Seanan McGuire ([info]seanan_mcguire) wrote,
2011-02-17 08:20:00
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  • Music: Evil Dead, "Good Old Reliable Jed."

12 things about authors.

We are now twelve days from the release of Late Eclipses [Amazon]|[Mysterious Galaxy]. I'm starting to freak out, and that means it's time to talk about things that make authors freak out. Here are twelve things about authors.

12. Asking an author who has just released a book (or is in pre-release for a book) "When's the next one?" is like asking a woman who's nine months pregnant "When's the next one?", only the author is probably not nine months pregnant, and is thus more likely to hit you. I am aware that this metaphor makes me out to be one of those faintly frightening women with twelve children, planning for twelve more. It's still true.

11. Most authors don't know where their ideas come from. Which doesn't mean you shouldn't ask; I seriously doubt I could be the one who killed that question in the hearts and minds of readers everywhere (although if I was, SFWA would probably saint me). It just means that when we answer you, we're probably lying.

10. No, that nice author you met on the bus once doesn't want to read your manuscript. I'm sorry. That nice dentist you met on the bus once doesn't want to clean your teeth for free, either.

9. An author on deadline is faintly neurotic, faintly obsessive, faintly hysterical, faintly depressed, and faintly insane. Sometimes just one of these; sometimes all five. Poke at your own risk.

8. Most authors are writing the genres they're writing because they love them. Telling a romance writer he or she should write a real book is a good way to find out how heavy that romance writer's satchel or purse really is.

7. I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. I would, however, do that for research, especially since research, unlike love, is tax-deductible.

6. Authors who say "I'm staying home to write on Friday night" aren't saying "I am lonely, please save me from myself." They're saying "I'm staying home to write on Friday night." This goes double for authors with day jobs.

5. I dare anyone who says writing isn't work to copy-edit and revise a three hundred page manuscript in under a month. Oh, and it has to be better when you finish than it was when you started. If you can do that, you can say anything you want.

4. Authors tend to be fiscally conservative, because there's rarely a guarantee of when the next check will come. This makes us dangerous in warehouse stores. We really do go "I could totally buy enough toilet paper wholesale to survive nuclear winter." Never look in an author's pantry.

3. Ways not to introduce yourself to a working author: "Nice to meet you. I read your last book, and it was shit." If you do that, please expect to get "Nice to meet you. I hope you have medical insurance," as a reply.

2. Everything eventually shows up in a book. Everything. Yes, even that. No, we're not trying to be mean. It's just how our brains work.

1. Authors write because we have to. It's how we're made. So please forgive us for those Friday nights, okay?
Tags: a few facts, late eclipses, math is awesome, writing

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[info]artemisgrey

February 17 2011, 16:31:34 UTC 1 year ago

Love the entire list, but #6? GOLDEN!!! People are ALWAYS telling me 'I need to get out more, so I can forget about the stress of trying to get published.' My response is 'No, I just need to get published. And in order to get published, I need to keep writing, and thusly keep improving.' I do not need to get out more, I need to write more. Thank you. I don't need to be rescued from solitude either.

[info]archangelbeth

February 17 2011, 17:32:06 UTC 1 year ago

Ah, solitude. That thing that happens when the kid is at school. The kid who has been sick since Friday. *headdesk*

*wishes you luck*

[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]antonstrout

February 17 2011, 16:36:01 UTC 1 year ago

Speaking to number three on the list, I actually had this happen to me at New York Comic Con this past fall. I was somewhere between picking my jaw up off the floor and jumping over the table at the drama hobbit girl standing there! I'm all professional like that...

[info]stormsdotter

February 17 2011, 17:15:37 UTC 1 year ago

I felt really guilty that I hated the Foglio's Girl Genius novel. I wish they had spent more time writing/editing/revising it. I think that is the only time I have ever told an author I disliked their work.

At least their comics are still wonderful.

[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]miintikwa

1 year ago

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[info]mlerules

February 17 2011, 16:37:37 UTC 1 year ago

Re: #1

“A ‘writer’ is the hapless devil who cannot keep himself from putting every vagrant thought he has ever had down on paper.” - Harlan Ellison

******

And hoping you don't tire of hearing this, so I'll say it here quietly then let you get back to your work: I really very much enjoy reading whatcha write, whether it's Toby Daye's newest adventures or the blog-stuff here. You've got a lovely 'n' unique 'n' appealing voice, good stories to tell, and interesting things to say. Thank you for the inspiration and oh-so-much-more that I cannot really articulate well at all. :-)

[info]trialia

February 17 2011, 22:58:09 UTC 1 year ago

Re: #1

Good quote. I'll have to remember that one... It's true, though. Along with #1.

I don't think I could ever write for a living - I would start to hate it, as I did when pushed to do so many essays in high school - but I can't stop myself writing. *g*

[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]priscellie

February 17 2011, 16:38:27 UTC 1 year ago

Telling a romance writer he or she should write a real book is a good way to find out how heavy that romance writer's satchel or purse really is.

