Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: quixotic
  • Music: Glee, "Loser Like Me."

Blurb it! A game the whole family can play.

You know those little things on books that are like, "This book raised my IQ twenty points!" &mdashA. Famous Author, or "The Ikeamancer series just keeps getting better," —Ima Writer? Those are called "blurbs." They're supposed to encourage you to buy the book, since clearly, people other than the author (or the author's mom) think it's good enough to read, and are thus providing valuable perspective.

So let's play the blurb game! You've been asked to blurb an existing book in a way that is honest, accurate, and true to your feelings on the text. Most of these will probably not be used for publication, because when I'm being honest, accurate, and true, there's a lot of swearing.

I'll start:

"This book is like a cozy blanket for my soul. A cozy blanket full of evil clowns and profanity. IT is the most comforting thing I have ever read." —Stephen King's IT.

"Matthew Swift's London crackles with electric fire, neon heartbreak, and all the power and sideways logic of urban sorcery. Kate Griffin is at the top of her game, and she just keeps getting better." —Kate Griffin's Neon Court.

"FUCK YEAH, SEAKING." —Peter Clines's Ex-Heroes.

"It takes a truly great story, and a truly great writer, to make a book about rabbits more true to the human condition than most books about humanity." —Richard Adams's Watership Down.

"Lucy Snyder attacks the page with the raw, manic intensity of an early Sam Raimi. Jessie Shimmer is urban fantasy's answer to Ash from The Evil Dead: ballsy, profane, and too much fun to put down." —Lucy Snyder's Spellbent.

"Hey, look! It's a retelling of 'Tam Lin' that makes me root for Janet! That never happens!" —Pamela Dean's Tam Lin.

"You need to meet the people in this book. They have things to tell you." —Janet Kagan's Hellspark.

"The true power of fairy tale archetypes is the way they let us tell the stories that need to be told while framing them in a veil of the familiar. Jim Hines has created a Cinderella with a future, a Sleeping Beauty with a past, and a Snow White present in more than merely apples. These books are all the stronger for not being 'serious' fiction; by the time you realize that you're learning, it's too late. You've been taught." —Jim Hines's The Stepsister Scheme.

Now it's your turn! BLURB THE WORLD!
Tags: geekiness, party games, silliness
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las

March 25 2011, 15:20:27 UTC 6 years ago

"I loved this book so much I married the author!" -- Gary A. Braunbeck's In Silent Graves

seanan_mcguire

March 25 2011, 15:28:06 UTC 6 years ago

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

tsgeisel

March 25 2011, 15:23:31 UTC 6 years ago

"You'll hate yourself for it, but you won't put it down until it's done.". - Battlefield Earth, L. Ron Hubbard

seanan_mcguire

March 25 2011, 15:28:16 UTC 6 years ago

Okay, that's awesome.

biomekanic

6 years ago

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drcpunk

6 years ago

  • New comment

swordsmanscoke

March 25 2011, 15:34:19 UTC 6 years ago

OK, that Seaking one just cracked me the frak up.

seanan_mcguire

March 25 2011, 15:36:38 UTC 6 years ago

I would so buy a book with that as a serious blurb.

ericcoleman

March 25 2011, 15:35:02 UTC 6 years ago

A laugh riot, truly one of the funniest books I have ever read. It kept me in stitches till I finally put it down. - Clive Barker's The Damnation Game

seanan_mcguire

March 25 2011, 15:36:43 UTC 6 years ago

Hee!

ericcoleman

6 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

  • New comment

filkertom

March 25 2011, 15:54:01 UTC 6 years ago

"Never have the outcast, the downtrodden, the despised, even the physically deformed, been given such a chance to shine, to prove their right to exist in spite of the condescension and barely-disguised disgust of the pretty and powerful." -- J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:05:14 UTC 6 years ago

Hee.

Okay, that's lovely.

*ducks and runs*

snowcoma

March 25 2011, 16:01:48 UTC 6 years ago

"I was more excited for the next book than I was filled with an urge to throttle the author!" - Jim Butcher's Changes

"I needed this book like I needed a hug and a cup of hot cocoa. And a drag queen." -Cherie Priest, Bloodshot

"Amazing world building, realistic characters, and an enthralling plot! You won't want to smack the author at the end because she is your friend and she might cry, and that would make you very sad." -Mira Grant, Feed

Re: *ducks and runs*

bookblather

March 25 2011, 22:26:01 UTC 6 years ago

Re: Changes blurb:

WORD, my friend. Freaking WORD.

