid, and I don't know whether you need to hear it, but I'm going to say this anyway. You have not done a single thing wrong with how you chose and adopted you furry little loves. You explained your reasoning and it's sound, logical, and reasonable. You have NEVER, that I've seen, said that shelters are evil or that your choice is the only right one.

You did not do anything wrong. And if that doubt should be lingering in your mind, I hope your furry little loves are able to convince you of that.

wfw_sj

September 1 2011, 00:48:56 UTC 5 years ago

A wonderful and brave post. No one should have to put up with that shit. I now admire you more, for your strength and eloquence.

dormouse_in_tea

September 1 2011, 00:52:00 UTC 5 years ago

Sometimes I hate the universe. I'd been afraid this was why you weren't talking about your cats.

I wish I could find this man and beat him with a baseball bat.

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Being a female in the age of the internet.

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