*picks up jaw off the floor* People say that? Hell, people think that? Yeesh.

[info]keristor

February 17 2011, 17:52:26 UTC 1 year ago

They say it about almost every job the speaker thinks is not a 'real' job. My father, who was a teacher, got told it by his father. I've heard it said to musicians by other musicians ("Why don't you play some Real Music and earn more?"). And "everybody knows" that things like romance and SF aren't 'real' literature...

(Can I kill those 'they' and 'everybody' now? PLZ?)

[info]mariadkins

1 year ago

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[info]itinerant_vae

1 year ago

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[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]besanderson

February 17 2011, 16:43:19 UTC 1 year ago

Awesome list! I didn't realize other authors had enough TP to survive nuclear winter, too. And #1 is so totally write. I don't do this for fun (well, not always) but it's how I'm made. =o)

[info]besanderson

February 17 2011, 16:46:42 UTC 1 year ago

errrr... make that RIGHT. d'oh.

[info]archangelbeth

1 year ago

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[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]shadowsculptor

February 17 2011, 16:55:55 UTC 1 year ago

I can't STRESS how true all of that is. And I've got a double dose-- writer AND visual artist. I'm doomed!

[info]stormsdotter

February 17 2011, 17:13:36 UTC 1 year ago

No, it means that when you get stuck on writing, you can draw, and vice versa. :)

[info]trialia

1 year ago

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[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]stormsdotter

February 17 2011, 17:12:51 UTC 1 year ago

In response to #1, I almost flunked out of college becuase I wasn't making things. no, really. LARP season was around the corner, and I made a bag and some boffers, and suddenly I didn't want to go on a homicidal rampage or spend the evening in my room, crying.

I really do need to be creative every few days to keep my sanity. I'm happy that I've added 'writing' to my List of Creative Things, because typing on my computer and sometimes buying research books is MUCH cheaper than fabric and leather and kite spar.

...I'm scaring my partner because I'm currently researching Horror as a genre, but he'll live.

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:33:18 UTC 1 year ago

Unless you become a method author, that is.

[info]dmdomini

1 year ago

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[info]kippurbird

February 17 2011, 17:15:52 UTC 1 year ago Edited:  February 17 2011, 22:23:18 UTC

The amount of times I have to try and explain #1 to my mom is amazing.

Also re: #11 I was in a writing group one time for fantasy and genre writers in general. This one guy came this time because some time travel ended up in his novel and he wanted to know how to make sure he got time travel correctly.

Mildly confused looks around the group.

But what got me was that he thought there was some sort of secret book that fantasy and sci fi writers used so that they knew what to call things. Like if they had a planet called Xenon, it would tell them what sort of plants, aliens, how many moons it had etc.

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:33:30 UTC 1 year ago

...

I WANT THAT BOOK.

[info]kippurbird

1 year ago

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[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]loki_dip

February 17 2011, 17:48:25 UTC 1 year ago

Authors seem to be particularly violent people. :)

But I would always tread carefully around heavily pregnant woman. They can hit you with no repercussions!

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:35:00 UTC 1 year ago

True!

[info]aryana_filker

February 17 2011, 18:34:28 UTC 1 year ago

*copies #6 and sends it around to all the people who think I am lonely and need a cheer-up*
Tomorrow's Friday again, and I am planning to finish a manuscript tomorrow night. Yeah. At least, that's the plan.

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:35:09 UTC 1 year ago

Good luck!

[info]aryana_filker

1 year ago

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[info]ladymurmur

February 17 2011, 18:41:20 UTC 1 year ago

7. I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. I would, however, do that for research, especially since research, unlike love, is tax-deductible.


Love this one. :-) Along the same lines as one of my favorite college profs saying, "And when we play, it is called 'research'."

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:35:17 UTC 1 year ago

Exactly!

[info]tsgeisel

February 17 2011, 18:52:34 UTC 1 year ago

Re #11: I hear tell there's a place in New Jersey that sends you ideas every month.

I presume the line between "What inspired you to write X" and "Where do you get your ideas" is specificity?

[info]alicetheowl

February 17 2011, 20:40:51 UTC 1 year ago

Ahem. Schenectady is in New York, thankyouvery much. ;)

That's Harlan Ellison's stock answer whenever someone asks him that question. That there's an Idea Service he send $25 to, and they send a six-pack of story ideas.

Which is why Schenectady now hosts the annual It Came From Schenectady film festival, where they screen horror and science fiction classics and new movies.

[info]miintikwa

1 year ago

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[info]alicetheowl

1 year ago

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[info]miintikwa

1 year ago

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[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]librarygorilla

February 17 2011, 19:12:33 UTC 1 year ago

"Most authors don't know where their ideas come from."

I do! Mostly!