Deleted comment

Re: *ducks and runs*

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

  • New comment

Not terribly clever but I'm running on two hours of sleep and only one cup of coffee :)

faithfulcynic

March 25 2011, 16:20:21 UTC 6 years ago

"I've always wanted a way with words." - The Belgariad by David Eddings

"The only time I've ever cried at the death of Jesus." - Lamb by Christopher Moore

"I love this book but wish there weren't so many newspaper articles to read." - The Shining/IT by Stephen King

"It took me three tries to read this book. I kept catching the flu." - The Stand by Stephen King

Re: Not terribly clever but I'm running on two hours of sleep and only one cup of coffee :)

bercilakslady

March 25 2011, 18:02:55 UTC 6 years ago

Your take on Lamb cracks me up. Thank you. :)

Re: Not terribly clever but I'm running on two hours of sleep and only one cup of coffee :)

faithfulcynic

6 years ago

  • New comment

Re: Not terribly clever but I'm running on two hours of sleep and only one cup of coffee :)

jenrose1

6 years ago

  • New comment

Re: Not terribly clever but I'm running on two hours of sleep and only one cup of coffee :)

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

  • New comment

paradisacorbasi

March 25 2011, 16:24:28 UTC 6 years ago

"Thrills, chills, badass magic puppy, elvin eye for the magic guy, and a cliffhanger -- what more could anyone ask?" -- Jim Butcher's Changes

"I now understand the Team Jacob! Team Edward! mentality in the Twilight books, but this is much, much better." -- Seanan McGuire's Late Eclipses

"Badass cop vs. Scientific Evil by historic evil guys? Gotta love it." -- Jonathan Maberry's Joe Ledger series.

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:07:01 UTC 6 years ago

Hee.

I love all of these.

ladymondegreen

March 25 2011, 16:34:27 UTC 6 years ago

"The best reason ever for why you shouldn't stick the red berries from the side of the road in your mouth!" - Janet Kagan's Mirabile

azurelunatic

March 26 2011, 12:11:52 UTC 6 years ago

*cackle*

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

  • New comment

ladymondegreen

6 years ago

  • New comment

eilan

March 25 2011, 16:49:15 UTC 6 years ago

"Take a step out on a limb of the best recorded family tree in history. Add some vampires into the mix, and you've got yourself an addiction!" - Anne Rice, The Queen of the Damned.

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:07:19 UTC 6 years ago

*snicker*

andrian6

March 25 2011, 17:32:03 UTC 6 years ago

"Not since the last episode of Blake's Seven has there been an ending like this one. I dare you not to be moved!" George R.R. Martin's A Game of Thrones.

windbourne

March 25 2011, 19:12:55 UTC 6 years ago

*snrt* Yes. Very true. :3

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

  • New comment

coyotegoth

March 25 2011, 18:05:58 UTC 6 years ago

This book is evil and twisted, and often moving and hilarious. While the author's public behavior can only be described as loathsome, if I could only bring one book to a desert island, it would be this one.

-Harlan Ellison's Shatterday.

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:15:24 UTC 6 years ago

Hee.

That rocks.

madfilkentist

March 25 2011, 18:06:48 UTC 6 years ago

"It's the first draft of the Silmarillion." -- Tolkien, Book of Lost Tales

"This book really improved my pitching arm." -- Abandoned Villages and Ghost Towns of New England, among other books no longer in my library

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:15:31 UTC 6 years ago

AWESOME.

hntrpyanfar

March 25 2011, 18:09:15 UTC 6 years ago

"Hilarious Dirty Jobs with marine biologists that puts you right in the boat! Pretty factual too, at least until the dick-waving dolphins and sentient goo take over!" Fluke, Christopher Moore

dark_towhead

March 25 2011, 18:28:46 UTC 6 years ago

Hooray for the Whaley-boys!

jenrose1

6 years ago

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dark_towhead

6 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

  • New comment

dr_zrfq

March 25 2011, 18:11:02 UTC 6 years ago

"Lucy Snyder attacks the page with the raw, manic intensity of an early Sam Raimi...."

