Being a female in the age of the internet.: seanan

Being a female in the age of the internet.

I haven't been blogging about my cats recently.

Some of you may have breathed a sigh of relief when you realized that you had entered a relatively feline-free zone. "Finally," you said. "She's going to talk about something that doesn't meow." Others may have been concerned. (I've heard from the concerned contingent, not from the relieved, but I have no trouble with the idea that both sides exist. Honestly, I don't demand that anyone be interested in everything I have to say, and that includes my cats, machete collection, horror movies, the X-Men, and candy corn.) Even more of you may well have been confused, given how focal cats have traditionally been around here. But I haven't been blogging about my cats.

John Scalzi has just made a lengthy post about the shit female bloggers get that he doesn't get. Go and read it. I'll be honest: after more than a decade on the internet, I find his experiences to be pretty spot-on. I make a controversial comment, I get death threats, comments about my weight, accusations of bitchiness, comments about my weight, offers to "fuck the stupid" out of me, comments about my weight, insults, comments about my weight, and, best of all, people swearing up, down, and sideways that I deserve whatever I get. It's been a few years since I've had a really bad troll problem, but when I had one, it was...

It was bad. It was "Kate monitored my journal and deleted comments before I could see them" bad, with a side order of feeling sick every time I considered getting online. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, and I was scared all the time. It's invasive, and it's scary. Cracks about my weight aside, I'm not that big, and if someone wanted to fuck me up, they could. Easily. (Is this a motivator for my large and oft-discussed machete collection? Possible! Anybody comes to my house with the intent of doing me a mischief in the woods, they will not be thrilled by the results.)

And I haven't been blogging about my cats recently.

I'll be honest: I understand people being dicks for the sake of being dicks. We're all a little mean when we've had a bad day. My mother used to snap at me, even though she loved me. Sometimes I pick fights with my friends, or snarl at my co-workers. Human nature sometimes trends toward asshole, and no matter how hard we work to control it, it's going to happen. What I don't understand is why being a dick towards a woman on the internet so often turns into a) threats of violence, b) sexual insults, c) threats of sexual violence, or d) comments about perceived attractiveness/weight. Or violence toward the things that woman loves.

I haven't been blogging about my cats recently, because someone has been sending me email, from dummy accounts, threatening to kill my cats. In graphic detail. They know what my cats look like, thanks to the amount of blogging I have done in the past, and they've been able to get really, really specific in what they're going to do. Why? Because I got my cats from a breeder, and not from a shelter, and that means I need to suffer in order to understand the suffering of the cats waiting for adoption. "Bitch," "cunt," and "whore" feature heavily in these emails, which is always a nice seasoning for my rage and terror stew. It's all very gender-specific.

And they're threatening to kill my cats.

So no, I'm not going to talk about them right now; not until this email stops, not until the trolls find something else to chew on. And yes, I realize that making this post may reawaken some of my old trolls (and oh, Great Pumpkin, I hate it so much that I even have to take that into consideration), so I'm going to be watching comments carefully. Anything insulting will be deleted. Anything malicious will result in an immediate banning. I mean that. I am not going to let that shit stand.

We need to stop acting this way toward one another. We need to remember that there are humans on the other side of all those keyboards. We need to be decent human beings, because otherwise, everything is going to fall apart.

And none of this changes the fact that if the fucker who's been telling me what he's going to do to my babies comes anywhere near them, I will probably be going to prison for assault.

Some days I hate being a girl.

aedifica

August 31 2011, 19:53:42 UTC 5 years ago

New comment

That fucking sucks. And yeah, I remember a particularly nasty comment I happened across on your LJ a couple years ago, that quite literally took me months to get to the point where the image wasn't coming up when I closed my eyes--and that was just one I happened across before you had a chance to delete it. I hate to think what else there might have been.

You have my complete sympathies, and if you would like to give your cats a scritch for me, please do.

klwilliams

August 31 2011, 19:54:47 UTC 5 years ago

Ugh. I'm sorry you've been getting hate mail, and about your cats! I think the reason that ugly comments immediately go to sex and attractiveness is because these trolls are scared of women. Our culture has placed women at the bottom of the totem pole, and men are scared of us sexually. Sigh. I'm sorry you're being attacked.

jenk

August 31 2011, 19:55:12 UTC 5 years ago

I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

Catnip for the kitties and The Gift of Fear for you.

k_crow

August 31 2011, 23:27:32 UTC 5 years ago

This.

sillylilly_bird

August 31 2011, 19:57:05 UTC 5 years ago

I am so so sorry you're having to deal with this. His behavior is unconscionable.

ddislala

August 31 2011, 19:58:04 UTC 5 years ago

I am so sorry to hear this.

