15 facts about marriage and romance in Toby's world.: seanan

15 facts about marriage and romance in Toby's world.

(This post was supposed to go up yesterday, when we were fifteen days from the official release of Late Eclipses. I was ill, and so it didn't get posted, and you are thus getting a double-dip today. Either I'm sorry or you're welcome, depending on your point of view.)

15. Formal courtship is still alive and well in Faerie, and involves a great deal of poetry, flowers, and elaborate ritual. It is customary for the person being courted to thank the person doing the courting for each step after the first, to remind them that they have an obligation to finish what they've started. If you see a couple of moon-struck young fae thanking each other a lot, they're engaged in a formal courtship.

14. Most purebloods speak and utilize the ritual language of flowers when courting; every bouquet is a poem in and of itself. Never buy a Daoine Sidhe flowers from Safeway, you'll just confuse them.

13. The majority of fae marriages do not result in children, and are dissolved without issue by the participants. In these cases, it's not even really considered a "divorce," so much as a parting of the ways, and there is almost always no resentment between them. In some cases, people will even dissolve a marriage, and then turn around and marry the siblings of their former spouses, just because they're bored, but enjoy the overall dynamic of their extended family.

12. Same-sex marriage is relatively common, and even well-regarded, especially by families who do not have titles of their own; long-term fostering leading to formal adoption will usually provide these couples with an heir, and provide the foster's original family with a closer tie to the nobility.

11. Setting quests for a suitor is acceptable, if currently somewhat out of fashion for anyone lower in rank than the heir of a Duke.

10. Because sexual relations with a mortal are not considered infidelity, many married couples will take human lovers from time to time, just to break up the tedium.

9. Marriage to a human is not considered legal or binding under fae law. Consequentially, all changelings are considered bastards.

8. Purebloods have access to incredibly rich, complicated foods in the Summerlands. Their wines are beyond mortal comprehension, their cakes a doorway into divinity. This does not prevent them really, really liking Hershey's chocolate. Many otherwise expensive courtships are heavily centered around Mr. Goodbar. No one knows why.

7. Arranged marriage still occurs among some races of fae. This is a hold-over from when Faerie was very young, and they needed to make sure people were as distantly related as possible. (Fae genetics are weird and not the topic here, and all members of any given race are descended from the same First, but they still wanted to avoid marrying their sisters when possible.) The underground races are especially fond of arranged marriage.

6. But not the Gremlins. Gremlins marry for love, or because you have a really big...forge. There's nothing a Gremlin girl likes better than a man with a really big forge.

5. There are different rules for courtship between a man and a woman, two men, two women, a man and two women, or a woman and two men. Beyond that, they sort of make it up as they go along.

4. Yes, group marriage occurs. It's especially common among Centaurs, Satyrs, Cetacea, and Gremlins. As a rule, we don't ask. Especially not about the Gremlins.

3. It is considered exceedingly rude to break off a courtship in the middle for anything short of "My liege has arranged a marriage for me" or "We're going to war." Once the courting period has been finished and you're just dating, it becomes a lot more acceptable.

2. Watching really traditional purebloods try to court their human lovers is funnier than anything currently on weeknight TV.

1. The fae believe in true love. Even when it hurts them. And because they're going to live forever, they're usually willing to wait until the time is right to buckle down and pursue it. This can make them infuriating to humans and changelings, because they're so damn slow...but when they marry for love, it tends to be forever.

alessandriana

February 15 2011, 16:46:33 UTC 6 years ago

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I think this is my favorite so far. XD #14 and 8 made me literally laugh out loud.

seanan_mcguire

February 15 2011, 16:49:08 UTC 6 years ago

Yay!

dormouse_in_tea

6 years ago

actoplasm

February 15 2011, 16:51:44 UTC 6 years ago

A nice, enlightening morning read that was definitely entertaining!

February 15 2011, 16:59:07 UTC 6 years ago

Well, good.

archangelbeth

February 15 2011, 16:56:57 UTC 6 years ago

*giggles a lot*

So not only is the "thank you" not good to say, normally, because of obligations and whatnot, it also might make someone think that you were romantically interested in them?

#2 makes me giggle so much. #6, too. And #8! (Though I don't know why they'd like Hershey's... I discovered Lindt and Godiva chocolates and they just totally spoiled me for nearly anything else that's not a fancy import! Although... I don't really like the flavor of anything "smoked," either, and some people do, so perhaps it's like that sort of thing. Or else like estafee for Fuzzies. Ah, well; all the more fancy import chocolates for mortals! O;D )

February 15 2011, 16:59:15 UTC 6 years ago

As noted, no one knows why.

kyburg

keristor

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kippurbird

February 15 2011, 16:57:39 UTC 6 years ago

Are we going to be able to see any of this? :D

February 15 2011, 16:59:40 UTC 6 years ago

You already have.

shiyiya

February 15 2011, 16:59:32 UTC 6 years ago

Gremlins really must love a whole lotta lot, I certainly do not suffer any shortages of them!

Compared to the politics, this all sounds rather sane - *laughs* Most of the time, political structures tend to follow those surrounding the 'romantic' (I use that term loosely, you'll see why) - because, what's all the shouting about if it's not about where you live (how much and who owns it), with whom (can you or can't you with THEM) and so on.

I can't help but wonder if they haven't gotten a little too far away from the nicer things...or has it just gotten too boring?

And it's always okay to ask who - just not why. I would think. (These are so much fun.)

