Playing nicely with the other children: Authors, Readers, and Reviewers.: seanan

Playing nicely with the other children: Authors, Readers, and Reviewers.

When I first "became" an author—which makes it sound sort of like a Pokemon evolutionary step; "Apsirasaurus has become Professiosaur!"—I viewed the tangled world of online writing communities and book reviewers with trepidation, like I was about to discover a whole new world. One filled with dangers unknown and hardships unknowable (but hopefully equipped with a hot Goblin King waiting for me in skin-tight pants). I was an idealist, and I admit it; I really expected that everyone was going to play nicely with everyone else. Or maybe I was an idiot. I don't really know. Anyway, I was armed with a few simple rules that I intended to stick by if they killed me:

1. Don't read reviews.

2. Who am I kidding? You're going to read reviews even if someone holds a gun to your head. So go ahead and read reviews, but don't reply to reviews, and especially don't argue with reviews.

3. The Internet is forever, and there is no privacy lock so secure that it can't be broken. If you need to vent, do it off-line, with close friends, not in a forum where you could later be forced to eat your words.

4. Don't be Princess Demandy-Pants. If you want something, ask nicely. If you're told "no," accept nicely. If you stomp your feet and scream, people will laugh at you.

5. Don't be a dick.

I have done my best to live by these rules, even when it's hard. Sometimes, yeah, I want to reply to reviewers. Sometimes, yeah, I want to yell at people, or go "but that's not what I meant," or ask them if they even read the books. Sometimes I want to stomp my feet and scream, and at those moments, I don't really care if people will laugh at me. Most of the time, I think I succeed in playing nicely with the other children, and when I don't think I can do it anymore, I'm pretty good about getting the hell away from the keyboard before I say something that I'm going to regret later. Do I fuck up? Yeah. Only human, table for one! But I try.

calico_reaction recently posted a very thorough and thoughtful consideration of appropriate authorial behavior on the Internet, especially as regards interacting with reviewers and review blogs. "But wait!" cries Annie Author. "Isn't everyone equal on the Internet? Can't I say what I want, when I want, where I want to say it?" Well, sure, Annie. Just remember as you do that people will judge your work, for better or for worse, through the lens of your actions. So if you argue every time you get a negative review, shove your way into discussions of your books, and generally act like a brat, some people will say "No, I don't want to read that book, the author sucks." That's just the way the world works.

I try to think of other people's blogs as their homes, or, at worst, as panel rooms at a large, exceedingly eclectic convention. I may be allowed to visit, join in conversations, and even disagree with things that are said to me, but if I act like a total jerk, I should expect to be kicked out on my little blonde butt. And yes, this also means accepting that there are some conversations where I am genuinely not welcome, and would genuinely not add anything to the proceedings. Is it hard? Sometimes. Is it essential? Absolutely.

There's this phrase that gets bandied around a lot: "authorial intent." Even if you're not a writer, you've experienced authorial intent. Authorial intent is where you tell someone that you love the way she's wearing her hair, and she jumps straight to "OH GOD YOU THINK MY FACE IS HIDEOUS." Wait...what? No, no, that was a compliment on your hair...only it doesn't matter what you meant, because the interpretation of your statement is a personal thing. No matter how careful or precise you are, there's going to be somebody who reads your beautiful story of true love between a plush bear and a wooden toy rabbit and interpret it as a socio-political commentary on why baking kittens is bad (PS: baking kittens is bad). It can't be helped. But you know what? Correcting the people who believe that doesn't change their minds. It just makes you look like a jerk.

On the flip side of the coin, Presenting Lenore did a really fantastic post about appropriate behavior for book bloggers. Many of her tips apply to writers and reviewers alike, as they are frequently of the "don't be a Princess Demandy-Pants" variety.

We all occasionally need a little time to sit in the corner and think about what we've done, or just to stalk away and cool off. It's always nice to see more coherent heads than mine putting this into words that make sense. Hooray for playing nice!

martianmooncrab

November 23 2010, 20:39:18 UTC 6 years ago

New comment

I would hold out for the hot Goblin King...

snowcoma

November 23 2010, 21:13:13 UTC 6 years ago

I came here to reply to Seanan, but I needed to respond to your icon with mine.

Seanan- I love that you are not crankypants with people. It makes me respect you even more as an author (I already respect the hell out of you as a friend). I may frown sternly if a reviewer says something I disagree with about a favorite book, but the last thing I'm going to do is hit them with the wet noodle of "BUT YOU'RE WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!11!"

