Being a female in the age of the internet.: seanan

Being a female in the age of the internet.

I haven't been blogging about my cats recently.

Some of you may have breathed a sigh of relief when you realized that you had entered a relatively feline-free zone. "Finally," you said. "She's going to talk about something that doesn't meow." Others may have been concerned. (I've heard from the concerned contingent, not from the relieved, but I have no trouble with the idea that both sides exist. Honestly, I don't demand that anyone be interested in everything I have to say, and that includes my cats, machete collection, horror movies, the X-Men, and candy corn.) Even more of you may well have been confused, given how focal cats have traditionally been around here. But I haven't been blogging about my cats.

John Scalzi has just made a lengthy post about the shit female bloggers get that he doesn't get. Go and read it. I'll be honest: after more than a decade on the internet, I find his experiences to be pretty spot-on. I make a controversial comment, I get death threats, comments about my weight, accusations of bitchiness, comments about my weight, offers to "fuck the stupid" out of me, comments about my weight, insults, comments about my weight, and, best of all, people swearing up, down, and sideways that I deserve whatever I get. It's been a few years since I've had a really bad troll problem, but when I had one, it was...

It was bad. It was "Kate monitored my journal and deleted comments before I could see them" bad, with a side order of feeling sick every time I considered getting online. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, and I was scared all the time. It's invasive, and it's scary. Cracks about my weight aside, I'm not that big, and if someone wanted to fuck me up, they could. Easily. (Is this a motivator for my large and oft-discussed machete collection? Possible! Anybody comes to my house with the intent of doing me a mischief in the woods, they will not be thrilled by the results.)

And I haven't been blogging about my cats recently.

I'll be honest: I understand people being dicks for the sake of being dicks. We're all a little mean when we've had a bad day. My mother used to snap at me, even though she loved me. Sometimes I pick fights with my friends, or snarl at my co-workers. Human nature sometimes trends toward asshole, and no matter how hard we work to control it, it's going to happen. What I don't understand is why being a dick towards a woman on the internet so often turns into a) threats of violence, b) sexual insults, c) threats of sexual violence, or d) comments about perceived attractiveness/weight. Or violence toward the things that woman loves.

I haven't been blogging about my cats recently, because someone has been sending me email, from dummy accounts, threatening to kill my cats. In graphic detail. They know what my cats look like, thanks to the amount of blogging I have done in the past, and they've been able to get really, really specific in what they're going to do. Why? Because I got my cats from a breeder, and not from a shelter, and that means I need to suffer in order to understand the suffering of the cats waiting for adoption. "Bitch," "cunt," and "whore" feature heavily in these emails, which is always a nice seasoning for my rage and terror stew. It's all very gender-specific.

And they're threatening to kill my cats.

So no, I'm not going to talk about them right now; not until this email stops, not until the trolls find something else to chew on. And yes, I realize that making this post may reawaken some of my old trolls (and oh, Great Pumpkin, I hate it so much that I even have to take that into consideration), so I'm going to be watching comments carefully. Anything insulting will be deleted. Anything malicious will result in an immediate banning. I mean that. I am not going to let that shit stand.

We need to stop acting this way toward one another. We need to remember that there are humans on the other side of all those keyboards. We need to be decent human beings, because otherwise, everything is going to fall apart.

And none of this changes the fact that if the fucker who's been telling me what he's going to do to my babies comes anywhere near them, I will probably be going to prison for assault.

Some days I hate being a girl.

rms_butterfly

August 31 2011, 21:39:35 UTC 5 years ago

New comment

That is horrible! I am so sorry that someone is being so terrible towards you. I understand why you haven't said anything about the kitties lately. *hugs*
And, I hope whoever is doing that stops! Grrrrrr...

calico_reaction

August 31 2011, 21:45:34 UTC 5 years ago

:(

There's not much else to say to this, other than you have my total and complete support.

*hugs*

vettecat

August 31 2011, 21:47:15 UTC 5 years ago

Wow. I had noticed but thought you were just busy with your supernatural rate of word generation. That is way beyond disturbing. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this - I wish we could put your house in a magical sphere of protection so you wouldn't have to worry about it. Or maybe a really powerful electric fence...