But I find that after twenty minutes or so of explaining my thought processes they get the sort of expression you'd more normally expect to find on a Lovecraft protagonist.

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:35:40 UTC 1 year ago

This makes me happy.

[info]mariadkins

February 17 2011, 19:38:51 UTC 1 year ago

thank you for ten, six, and five. !!! i haven't had #3 happen to me - yet.

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:35:48 UTC 1 year ago

Very welcome.

[info]gwynnega

February 17 2011, 20:29:05 UTC 1 year ago

There should be t-shirts for #6.

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:35:56 UTC 1 year ago

Heh.

[info]the_liz666

February 17 2011, 20:37:37 UTC 1 year ago

Regarding number 6. My husband works long hours at an office, and when he says "I have to work late this Friday night." I don't think anyone has ever been dumb enough to say, "Oh don't do that, come out and play instead!"
I hate the fact that just because writing is done at home, it's not seen in the same category as the day job.
the best answer to the question: "So when will you put it down and come play?"
-When it's DONE.

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:46:59 UTC 1 year ago

WORD.

[info]hvideo

February 17 2011, 21:40:01 UTC 1 year ago

Regarding #9: That word "faintly" you keep using - I don't think that word means what you think it means. (BWEG)

[info]silvertwi

February 18 2011, 01:42:23 UTC 1 year ago

I think she was going for irony there. Can't be positive, though.

[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]kay_gmd

February 17 2011, 22:02:55 UTC 1 year ago

On #12 as a pregnant woman who is at this point slightly over 9 months pregnant I can assure you that if you asked me when the next one is coming I will hit you, and it's taking restraint not to do so to all the folks asking when this one is coming. I keep reminding myself that it's well intentioned, and I'm going to need to ask people for help soon...

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:47:40 UTC 1 year ago

I applaud your self-control.

[info]arib

February 17 2011, 22:21:31 UTC 1 year ago

Re #12, I've met some surprisingly violent women in their ninth month of pregnancy... :-)

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:47:53 UTC 1 year ago

So have I. It's awesome.

[info]trialia

February 17 2011, 22:43:43 UTC 1 year ago Edited:  February 17 2011, 22:49:09 UTC

*grins, nods, and fistbumps in agreement with all of the above*

ETA: Also, while I'm thinking about it - you're happy to cover songs, I know, but how do you feel about being covered yourself?

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 16:48:23 UTC 1 year ago

It's a part of filk culture, and I'm totally happy with it. :) You just have to get permission and whatnot before recording anything.

[info]trialia

1 year ago

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[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]trialia

1 year ago

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[info]baka_kit

February 17 2011, 22:54:21 UTC 1 year ago

#8

Every month or so, my grandmother asks if it wouldn't be easier to get published if I wrote about "the real world."

[info]drcpunk

February 18 2011, 04:12:54 UTC 1 year ago

Re: #8

Tell her to set you an example!

[info]baka_kit

1 year ago

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[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]baka_kit

1 year ago

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[info]kerimaya

February 18 2011, 00:09:14 UTC 1 year ago

Had to laugh and nod a lot :) Especially Point Number 10,6, and 1 made me smile :) I translated your List in german and postet it with a Link to your Journal in my Blog. I hope that is okay, if not I will immediately delete the Entry (I'm sorry I didn't ask for your Permission first) Here's the Link: http://kerimaya.wordpress.com/2011/02/18/12-dinge-uber-autoren/

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 17:19:02 UTC 1 year ago

That's fantastic! Thank you!

[info]marialima

February 18 2011, 00:20:01 UTC 1 year ago

#12: yes, yes, yes
#11: yes, yes, yes
#10...oh hell, YES to all of them.

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 17:19:27 UTC 1 year ago

Yay!

[info]ironed_orchid

February 18 2011, 00:59:34 UTC 1 year ago

I love #6.

Also, with regards to #3, this is where that old "if you don't have anythings nice to say" adage comes in. I figure if you love the work, say so. If you don't, stick to "nice to meet you".

Apparently, telling authors you've just met that their book kept you up all night is also acceptable.

;-)

[info]alicetheowl

February 18 2011, 01:24:42 UTC 1 year ago

Or, "Can I buy you dinner?" That always works best for me, because then I have chewing time to consider just how to phrase how much I enjoyed the writer's works without sounding psycho.

Unless my husband beats me to it. He doesn't take as long to mull.

[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]seanan_mcguire

1 year ago

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[info]drcpunk

February 18 2011, 04:17:52 UTC 1 year ago

#10 -- This one's my favorite.

#5 -- So, do you have a three hundred page manuscript you need copy edited? I'd consider it work, sure. I've gotten paid for doing it. (And if I could find someone to pay me to do more of it, I'd be delighted. But that's another story.)

[info]seanan_mcguire

February 18 2011, 17:20:29 UTC 1 year ago

I do not. I like doing my own editing.

[info]drcpunk

1 year ago

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