February 15 2011, 17:00:25 UTC 6 years ago

Ask who just not why? What? I don't understand.

beckyh2112

February 15 2011, 17:10:33 UTC 6 years ago

What are cetacea? /curious

February 15 2011, 17:13:08 UTC 6 years ago

Whales? I don't remember any Whalish (as opposed to Welsh) fae in mythology, but if they exist Seanan is the one to have found them...

janetmiles

February 15 2011, 17:14:19 UTC 6 years ago

I really want to hear stories about Gremlins! If only they'd get out of my software *g*...

February 15 2011, 18:26:14 UTC 6 years ago

Eventually, I promise.

snobahr

druidspell

February 15 2011, 17:18:36 UTC 6 years ago

I am now terribly, terribly curious about Gremlins--you mention them frequently in tantalizing glimpses, and I hope to read much more about them one day!

February 15 2011, 18:26:22 UTC 6 years ago

You will.

markbernstein

February 15 2011, 17:40:19 UTC 6 years ago

Good, good stuff. I'm left with some questions related to the Toby/Connor/Rayseline dynamic, though.

1. Am I remembering correctly that Connor and Rayseline's marriage was arranged for political reasons? (I can't check, as my copy of R&R is out on loan.) If so, does that mean that the politics would make it much harder to dissolve the marriage?

2. Regarding point 10, would I be correct in thinking that it's not considered acceptable for a married fae to have a fae or changeling lover?

3. Also regarding point 10, might it be that while having sex with a mortal is ok, falling in love with that lover would be a serious breach?

4. How much of what's keeping Toby and Connor apart is related to those questions, and how much is Rayseline's personal animosity for Toby?

(I realize you may have very good reasons for not answering some or any of those.)

February 15 2011, 18:27:42 UTC 6 years ago

1) Yes.

2) Yes.

3) No.

4) Toby will not have an affair with a married man whose wife does not approve. It's poor form, it's cheating, and she respects herself more than that.

sheistheweather

February 15 2011, 18:19:48 UTC 6 years ago

What if a pureblood takes a human lover, and later discovers that the lover is actually a changeling?

bunsen_h

February 15 2011, 18:30:33 UTC 6 years ago

I, too, was thinking that this suggests that the fae have no taste in chocolate...

Re: 2, "weeknight TV" parses oddly if one considers that Toby is a knight, and there are presumably other smaller fae who are also knights.

February 15 2011, 19:14:45 UTC 6 years ago

...heh.

vettecat

February 15 2011, 18:32:51 UTC 6 years ago

Hope you're feeling better!

February 15 2011, 19:14:54 UTC 6 years ago

I am, thanks!

maverick_weirdo

February 15 2011, 18:33:36 UTC 6 years ago

The last sentence of #15 amuses me in it's understatemant, considering that among the fae they almost never thank each other.

February 15 2011, 19:15:13 UTC 6 years ago

Well, yeah.

jenjen4280

February 15 2011, 19:11:33 UTC 6 years ago

#12 may not show up anywhere in the books (so far), but it's nice to see it on this list because LBGT people are marginalized in the urban fantasy genre.

Yet another reason to love the Toby books. And kudos to you, Seanan, for being more inclusive than many of your contemporaries!

February 15 2011, 19:16:04 UTC 6 years ago

It hasn't shown up much on-screen yet; there's more coming up, starting in book four. I think you'll be pleased. :)

tsgeisel

February 15 2011, 19:31:02 UTC 6 years ago

Regarding number 8, is it Hershey's in particular, or is that just a metaphor for non-Faerie chocolate?

Anyway, now I've got this image of the Faerie court watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory that just won't leave my brain...

February 16 2011, 05:28:21 UTC 6 years ago

Mostly a metaphor, but they really go for Hershey.

grey_lady

February 15 2011, 20:09:27 UTC 6 years ago

Never buy a Daoine Sidhe flowers from Safeway, you'll just confuse them.

Love this line! :)

February 16 2011, 05:28:31 UTC 6 years ago

silvertwi

February 15 2011, 22:03:11 UTC 6 years ago

6. But not the Gremlins. Gremlins marry for love, or because you have a really big...forge. There's nothing a Gremlin girl likes better than a man with a really big forge.
This made me laugh. I saw Monty Python's Holy Grail recently. All I could think of was the line "She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge...tracts of land."

Thanks for posting!

February 16 2011, 05:28:43 UTC 6 years ago

Very welcome. :)

naurwen

February 15 2011, 22:45:50 UTC 6 years ago

*Daoine Sidhe flowers from Safeway*

ok, will keep that in mind. LOL
reading this post made my evening after a somewhat blargh day at work.

February 15 2011, 23:47:34 UTC 6 years ago

I wonder if little Daonin Sidhe go by the grocery stores and look at the pre-made bouquets, and roll around laughing -- much like a friend and I had a hysterical time trying to pronounce the scrambled words for an "unscramble these words" kid-occupying thingie. Rebylrebu makes an excellent tongue-twister! Sort of like "Mad-libs" with flowers.

ailsa_cf

February 16 2011, 19:51:57 UTC 6 years ago

"Never buy a Daoine Sidhe flowers from Safeway, you'll just confuse them." - love that line!

"Once the courting period has been finished and you're just dating"
How is courting different from dating? I kind of thought when you finished courting, people got married or whatever, but is it more like you court someone until they agree to date you?

I loved this post! So interesting to get more background on Toby's world.

February 17 2011, 06:04:14 UTC 6 years ago

Once you give in and agree that you're a couple, you're dating. The courtship period is to reach that point.

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15 facts about marriage and romance in Toby's world.

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