As an almost complete aside, I would not be surprised to find I'm the only one who must constantly go back and double-check whether we're talking about Sam Raimi the filmmaker, or Sam Ramey the operatic baritone.

But neither would I be surprised to find I'm *NOT* the only one, considering the bunch of weirdos we all are here.

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:16:04 UTC 6 years ago

True.

Ah, weirdos. How I love you.

apocalypticbob

March 25 2011, 18:14:26 UTC 6 years ago

It made me sad. And angry. And hungry. - The Hunger Games Suzanne Collins

It's like Twilight with 75% more brains and 100% less sparkly vampires. - Linger Maggie Stiefvater

Fiction or prophecy... God, I hope it's fiction. FEED Mira Grant

drcpunk

March 27 2011, 07:16:02 UTC 6 years ago

Re that third -- me too.

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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Deleted comment

drcpunk

March 27 2011, 07:17:48 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, Anvil totally rocks. Hm.... blurbing it... no, let me blurb a different one. No, if I do that, it's a spoiler! Aieee!

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

  • New comment

too! much! fun!

dark_towhead

March 25 2011, 18:26:45 UTC 6 years ago

"Half the fun is picking out which character from Arthurian legend has been turned into which gangbanging thug; the rest is watching a big cast of great characters built, nurtured, and then destroyed with skill and style." -- Maurice Broaddus' King Maker

"Puts the sizzle in Detroit's Devil's Night. This is the urban fantasy equivalent of a steak perfectly seasoned and prepared: yummy, spicy, and completely satisfying." -- Laura Bickle's Embers.

"A fairly great fairy rock n' roll affair!" -- Gael Baudino's The Gossamer Axe

Re: too! much! fun!

catnip13

March 25 2011, 19:19:05 UTC 6 years ago

Gossamer Axe. Goddess, I love that book!

Re: too! much! fun!

professor

6 years ago

  • New comment

Re: too! much! fun!

dark_towhead

6 years ago

  • New comment

Re: too! much! fun!

dark_towhead

6 years ago

  • New comment

Re: too! much! fun!

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

  • New comment

blythe025

March 25 2011, 18:57:55 UTC 6 years ago

Hahaha! Love it.

Don't know I can quite blurb as well as you, though.

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:21:44 UTC 6 years ago

It's a fun game!

catnip13

March 25 2011, 19:18:05 UTC 6 years ago

"Don't miss the final adventures of MarySue and the CaveStud(tm) (though you'll probably will wish you did)." The Land of the Painted Caves , Jean Auel

notalwaysweak

March 26 2011, 03:16:24 UTC 6 years ago

I have to read it. I've come this far, I can't stop now. (Same reasoning that had me watch the entire Saw movie series.)

I bet she invents the wheel. Do they have the wheel yet?

azurelunatic

6 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

  • New comment

sheistheweather

March 25 2011, 20:40:49 UTC 6 years ago

"A novel full of intrigue, adventure, magic, and courage about a young red-haired girl, which I then gave to a real life young red-haired girl, who devoured it voraciously." -- Alanna: The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce

lots42

March 25 2011, 22:14:58 UTC 6 years ago

'The Stand' is what happened to the character from 'IT' five years later.

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:53:59 UTC 6 years ago

...ow.

lots42

6 years ago

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lots42

6 years ago

  • New comment

kyburg

March 25 2011, 22:16:53 UTC 6 years ago

"CALGON TAKE ME AWAY" - James Clavell, Shogun.

"Your best Samurai Cinema - with bunnies!" - Stan Sakai, Usagi Yojimbo

"It makes such an amazing THUD when it hits the wall at 3 AM!" - Alan Moore, et al Watchmen

"Look a bit closer...no wait, you might draw back a stump. Use some care, but come over here and check this out. Didn't know about that, did you?" - Emma Boll, War For The Oaks

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:54:06 UTC 6 years ago

Heh.

lots42

March 25 2011, 22:17:35 UTC 6 years ago

I think I lost the point of this. Go me. 8-)

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:54:55 UTC 6 years ago

It's still fun!

Deleted comment

seanan_mcguire

March 28 2011, 20:55:08 UTC 6 years ago

Hee!
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