Count me among the people who're a bit "ambivalent", about the cat posts. I'm not really a cat person, though I've certain feline characteristics. Sadly, my massive allergic reactions to them, has somewhat coloured my view of them. Having said that, I really much like your posts, and your posted view of your life. I find it endearing that you love animals so much, and so, I like your posts about your cats, while not liking the actual critters. Now, doggies would be a differnt story!

However, there is NO reason that any sane person should threaten the life of any cat. To try and hide it behind some sanctimonious guff about shelters is a pathetic excuse. I'd say "Rise above it" (pun intended), but these cats are part of your life, and therefore, I totally see why you can't say, or do, anything to aggrevate this moron more than you do by existing.

All I can say is that I hope you take some strenght and security by knowing that you are liked and valued by a whole host of people, who think this idiot needs to be removed from the general population.

August 31 2011, 21:08:26 UTC 5 years ago

However, there is NO reason that any sane person should threaten the life of any cat. To try and hide it behind some sanctimonious guff about shelters is a pathetic excuse.

This. It isn't about shelters. It's about the urge to harm.

martianmooncrab

August 31 2011, 19:59:06 UTC 5 years ago

My cat is a purebred feline, but I got him because his former human had died. I did not get him from a shelter either. As an aside, one of my Grans raised pedigreed dachshounds for over 20 years, and let me tell you, the dogs got better than us grandkids.

You arent one of those sorts that has to have the popular pedigree pet types, you know where your felines came from, you know the people and have been around.

Trolls are ... well.. trolls. If they have to hide behind dummy emails and hide their identity then that shows that they arent real enough to be themselves in espace.

lauraajk

August 31 2011, 20:00:33 UTC 5 years ago

So sorry. It's unbelievable that this sort of behaviour still exists, and completely insane how some people think they can counter 'injustice' with injustice, violence and intolerance. I hope your kitties (and you!) stay safe and loved, and this disappears very soon.

naurwen

August 31 2011, 20:04:06 UTC 5 years ago

Wow, that is just vile and sick! :(
Apart from that - WTF @ threatening animals (well, and you, this way).

la_marquise_de_

August 31 2011, 20:06:19 UTC 5 years ago

I am so sorry. You do not deserve that kind of thing and the person behind it is clearly deeply unpleasant. (Over here, anonymous hate mail is a criminal offence. I hope this individual is caught, or at least stopped.)

billroper

August 31 2011, 20:06:59 UTC 5 years ago

I'm sorry that you have to deal with insane people. Gack!

iuliamentis

August 31 2011, 20:07:18 UTC 5 years ago

If there is a hell, I hope there is a special, especially nasty circle for people who threaten animals. That shit is UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES EVER OKAY.

Your cats are awesome, and so are you. So sorry you have to deal with this.

madfilkentist

August 31 2011, 20:07:34 UTC 5 years ago

Sometimes I wish I understood such subhuman behavior; other times I think it would revolt me even more if I truly understood it. I'm male and lower than you on the fish size scale, but I've endured enough of it (including death threats and impersonation of my voice to threaten others) to appreciate what you've had to go through repeatedly, and how little help even getting a lawyer can be against it.

When I was targeted, I found this article on types of stalker somewhat helpful, not in the sense of giving new ideas on what to do, but that it provides some degree of comprehension. In spite of what I said above, understanding evil better usually helps.

anderyn

August 31 2011, 20:11:35 UTC 5 years ago

Oh. Oh. That makes me sad and angry and ill, in sympathy for you and your kitties, and in frustration with anyone who could be sick enough to think of doing horrible things to *any* cat (or dog, or ferret, or whatever other pets people have). And I'm finding the construction of these emails unbelievably shitty -- if this person truly liked cats and cared enough to want the shelter cats to find homes, how the hell could they even think of harming another cat? Your cats were born into this world same as the shelter kitties, and need homes, just like the shelter kitties -- just because they were born at a breeders doesn't mean they didn't need love and a forever home, just like every other cat. End of story. Full stop.

Er. I'd go on a rant, but I'm feeling just a bit too nauseated at the thought of that kind of email.

Much love and light to you, to the cats, and to your housemates.

August 31 2011, 21:13:04 UTC 5 years ago

Someone who threatens to kill cats isn't concerned about saving them. If he's raising the breeder issue, it's only because he think that's a vulnerable point to cause pain.

There is no ethical issue to debate, only the psychological issue of how such a monster attempts to inflict fear and pain.

5 years ago

matociquala

August 31 2011, 20:11:38 UTC 5 years ago

I'm sorry. That's fucked up.

Deleted comment

mephron

August 31 2011, 20:13:54 UTC 5 years ago

This antiSpocking is painful. Especially since I'd put dollars for donuts that you do more for the shelters by donating than this reversed-neuron individual does in general, and their positive work is net negated by their abuse of you and, I would expect, anyone else they find who does not agree with their views and can smack anonymously.

And using fake email addresses like that is simply proof they lack the courage to stand up for their real convictions.