Deleted comment

jennygriffee

August 31 2011, 21:53:30 UTC 5 years ago

And this kind of thing is why my under-my-actual-name-for-a-reason blog might still have a name change token in its future. :\ I'm sorry.

bunsen_h

August 31 2011, 21:55:05 UTC 5 years ago

I'm so sorry. I had a similar stalker for a number of years, and yeah, it's traumatic... and he wasn't into direct threats, it was more a matter of posting messages all over the place along the lines of "he's a child molester, here's his address, won't somebody go and do something to him?" As far as I know, I've drifted down his priority list in recent years, but he's still hard at work harassing other people. A couple of days ago, he blasted a bunch of newsgroups with obscene messages about his ex-boss's wife and teenage daughters -- exactly the same practise of terrorizing someone by threatening his/her loved ones. And it's very hard to stop these kinds of sh*theads; both this guy and his brother have been charged for harassment, and were found not guilty because it wasn't proven beyond reasonable doubt that they were responsible. It's easy to get on-line, easy to bounce messages through anonymizing relays that strip off any identification.

For what little it's worth, the kind of asshole who gets off on terrorizing people via anonymous threatening messages isn't usually willing to risk taking action in person.

alitalf

August 31 2011, 22:04:09 UTC 5 years ago

What you have experienced goes beyond ordinary levels of wrong. Whether the person(s) involved are mad or bad, if it is possible to get assistance from the police, that would probably make sense.

Here is a picture of our cat asleep in the warmest place she could find, in the few days of Summer we had earlier this year.

We adopted her when she was an adult cat, so do not know her age. Now she is definitely an elderly lady, though, and needs her rest. Her ears had to be slightly abbreviated because of sun damage, but you try to persuade a cat to keep sunscreen on her ears!

morvab

August 31 2011, 22:06:06 UTC 5 years ago

Not that you need more comments beyond "what all of the above had said" but I am so angry and nauseated I also have to put my two cents in. We totally understand & support the absence of cat related stuff and look forward to a time when you feel free again to just live your life. If you need more tech support assistance I volunteer as well - actually my husband. Alan would gladly put down the tabby to help with finding this scum sucking pervert.
it does occur to me that if there is any way to do any tracking though IP addresses and narrow down at least a geographic area and any clues to identity, you have supporters all over the world, and certainly all over the US, which is most likely where this comes from) who would be happy to help if the bastard can be found in their community....machetes can be bought in many places, y'now. I'm just saying.
Not normally one to promote lynch laws, but this is unspeakably vile and I can make an exception.
I am so so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for telling us, tell us anything we can do to help, and do whatever you need to do to stay (and feel) safe for both you and the cats. We send love and purrs.
(And PS - where your cats came from or whether you donate to shelters is irrelevant - this is just absolutely wrong and intolerable behavior)

kyburg

August 31 2011, 22:07:33 UTC 5 years ago

This. Totally, 100% this.

Yes, more cats.

August 31 2011, 22:06:53 UTC 5 years ago

Look what someone sent me....

http://www.thenerdybird.com/2011/08/doctor-whoas-cats_19.html

jongibbs

August 31 2011, 22:07:11 UTC 5 years ago

{{{{hugs}}}}

kidogirl

August 31 2011, 22:10:22 UTC 5 years ago

I am so, so sorry. Here's hoping the scum get what's coming to them in the form of some cosmic justice and that they stay far, far away from you and your fuzzy loved ones in the meantime.

melissajm

August 31 2011, 22:16:51 UTC 5 years ago

WHAT?
I'm all in favor of adopting shelter pets, but this is just WRONG.

soberloki

August 31 2011, 22:28:47 UTC 5 years ago

I am so sorry you're having to put up with this shit! I can't believe how fucking horrible people can be about the choices other people make that are NONE OF ANYONE ELSE'S FUCKING BUSINESS.

And I know what you mean about the bullshit aimed at women online. I've got so few readers (and they're all people who share my worldview to an extent) that the blogging side isn't a worry for me, but I've definitely had threats and insults leveled at me in chat and IMs.

I'm... just stunned that anyone would ever threaten your cats. I'm so sorry this shit is happening, and if I could help make it stop, I certainly would.

corinneduyvis

August 31 2011, 22:31:50 UTC 5 years ago

I am so sorry you have to deal with this shit. I can't believe people threatened your cats. I just--no. Just the thought of a pet getting hurt makes me nauseous.

