sadI do not have a library card because I grew up poor—very, very, After-School Special poor, cockroaches in my bedroom and scavenging from trashcans poor—and I was badly bullied by the kids in my school, leading, eventually, to a group of girls stealing and destroying my library books. I couldn't pay the fines. I couldn't even tell anyone what had happened, because when the scruffy little poor girl complained about the sweet, well-groomed rich kids who had each others' backs, well...I had been down that road. The only people who would believe me were my mother and my teachers, and all I could do by telling them was upset them. I couldn't change anything.
I'm not that girl anymore. But the idea of getting a library card terrifies me, because some small, irrational part of me is convinced, incurably, that if I were to get a library card, those girls from school would show up, and slap my books out of my hands, and leave me standing alone on the sidewalk, sobbing over the loss of one of the things I loved most in the world: the ability to walk into a library with my head up, feeling like the books were free for anybody who wanted to read them.
The library books weren't the worst thing that happened to me during my school career. I was weird, I was geeky, I had frizzy hair and glasses and didn't really "get" a lot of the unspoken rules of the playground. I blew grade curves and didn't let people cheat off me on tests. I was basically invented to be the school punching-bag. But the library books were one of the things I never got over, because the library books taught me, once and for all, that sometimes the bullies win. Sometimes, you can't fight back, you can't stand up for yourself like the adults tell you to, and the bullies. Just. Win.
Phoebe Prince lost, too. But she's never going to be a grown-up, secure from bullies, writing a post like this one. Because she lost to the bullies so hard and so overwhelmingly that she killed herself.
Megan Kelly Hall is organizing YA authors against bullying, in memory of Phoebe Prince. Please. Go and read what she has to say. Consider what the current culture of bullying is doing to us, to our children, to our nieces and nephews, to the children of our friends. Even bullying that you survive can scar you forever, and Phoebe isn't the first to take her own life over this sort of thing. It's gotten so much worse than it was when I was in school, and I cried myself to sleep for years over the bullying.
This needs to stop. We need to stop it.
Please.
April 20 2010, 02:03:30 UTC 7 years ago
I have had a few successes recently at confronting my past. I met up with two girls from my high school...one who knew of me through the other...it was interesting. The one in my grade ended up going and getting her GED and getting the heck out. She remembered me as having a big target on myself and she felt bad that she never really said anything to anyone about stopping it. I think she was worried about becoming a target herself. She never bullied me but also never did anything to stop it. I think they were kind of uncomfortable that I told them quite frankly I was proud of myself for not backing out of the meet-up with them, even after all these years. The whole trip to where we went I felt like puking...but it was OK after we got there and started talking and doing crafts and stuff.
I hope that I can find answers for my soon-to-be 8 year old daughter. She's come home with issues like bullying and I've taken it to her teachers, who take it seriously. It is good to be in a supportive district.
To give you perspective, I'm 36 and will be 37 in two weeks. Bullying casts a long shadow...
[BTW, totally off-topic...but, Diet Dr. Pepper. Nice to "meet" someone who likes it as much as I do. *tosses you a virtual can of DDP*]
April 24 2010, 16:38:56 UTC 7 years ago