All I can (and should) do as a reader is spread good word of mouth to all and sundry, rate the books highly on book-rating sites, and, if someone seems open-minded, ask if they would mind hearing my take on things.

By the same token, if I dislike a book, I quietly give it a low rating, and share my opinions with friends in the real world, without judging them for liking it or not. Well, with the exception of that one overly popular series (you know of what I speak), which I will vocally speak against, but still not pass judgment on those that enjoy it. I will also cackle until I'm blue in the face over the deliberately funny reviews of said series. Hey, life is short, it needs laughter.

6 years ago

seanan_mcguire

aliciaaudrey

November 23 2010, 21:20:02 UTC 6 years ago

The thing that always gets me is watching people run around yelling things that aren't supported by the text because they read it wrong, or they read it five years ago and don't remember clearly. And I don't mean "I disagree with your interpretation"--I mean literally DID NOT READ THE WORDS CORRECTLY.

And good manners always apply. Always. I prefer "this was not to my taste, and there were aspects of the writing style that I found problematic" to "YOU SUCK ROCKS, MAN!!!!" I am occasionally stunned that people genuinely appear to blank out that the people who read what you write online are real people with real feelings.

November 24 2010, 03:26:11 UTC 6 years ago

Well, yeah, that gets me, too. I've had people review things I genuinely did not write. As in, "looked it up in the book, and the passage they're objecting to wasn't there."

Remember, no one on the Internet is real except for YOU. Unless, you know, you want something. Then everyone is real and loves you.

Sheesh.

erinwrites

November 23 2010, 21:22:38 UTC 6 years ago

Do you know about Aaron Sorkin's run-in with the forum at Television Without Pity? (which he wrote into a West Wing episode as Josh's run-in with lemonlyman.com) It's a prime example of why you should just walk away, and gives me one of my favorite West Wing quotes:

CJ: "If they discover you've been there, I'm going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass --- What?"
Josh: "Well --- technically, I outrank you."
CJ: "So far up your ass!"

scifantasy

November 23 2010, 21:38:26 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, gods, I remember that. Hee.

Deleted comment

November 24 2010, 03:26:42 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks!

la_marquise_de_

November 23 2010, 22:09:55 UTC 6 years ago

Good post.
I tend not to read my reviews -- the marquis does and will tell me if he thinks I need to know. I have thanked certain reviewers, though (usually those who send me the reviews, which is a courtesy in them).
As to venting... When it comes to reviews, not really (well, I will say ouch, but not more than that). There are other subjects that are harder, though, particularly around how women are treated globally and certain aspects of UK politics: every once in a while I do rant on those a bit. It's how I'm made, I guess -- unfairness to others really really angers me and I tend to comment on it.

November 24 2010, 03:27:49 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, no, honey, I'm not saying don't vent, rant, and have opinions about everything under the sun. That would be hypocritical and insane. What I'm saying is that venting about a bad review is an even worse plan. We have to take it quietly, or pay the consequences.

I'm sorry if it sounded like I was criticizing people speaking their minds in other areas.

yellowblackhaze

November 23 2010, 22:17:54 UTC 6 years ago

Seanan, from what I've seen so far you are one the best interactive authors I've read. I really do appreciate all the progress updates that you regularly provide and I like hearing the stories about your day to day life, your cats, your friends, what TV you watch, all of that.
I had a look at Lenore's article and I'm thankfully not guilty of any of that. While we're on the subject there's a review of An Artificial Night avaialable on my LJ, too.

November 24 2010, 03:28:11 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you so much! And oooo, yay, new review!

markbernstein

November 23 2010, 22:55:41 UTC 6 years ago

PS: baking kittens is bad

Word.

November 24 2010, 03:28:33 UTC 6 years ago

AWESOME.

wendyzski

November 23 2010, 23:31:02 UTC 6 years ago

You know, reading your blog has made me a better fan. You point out issues that simply don't occur to people outside the industry, and help us be aware when something that we think is an awesome compliment is a really dumb thing to do. (and you are polite about embaressingly dorky fan gifts)

November 24 2010, 03:28:49 UTC 6 years ago

That is one of the nicest things anyone has said to me all week. Thank you.

brightlotusmoon

marziek

November 23 2010, 23:50:43 UTC 6 years ago

In a very non-stalkerish kind of way, can I say again how much I adore you? Because, like, totally, I do.