(And seriously, what is that logic, anyway? I don't want cats to suffer so I'm going to... threaten to make cats suffer?)

manynames

August 31 2011, 22:32:35 UTC 5 years ago

Urgh. That's awful. And I think you're so right linking to the Scalzi post. To this shithead, it isn't really about where you got your cats from - they're just using that as the vilest way to scare you, because you're a woman and you dare to voice opinions and to them, that means you need to be punished back into silence. Assholes.

amethyst_clan

August 31 2011, 22:42:09 UTC 5 years ago

Holy fuck. What the hell is wrong with people?? Why would you threaten to hurt a fucking helpless animal, ffs??

Tons of supportive hugs and love from here. I hope this shit ends soon.

rhoda_rants

August 31 2011, 22:49:38 UTC 5 years ago

Holy shit. 0_0

I sometimes think I can no longer be shocked by the utter idiocy and meanness of some people, but this is so far beyond the pale, I . . . can't even think of anything witty to finish this sentence. But maybe that's for the best.

As to this:

We need to stop acting this way toward one another. We need to remember that there are humans on the other side of all those keyboards. We need to be decent human beings, because otherwise, everything is going to fall apart.

Could not agree more. It frightens and saddens me how disgusting people can be on the internet. It's gone on for way too long and it needs to stop, now.

sirriamnis

August 31 2011, 22:50:33 UTC 5 years ago

I'm sorry this is happening. It sucks.

At GGR when I blogged about Dickwolves (or sexism in comics, or gaming as a woman) I got mutliple threats about raping me to death, or just raping me or killing me.

On Polimicks anytime I blog about rape, I get a slew of rape denialists who want to "teach me what rape really is." Body Acceptance brings out the "You're unfuckable" and "Just die you fat pig" trolls.

So I understand. I also understand wanting to hide from the internet, because it just turns into, "Jesus, fuck, what bullshit am I going to have to slog through today."

Stay safe. And keep the furry ones safe as well.

snowishness

August 31 2011, 22:52:07 UTC 5 years ago

My God. I'm so sorry. That's terrible. People sometimes can be such jerks. Ugh. *hugs your beautiful beautiful cats*

(No reply necessary.)

linenoise

August 31 2011, 22:52:52 UTC 5 years ago

Sometimes, people make me sad. Sometimes, they make me sick. This is one of both of those times. Bleh.

It saddens me that you have to deal with this sort of thing. And makes me want to reach through the interwebs and slap some sense into people. And then reach through the interwebs again to give delicious treats to your kitties. Sadly, I can't do either of these things. You'll have to give extra loves to your kitties, and we'll all have to pray that karma catches up with the fucktards.

droewyn

August 31 2011, 22:52:58 UTC 5 years ago

Why hello thar, helpless rage.

I'm so sorry. People suck.

yoneit

August 31 2011, 22:59:10 UTC 5 years ago

Sending hugs. Wish I could do something to help. I loooove Toby!

myuki_chan

August 31 2011, 23:02:09 UTC 5 years ago

I see a lot of that anger towards people who don't adopt in other LJ communities but you're the only one I've seen to give a knowledgeable, perfectly understandable reason for buying from a breeder. And on top of that, you buy from reputable breeders.

But some people just want to paint everyone who doesn't adopt as someone who buys from backyard breeders to perpetuate the whole mess. I suppose they just want to fight over something so badly, they don't listen to reason.

I'm terribly sorry they've been sending you those messages. I hope they stop. Big hugs to your cats and you. I pray you all stay safe.

fantasybookcafe.com

August 31 2011, 23:11:19 UTC 5 years ago

Wow. That's just horrible, Seanan. I'm so sorry you've been dealing with that. I just can't understand why someone would ever do something like that to somebody else.

lit_luminary

August 31 2011, 23:12:56 UTC 5 years ago

It's been said by others, but again, I'm sorry people commit this kind of cruelty. Rational beings should be above acts of psychological terrorism.

Anyway, I just ordered a copy of One Salt Sea, and I'm happy that money is going to you and the cats. (I'm from the 'liking cat posts' camp: your cats have such wonderful personalities.)

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Being a female in the age of the internet.

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Yes, more cats.