Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: quixotic
  • Music: Glee, "My Life Would Suck Without You."

Letters to the world.

Dear Lilly and Alice;

I love you more than I love just about anything else in the world, including candy corn and my My Little Pony collection, but seriously, if you wake me up at two in the morning to ask me to open the window one more time, you're going to be mittens. I can get new cats. Better cats. Cats that won't do that kind of shit.

Annoyed,
Your human.

*

Dear My Little Pony collection;

You're made of plastic. Please stop reproducing when you think I'm not looking. I am rapidly running out of shelf space. Last night, cleaning out the random accessory bin, I found complete sets of Pony Wear from 1982. This is becoming creepy. Cut it out.

Spooked,
Your collector.

*

Dear retail outlets of the world;

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I really appreciate that you've noticed how stressed I am and are trying to take steps to reduce my unhappiness, but the fact that you're already putting out the Halloween decorations is a little bit disturbing. It's August. Since you're not selling Halloween-themed school supplies (which you totally should be), this seems a little unfair to the people heading back to class and just trying to find a cheap number two pencil.

I would really appreciate it if you'd go back to putting out the Halloween decorations in mid- to late-September, and then leave them up until, I don't know, Halloween. That way, the stores wouldn't suddenly be set for Thanksgiving while last-minute shoppers are trying to get their candy for trick-or-treat, and we might not have time for the Christmas music to make us actively homicidal before the end of the season.

Just a thought.

Respectfully,
Your customer.

*

Dear candy corn;

Om nom nom nom nom.

Nom,
Your consumer.

*

Dear Great Pumpkin;

O He who is in the patch down the street where they give hayrides in that sort of rickety-looking tractor, hallowed be thy name. May you be adored and adorned with candles, spooky faces, and, when the time is come for your death and resurrection, with graham cracker crust and sweet whipped cream. May you rise to walk the haunted corn mazes and the suburban streets, delighting the faithful and frightening the unbeliever with your fixed and luminous grin.

Great Pumpkin, I will write you more thoroughly later, but I just wanted to say, you da squash, thank you for the candy corn, and I hope to have an incredible, amazing time in Australia, where they have weird blue zombie pumpkins, which just reinforces my belief that it is, in fact, the promised land. Thank you for everything, Great Pumpkin.

Trick or treat,
Seanan.
Tags: alice, candy corn, dear great pumpkin, letters to my brain, lilly, this is halloween
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  • 77 comments

technoshaman

August 18 2010, 15:32:30 UTC 6 years ago

blue zombie pumpkins

This thread is useless without pictures.

keristor

August 18 2010, 15:37:08 UTC 6 years ago

This thread is useless without pictures.

Here you are. Some of it is blue, but not zombie pumpkin. Sad...

thread

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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ladymondegreen

6 years ago

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bercilakslady

6 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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igneous_smurf

6 years ago

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bercilakslady

6 years ago

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ladyfox7oaks

6 years ago

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tithenai

August 18 2010, 15:36:05 UTC 6 years ago

I can get new cats. Better cats. Cats that won't do that kind of shit.

No, you can't. It's in the job description. The union would have a fit.

lavenderfae9

August 18 2010, 15:45:50 UTC 6 years ago

Yep, I agree. Believing you can get cats that won't do that kind of shit is clearly delusional.

But have a great time in Australia, Seanan!!!

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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kippurbird

6 years ago

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Dear Mom -

ladyqkat

6 years ago

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Re: Dear Mom -

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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Deleted comment

Re: It's worse than you think.

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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smoooom

August 18 2010, 15:40:28 UTC 6 years ago

Halloween stuff is generally Orange. I don't know about other parts of the world or the universe, but in my part of it, plain orange flanellette is not easy to find unless its near Halloween and I really need some. I actually looking for some. (Why can't I spell?) Also a totally random and unrelated question. Do Dolphins and Whales reanimate? in FEED I mean. I figured out about sharks (they don't) but figured I'd go to the source for Dolphins and Whales. Yeah I know totally random, sorry, but that's how FEED has effected me, you have no idea. Have fun in Austraila!

seanan_mcguire

August 18 2010, 15:57:28 UTC 6 years ago

Yes, they do. They're mammals.

smoooom

6 years ago

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idancewithlife

6 years ago

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brownkitty

6 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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lysystratae

6 years ago

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jane_dark

August 18 2010, 15:52:31 UTC 6 years ago

As a good-luck wish for your trip, I offer the following article from this morning's Guardian: 'Zombie ants controlled by parasitic fungus for 48m years'

Bon voyage!

seanan_mcguire

August 18 2010, 15:57:37 UTC 6 years ago

Squee!

vixyish

6 years ago

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jacylrin

6 years ago

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slothman

August 18 2010, 15:57:53 UTC 6 years ago

During Xmas® Muzak™ season, I avoid going anywhere without headphones and a music player handy to jam their signal.

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:49:58 UTC 6 years ago

Probably wise.

dornbeast

August 18 2010, 15:58:42 UTC 6 years ago

Are you sure the collection is reproducing? It's possible that you've passed the point where it develops My Little Pony gravity, pulling all things My Little Pony within a certain radius towards it.

mac_arthur_park

August 18 2010, 16:53:13 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, that can't be good. My younger son will not be happy if his collection (yeah, he inherited mine and his Aunt Spike's collections) if his suddenly fly away.

Although if he knows where they land, he might be thrilled. ;)

(Yeah, he's the little weirdo in the icon. We call him "Gonzo")

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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kippurbird

August 18 2010, 16:25:09 UTC 6 years ago

I'm having the same problem with my rubber ducky collection. I've got more ducks on my bathroom counter than I have regular bathroom stuff. They just seem to show up out of nowhere.