And also, if you will pardon my forthrightness, from the pictures (and a video on YouTube that I've seen, from a con concert) of you that I have seen, you are a gloriously pretty woman. And if someone tries to say otherwise, I will go entirely Honshu on their donkey.

bzarcher

August 31 2011, 20:25:30 UTC 5 years ago

...do you remember what happened the last time you dropped and island on someone? We were cleaning up kelp for WEEKS.

re trolls theatening your cats.

biomekanic

August 31 2011, 20:17:35 UTC 5 years ago

Speaking as a Quaker, someone needs to get kicked hard in the knee caps. Forget the groin, that's for amateurs.

Re: re trolls theatening your cats.

ladymurmur

September 1 2011, 01:32:24 UTC 5 years ago

*applauds!*

August 31 2011, 20:24:21 UTC 5 years ago

There are times I really, really hate what living in the future has done to people.

I'm sorry you're going through this (and worse), and I sincerely hope that the hateful pieces of filth doing this slip up, get identified, and get dragged to court.

cupcakery

August 31 2011, 20:28:06 UTC 5 years ago Edited: August 31 2011, 20:30:34 UTC

Fucking psychopaths.

*internet hugs*

is there anyway of tracking/logging the IP addresses for the dummy account to see where they're coming from?

ldydragon7

August 31 2011, 20:31:01 UTC 5 years ago

I am so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this. This person makes no sense and if he really cared about saving animals he would never wish harm on a animal no matter where it came from. Your choice to adopt from a breeder rather then a shelter is just that, your choice and no one else's. Why can't people just chill out and agree to get along with people even if they disagree with them?

August 31 2011, 20:34:03 UTC 5 years ago

Also, I'm one of the people who enjoy hearing about your cats and have occasionally passed on your stories to my two sisters (who also really enjoy your music).

pyre006

August 31 2011, 20:37:53 UTC 5 years ago

HUG. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this harassment. That kind of behavior is unacceptable. I have 6 cats and I don't know what I would do if anyone threatened them aside from flying into a red hot rage. I can't imagine what you are going through and you have my deepest sympathies. Sending good thoughts and comfort to you across the intertubes. If you need anything just say the word.

random_girl

August 31 2011, 20:38:01 UTC 5 years ago

Here are my cats, since we're not currently talking about yours.

Top kitty is Mina. She came from the pound. She literally leaped out of my arms back into David's and purred at the pound. This is pretty much how it's been ever since (though she is no longer the skinny two pound critter with a sinus infection that sounded like a pterodactyl...more's the pity).

Bottom kitty is Nick. Nick is from a breeder and he is a Burmese--he has a mental defect that makes it somewhat impossible for him to be a show cat and we're not entirely sure what she would have done with him if we hadn't adopted him from her as a pet (he loses track of things in motion because he CANNOT anticipate where things are going to go, per the official vet explanation. Learning is very hard for him). We did get him at a discount because "sweet and stupid" really barely covers it. I wanted a love bug who was not a criminal mastermind (like my previous Main Coon who passed), and boy did I ever get what I wanted. And then some.

The margarita sugar applicator above them is in frequent use by humans because of them. You know, because they're cats.

tekalynn

August 31 2011, 21:05:54 UTC 5 years ago

Awww, what beauties!

sihaya09

ttamsen

August 31 2011, 20:38:09 UTC 5 years ago

I just don't know what to say. I'm horribly sorry that you (or anyone) ever has deal with that kind of vicious, ongoing abuse. And the threats against your cats are just incomprehensible -- it's insane.

Now I'm all angry and sick to my stomach.

I don't know -- the people at those keyboards might just barely qualify as a human, but they certainly aren't fans, or friends, or anyone that I'd ever want to meet. I don't think anyone can produce such vitriolic misogyny, violence and hatred only in an online space. It *has* to be a fundamental part of that person's identity, and just remains better masked in company.

*deep breaths*

I am, however, selfishly glad that you continue to be the sort of awesome person who is willing to continue to connect with the rest of the Internet population, despite the hateful spewings of a few. I can hardly imagine the toll it must take, dealing with it. I'm so grateful that you are able to do so, to the benefit of all the rest of us. Thank you.

And I hope your IT-savvy friends nail this fscker to the wall, and present the hide to your local LEO for appropriate long-term disposal.

ladymondegreen

August 31 2011, 20:45:58 UTC 5 years ago

kyburg

mythusmage

August 31 2011, 20:38:28 UTC 5 years ago

Okay, I haven't read the thread, but I will support any suggestion to track the bastard down and taking action against him anybody else has made.

Find out who it is, get him booted off the net, and see about pressing charges, state or Federal if possible, against him.

He's not going away, unless you take steps to get him off the net and into jail. If nothing else publicize his existence and let people know where he is and where he can be contacted. Let him face the wrath of the net, if you can do naught else.

And give your cats a cuddle for me.