Wonderful post.

Sane Boundaries. People really should explore the concept.

November 24 2010, 03:29:04 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you!

tygerversionx

November 24 2010, 00:53:41 UTC 6 years ago

Side-stepping the good-on-its-own main topic of the post: Just think of the horror if KA spread to the Pokémon population. :D

November 24 2010, 03:29:20 UTC 6 years ago

OMG ZOMBIE RYCHU DESTROYS ALL!!!!!

groblek

dornbeast

kitrinlu

November 24 2010, 01:30:18 UTC 6 years ago

I believe it is time once again for me to tell you how awesome you are :D

November 24 2010, 03:29:34 UTC 6 years ago

I believe it is time once again for me to thank you and offer hugs!

sheistheweather

November 24 2010, 01:58:08 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you for sharing this.

November 24 2010, 03:29:43 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you for reading.

calico_reaction

November 24 2010, 03:19:32 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks for linking to my post, and thank you for your very thoughtful comments about the issue in general. This is something that I've been gnawing over for about a week now, and I still find I have a lot to say about the topic in general.

And I should note: as hard as I've been on Toby (bless her heart), knowing you're such a cool person and not an ass really makes it a delight to be able to pick up one of your books, even if I worry about the heroine (I worry because I CARE, dang it!).

This is what some authors don't realize: you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and authors who take tough reviews in stride make it easier for me to keep giving their work a shot!

November 24 2010, 03:31:48 UTC 6 years ago

I appreciate linking to sanity. :) I figure if we spread it around enough, it may start actually sticking to people.

I honestly appreciate you being so hard on Toby. You're one of the only people, for example, to actually say "Toby is in an actively abusive relationship with Devin, why does no one else find this creepy and fucked up?" It was meant to be creepy and fucked up, and I get a little baffled when no one finds it that way. I have to be called on things if I'm going to improve.

I don't understand why anyone, author or reviewer or hot dog guy, wastes time with being a jerk. It's confusing and weird. But I don't know. I have too many cats to be horrible to people.

book_wench

November 26 2010, 03:21:16 UTC 6 years ago

People who bake kittens are incapable of grasping the concept of politeness.

November 27 2010, 05:33:04 UTC 6 years ago

That is an axiom to live by.

rrie_selavy

November 26 2010, 16:20:59 UTC 6 years ago

Once upon a time, a frenemy ranted at me about how all book blogs (and mine in particular) couldn't be trusted because "they all just fawn over books to get ARCS and can't be trusted."

Well, maybe sometimes, but not me. I only write positive reviews cause life is short and I'd rather write another positive review and help bump the sales for an author I love.

For the comment readers: So much agree with Lenore's point on emailing links to your positive reviews. I can't think of an author I've emailed that didn't love it. (One cried. Awww.)

November 27 2010, 05:08:29 UTC 6 years ago

See, I try not to review books I dislike, but that just means I write fewer reviews, not that I'm fawning. I don't mind negative reviews, so long as they're actually fair and balanced, rather than just being "YOU = THE DEVIL YOUR WRITING IS SHIT DIE IN A FIRE."

I love being emailed notices of positive reviews. It definitely makes me feel all warm and fuzzy toward the reviewer, too.

adamselzer

November 29 2010, 23:12:12 UTC 6 years ago

My blog reviews are odd. The trade reviewers all got exactly what I wanted them to out of my last book, and so do most of the kids I meet on school visits. Those "teen book blog" reviews though, are odd. Good, usually, but I generally get the impression that the book went way over their heads. Only about one in five, max, seemed to pick up on any of the fact that the book was a Twilight satire. But I've only commented a couple of times, when one asked a question about what I was going for or something.

But Daniel Pinkwater gave me two pieces of advice on dealing what reviews, trade, blog and otherwise:
1. It doesn't matter
2. No one cares.

I've pretty well found this to be true. Books of mine that are featured on 100 or so blogs don't sell any better than the ones that are featured on 2 or 3 of them. I get the sense that most of those blogs aren't really about the reviews, anyway - they're about schwag, free stuff, and who can get the most of it. That said, there are a handful of REALLY good ones out there.

December 21 2010, 15:32:45 UTC 6 years ago

Daniel Pinkwater is awesome.

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Playing nicely with the other children: Authors, Readers, and Reviewers.

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