YAY CANDY CORN SEASON!!! :D :D


My Great Pumpkin story:

Every year for Halloween my aunt and uncle would set up a Great Pumpkin, complete with flashing lights and a speaker/microphone. When kids would come up to the house, before they could go to the door, they had to talk to the Great Pumpkin. The only way the could get past the Pumpkin is to say, "I believe in the Great Pumpkin!"

Then they could go up tot he door and get treats from my aunt who dresses up like a witch. Kids kept on coming back to the house, even after they were 'over the trick or treating age' (which I think is a filthy filthy lie) just to talk to the Great Pumpkin.

mac_arthur_park

August 18 2010, 16:58:01 UTC 6 years ago

You are NEVER over the trick or treating stage! I miss that my boys don't want mom to take them around any more or make their costumes. :(

And I always managed to score free candy because I dress up, too.

kippurbird

6 years ago

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lysystratae

6 years ago

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kippurbird

6 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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kippurbird

6 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:51:10 UTC 6 years ago

They are blue!

martianmooncrab

August 18 2010, 18:39:50 UTC 6 years ago

My interactions with a Queensland Blue were not very ... lets just say, the darn thing was nigh indestructable, the wrong shape and size, and it smelled.. smelled like a real pumpkin.

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:51:22 UTC 6 years ago

Yeah, but they're fun to put on your porch and confuse people with.

lovefromgirl

August 18 2010, 18:48:54 UTC 6 years ago

I love you more than I love just about anything else in the world, including candy corn and my My Little Pony collection, but seriously, if you wake me up at two in the morning to ask me to open the window one more time, you're going to be mittens.

Yours do that too?! :-)

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:51:33 UTC 6 years ago

Yes.

Evil kitties.

brownkitty

August 18 2010, 18:50:34 UTC 6 years ago

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/moldy-droopy-skull-pumpkin.html

It's not blue, but...

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:51:47 UTC 6 years ago

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

a_mae_zing

August 18 2010, 18:56:05 UTC 6 years ago

I found complete sets of Pony Wear from 1982
fffff YOU LUCKY THING

Okay, I have to ask-- can we see a picture of your ponies?

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:52:47 UTC 6 years ago

I don't have any current pictures, and the herd is sadly not well-displayed right now. :( I need to get them sorted.

a_mae_zing

6 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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a_mae_zing

6 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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glam_k

August 18 2010, 19:40:22 UTC 6 years ago

Dammit, now you made me go hieing off on a quest for candy corn!!
(I'm totally blaming you for this sugar high that I'm presently cruising along on... just so we're clear.)
(But if anyone asks, I'm gonna go with "the Shiny-Blue Chainsaw-Wavin Zombie Princess made me do it". That'll shut em up right quick. Especially if I accompany it with the Scary Eyes...)
Hee.

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:53:01 UTC 6 years ago

You're welcome!

gorgeousgary

August 18 2010, 22:37:37 UTC 6 years ago

The phrase usually directed at Nova and Luna is, "If you weren't so cute, you'd be mittens and guitar strings."

On a totally different topic, you may be interested in checking out my LJ post from yesterday. In which I reveal what happens when Rose Marshall meets Bob Dylan in a dark hotel room...

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:53:57 UTC 6 years ago

Dude, awesome!

aliciaaudrey

August 19 2010, 00:03:16 UTC 6 years ago

I saw Christmas stuff out at the outlets I was at today.

Just say'n.

*hides from Christmas*

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:54:07 UTC 6 years ago

WHAT NO I REFUSE

muddlewait

August 19 2010, 00:11:57 UTC 6 years ago

May it Please Her Highness, Princess of Halloween;

Today my daughter told me that this year's costume is to give her the appearance of a dead prom queen.

I blame/credit you,
muddlewait.

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:57:21 UTC 6 years ago

You're welcome!

emurphy42

August 19 2010, 02:57:43 UTC 6 years ago

http://kumo.swcp.com/synth/text/peanuts_halloween_II

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:57:31 UTC 6 years ago

Hee.

angel_vixen

August 19 2010, 04:54:14 UTC 6 years ago

Even more frighteningly, our grocery store has Hallowe'en candy...

ON CLEARANCE. Not a "Hey, pick 'em up early!" sale. A "Pick 'em up! Move 'em out! RAWHIIIIIDE!" sale.

Their Christmas displays are waiting patiently in the stock-room in the back. I saw them being unloaded two weeks ago, and nearly had a brain-asplosion.

AngelVixen :-)

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:57:42 UTC 6 years ago

What?

NO.

angel_vixen

6 years ago

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labelleizzy

6 years ago

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angel_vixen

6 years ago

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kyrielle

August 19 2010, 05:28:39 UTC 6 years ago

Dear Seanan,

Have you seen the Two Lumps zombie question this week?

http://twolumps.net/d/20100816.html

Still giggling,
Laura

mariadkins

August 19 2010, 14:58:44 UTC 6 years ago

oh me too. that was such a keeper.

seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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kyril

August 19 2010, 05:53:31 UTC 6 years ago

Has everyone seen the trailer "My Little Pony: Reign of Buttercup Sprinkles"?



(Someone posted this as a reply when Tom Smith posted the Jane Austin's Fight Club video...)

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:58:17 UTC 6 years ago

Oooooh, yes.

jacylrin

August 19 2010, 16:28:58 UTC 6 years ago

Yes, Halloween-themed school supplies should be more in evidence. And socks. As for the blue pumpkin, I may have to encourage my sister to grow some next year, assuming we can get seeds in the US...

seanan_mcguire

August 19 2010, 16:58:42 UTC 6 years ago

Pretty sure you can!